Father in law does jobs around our house when they babysit. I hate it

@ChocolateMudcake i mean I’m not sure who wants to pump up their own tyres but you do you!

It might be an act of love from their perspective but it doesn't mean it's the right thing for everyone. I'd hate for my dad to do any of the things you've listed. I'm a grown adult who is capable of doing things for myself, and it's okay to not want help unless you ask for it. Or they could at least ask before doing it. Some people really don't take kindly to having the control over basic tasks taken away from them, and there's nothing wrong with feeling that way. Communication is key. Understanding how your loved one feels is important. The old man's feelings aren't the only ones that should be accommodated.

I understand this from a different perspective. I don't like people doing things for me without at least asking first. It riles me up something rotten. You can't always control your reaction to things. For me, it's invasive because it feels like someone is taking control over my space. I don't think your feelings are unreasonable or invalid in any way. No matter what others say. It would maybe feel different if he asked if there was anything he could do, or you asked. But to do it without even telling you? I find that unreasonable. It's one thing to fold some washing that's sitting around it emptying the dishwasher while doing lunch. It's another to do odd jobs around somebody else's house.

I'd love thsi!! Not helpful at all I know but honestly it's not about your "standards" he's just being caring in his own way, it's a generational thing

Dont be irritated. Talk to him suggest one or 2 things he could do for you. Then politely suggest he leaves.... whatever to you. He only wants to feel needed.

But parents need to find their own role not deciding what needs doing in their adult child’s house.

They obviously come as a pair, nanny is looking after the kids, he feels a bit of a spare part so it's trying to 'help' out. I don't deny, because I'm a messy person, if someone tidied up my mess, I'd take offence and think they were saying it needing doing, and I would never get it done. But I also get that this is my issue, I turn things around in my head.

If my dad were alive, he would definitely find jobs to do, he was never one for sitting around, let alone in someone else's house.

Consider also different people love languages, especially in a parental role, doing things for those we love makes us feel useful and needed. Once our kids grow up, parents have no real role to fill.

I would echo what others have said - a lot of older men (my Dad included) do this. They like to feel useful. You are reading way too much into it.

I obviously don’t know your FIL but I genuinely imagine this is out of love and not judgment. My Uncle is like this. I live overseas and my aunt loves the hot weather but he doesn’t and will happily tidy out my shed, fix something, run errands etc.

She doesn’t sound ungrateful. She feels invaded.

I have been following this thread and have posted one reply. On reflection, some people are grateful for unsolicited help, others find it intrusive. If you’re the latter it’s a pain.
I have a relative through marriage who is grateful for any help,and doesn’t find it intrusive at all but I think she’s a lazy sod! 😊

@L26 or he is setting the example that childcare is woman’s work as MIL was left with the children.

And who carries around a descaling sachet for descaling emergencies?

You sound ungrateful I'd be over the moon descaling is a pain in the neck

he is trying to help you in his own way. I think it’s very sweet and caring of him.

I think you have out up some sort of boundaries to not accept help/be self sufficient as a coping mechanism for foing it alone for so long.

be kind to him. Don’t crush his efforts. I really don’t think it sounds judgemental unless they have acted judgy to you to give you that impression.

my god I would dearly love in-laws like that. I’m so overwhelmed with such jobs that I never have time to do!

Sounds like he’s just trying to help. Think you’re being a bit unreasonable to be honest. And I think he’s also setting a good example for your kids when he’s babysitting, they will think how kind that grandpa tries to help when he comes round.

Can you send him to my house? He sounds amazing.

TBH I’m female and nearly 50, if I babysit for any family members and notice little things (a loose slab, loose wiring in a plug, batteries need changing, weeding the garden etc) and the kids are sleeping/old enough to play while I do it then I’ll just crack on.
I do it as I feel that I’m helping by doing the little jobs that are annoying to do, maybe my family think I’m annoying 🤷‍♀️

YABU and not very kind. He probably finds it hard to engage with children and this is his way of showing love. My father is exactly the same. It’s a lovely thing to do. He isn’t judging you, he is genuinely trying to find things to ‘sort out’ that will help make your life easier, no matter how small.

Agree with all pp who have said this is an act of love.

For my dad it is checking the tyres, oil and water in my car!

That's just too lovely of your neighbour. He doesn't need to say a word to you, his acts of pure kindness says it all.
Classic man love indeed. How lucky we are to have these kind of men around 💙

Nobody said you were a horrible person except yourself.

Various people have asked what kind of jobs he's been doing for you - you've decided not to answer apart from saying he's descaled your showerhead - presumably you chose to share that job with the group because you thought it was a job people would laugh at and look upon negatively.

For some reason you don't want to share the rest of the jobs he does around your house, the stuff that incredibly annoys you.... I can't imagine why...

Speaking personally no one works on my house without my say so-ever.
I find it intrusive and potentially judgemental. I don't agree it is just his generations why of showing he loves you-my grandfather was the best odd job man I ever saw and he would not have dreamt of doing such a thing.

Is this a real thread? ...

Ofcourse he is doing this out of care! He sees that you are busy with your child and wants to do what he can to make your life easier! I would love that, I really would.