To hate my husband

Also, WTF does “introduce a third party” mean here? A threesome, or an open marriage so he can shag around?

Either way, that comment alone would have me running for the hills.

Time to start divorce proceedings, I reckon.

What was his behaviour like before you had children?

I can’t imagine wanting to have a baby with such a disgusting, selfish man-child, let alone a second baby.

Were the pregnancies planned?

He will say maybe he should find somebody else or bring a third party into the relationship

That's when I'd have told him to feel free to crack on but count me out as he'd crossed the line.

This would definitely be the end of my marriage, it may be a struggle for a while but its 2024 so much has moved on with support available to you.
Stop being spoken to and treated like second thought.

I highly doubt your DP will ever wake up one morning having suddenly become a nicer person over night.

There's only been a handful of posts on MN, for me that is, where I'd say enough is enough and actually mean it, this is one of them.

“Darling, when you

• talk down to my mother
• fart in front of me
• tell me to smell your stinky hand
• wank in front of me
• ask me to do all the washing
• ask me to do all the school pickups
• ask me to walk the dog
• go out multiple times per week without me for clubs/friends
• tell me you want a threesome
• comment on my menstrual cycle
• tell me you want me to suck your penis
• tell me I have a double chin

• speaking to my family respectfully
• keeping personal/hygiene/toilet matters out of sight
• help with the washing
• do some school pickups
• walk the dog
• take over some of the evening admin so that I can go out and see my friends
• keep ungentlemanly comments to yourself“

100% this!!

Remembered you're not comparing divorce to a lovely happy movie family with a committed father who loves and respects their mother. You need to compare what divorce would be like to the reality of your situation, which is an unsurprisingly unhappy mother who is tolerating an abusive horrible father and this is what you are modelling to your children a relationship is. Ltb - for your childrens sakes. (And yours as well but youve accepted that).

Can you go away for a week on your own? Stay at parents? Take your lap top & wfh somewhere else so you don't use up your annual leave. Let him be the full time parent for a week & see how easy it is to do everything 24/7 on his own. He can have no social life & interupted sleep. He can do all the washing and walk the dog. He can cook for the kids who then decide that they won't eat it because fish fingers are not their favourite this week.
You can have a week where you are not mum. You are not a household appliance. You are not a sex toy.
You can have a break & feel like you again.

Then you involve your 3rd person - a decent solicitor.

Their mum being miserable will hurt the kids more than separated parents.

He sounds vile and nasty. You deserve so much better, OP, even if better = single. The resentment towards him not pulling his weight will be gone and you can focus on yourself.

Hate is a strong word,
but you really, really, really don't like him.

You will hurt them temporarily if you divorce. You will hurt them permanently if you don't.

Op - are you scared of divorce? If so, why?

The third party could presumably be a solicitor?

Why would you feel guilty about not liking him? He sounds awful. Selfish. A sex pest. Sexist. Nasty. An all round horror. LTB.

There is the relationship, but there is also division of labour. This man is having two thirds of the cake, and will resist only having half of it. You can't have a loving relationship if he is taking the piss like this, and you are resentful. He's not going to get laid unless you are happy and he's pulling his weight - that's not transactional, but simply resentment and tiredness aren't really conducive to a sex life. He should be doing one day a weekend of child care (at least) to give you time to be yourself, accept his share of chores and you need a night off for yourself, and one with him if you can afford the baby sitting.

You need a better relationship councillor - I'd recommend a woman - so that he gets an external perspective on his behaviour. You also need to make financial plans to leave if it's required.

Not sure there's anything left there. He wld need to change massively! It's probably the most common reasons that people divorce.

It sounds like his life stayed the same when the kids were born. Does he actually help out with the kids at all?

Nothing is more of a turn off than being a sex pest! He will either be devastated if you go ahead and divorce or he'll find his next skivvy very quickly!

The kids are young so they will adjust more quickly now than years down the line.

If I were u I would be making plans and looking at finances etc to see what u cld afford re house etc. U can always try one of those websites that give u an idea if u are due any additional benefits. Especially if your paying for youngest at nursery.

To be fair, it sounds like you gave up because he is vile.

Not because you have kids. Though I suspect you have overlooked his behaviour for quite a while because you had a desire to have a child and then wanted another. The youngest isn’t a baby anymore and you are realising how awful he is.

You need to start making plans OP. You get one life, do not waste it being unhappy.
He sounds like just another nobhead who thinks that all you are good for is sex and the kids/housework. He won't change and this is not a good model for your children to grow up with.
They deserve a happy, content mum. You will never be that with this man.

He criticises you regularly, doesn’t invest in the relationship, treats you like a sex toy and touches you inappropriately with your children in the room. When will you prioritise your wellbeing and subsequently your children’s wellbeing, and end this marriage?

Get counselling

No-one would willingly put up with him

Start planning