To ask how you would split budget for this holiday

I'd be saying 'Well there is already the £100 I left in the kitty from last time to be used......'

Why bother having a kitty? Can you not just share the costs as they come up so you go get snacks and food then both chip in, same if you have a meal out just put in what you’ve had or split the bill or whatever

Just tell your DM you'd prefer to only share things like bread and butter, and keep all your other spending money separate.

Already sounds like the opposite of a holiday and highlights one of the many reasons I try to avoid trips/holidays with "outsiders" (i.e. those I'm not financially responsible to or for)

I wouldn't have a kitty at all.

Keep receipts, alternate who pays, use Splitwise or something similar (spreadsheets also fine) to keep track of the shared expenses, and you each spend what you want on individual costs.

But whatever tack you take, get agreement from them first.

And if they have form for being a CF (which they do, with the jeweller thing), then make sure they pay slightly more of the shared costs so you're reimbursing them at the end, not the other way round where it might not happen.

Aside from stocking some groceries, you don’t need a kitty. Even for that, with 3 vs 1 and probably not all the food overlapping, it’s not clear it all should be communal anyway. Keep your money separate aside from what is truly shared.

Small kitty for the communal food. Day trips and meals out pay your own costs at point of paying, separate bills easiest way. Rest of your money is your own.

Just tell them you don't think it's fair for them to have to subsidise your drinks or your kids treats etc so you think it would be fairest to have a kitty for staples at the self catering that you all use like bread and milk and snacks and you then pay for your own share of everything else. Either that or agree to take it in turns if it's a faff splitting the bill but agree you'll enter everything into one of those bill splitting apps and settle up at the end (though settling up doesn't seem to be their strong point)

I cannot believe anyone would think a kitty is a good idea. It will always and invariably lead to bad feelings.

Splitwise. We use it for every single trip. Put every single expense on there. Share nothing.

I can't believe the original kitty included souvenirs etc. the only way I can see why this might be a thing would be if your close family member wanted to contribute to the cost of things for your DC so the kitty is split 50/50 even though it's more people on your side.

I think absolutely, this year kitty is just for food at the apartment and any fees for entry to things, travel etc. All other spending is ad hoc. You don't want to have to ask permission to buy the DC an icecream or to pour yourself another glass of wine.

This is why I don't go on holiday with anyone other than DP 😂

On a serious note, I agree with PPs who said that a kitty only works if everyone is on the same page food / drink / activity wise...

Also I couldn't go away with someone (no matter how "close" they are to me!) that would judge me for having a drink on holiday?! WTF?! You say this person "doesn't need a drink to have a good time"? I would say the opposite! Maybe a drink will loosen them up a bit! FGS why you have even entertained going with them again is beyond me...

Anyway, good luck and enjoy, I guess 😕

Definitely use a splitting app rather than physical money.

Make it fair so if your share with drinks and DD comes to more than their share then split so you pay 60% or similar.

Why did you never challenge them about the jewellery?

On a recent extended family holiday we all did bits of shopping. We had a shared spreadsheet that we put down what we’d spent (minus any personal spending) then at the end we worked out what each person was owed. The people who drank more alcohol just bought that out of their personal money.

Enjoy your holiday and will be much more relaxing for you to keep your money separate so you dont have to justify it to family member!

I wouldn’t go with them again!

To be fair, you have extra people included in your half, so your mum is paying more than half ( if this is how it was split).

I wouldn't have a kitty except for food and I would offer to pay a little extra as I had a child/children.

I'm guessing you are holidaying with my mother! Doesn't drink, eats only small meals so buys jewellery or perfume with her onboard spend on cruises!

@StellaGibson2022 I’m with you. I hate a restriction on spending how I want. I wouldn’t have a kitty this time. Tell your relative that. What I would do is say that you can take turns buying breakfast supplies. Or, you do the shopping and ask for equitable reimbursement. Drinks/meals/days out can all be paid for by each person/family at the time. If you dont want to split restaurant bills then say so upfront and ask that the server prepares a separate bill for you and your child. Or, just pay a split proportion of the bill rather than out the kitty. I certainly wouldn’t sit quiet and have them criticise my spending after their free for all with the kitty remainder last time. I would bring that up. Not to get the money back but just to note it to piss them off 🤣

so you are still going to go on holiday with them and have to put up with their sneering and judgement? dreamy

Just split the cost of the food for in the accommodation and then pay ad hoc for everything else

I think no kitty. They probably felt owed the £100 if you drink and they don't, as your spends would have been higher. Also, was it a 3 way or 2 way kitty, again if 2 way I would have felt a bit miffed at you paying for your dc's treats out of it. I wouldn't want to be in a kitty with someone with a child who drinks more than me.
Just do as a pay as you go. Split food shopping, travel, entertainment and meals out 3 ways and buy the alcohol separately.

Kitties only really work when everyone is pretty much eating and drinking the same things...and then if there is something for one person alone they pay that themselves.

I've been on holidays where everyone has got that and holidays where it's been a real real problem.

So for friends where it's a problem we'll split the shop instead. And pay our own way for meals etc.

Simply just say - lets not have a 'kitty'.

It sounds bizarre to do that anyway.

If you go out for dinner, just both pay a share and same with daytrips and food for your apartment.

You're not happy with her spending the £100 leftover but, equally she might have been thinking the same thing about the alcohol and kids stuff.