To give son the same boundaries he gives us?

Am I the only one that thinks it's kind of nice that the son takes an interest in your life and wants to know about your day?

No, I wouldn't do tit for tat unless you actually mind answering his questions. He probably wouldn't get thst you are doing it to teach him a lesson unless you explicitly tell him.

I assume what you actually want is for him to share more about his life with you rather than just being annoyed that you are providing information and he isn't. So maybe just talk to him about it rather than playing games.

I'd be a bit worried about what he's getting up to that he doesn't want to share. Maybe it's perfectly normal but if there is a worrisom3 reason then it's definitely better to keep the lines of communication open.

Agree. It's really not normal behaviour.

Has it honestly not occurred to you that allowing this creepy stalker behaviour is supporting your child to be a creepy stalker? How will he realise that actually if he does this to a partner the appropriate reaction is for them to call the police immediately??

By the way @kt8 your son is being rude.

yes he wants privacy but to go silent and making it awkward that’s not on and he’d be told that.

This isn’t normal behaviour at all

I would have a frank conversation with him about how you experience having a conversation with him. It's not going to help him in life if he's like this with everyone and he may not be aware it's like this for people trying to converse with him

If you enjoy telling him what you have been up to then tell him. If you don't enjoy it then don't.

But don't treat it as transactional.

You can absolutely tell him it's not something you want to share with him but if you are doing this purely to get back at him and thus deprive yourself of a conversation then what have you gained?

He doesn't have to tell you. You don't have to tell him.

If you want to tell him then do. But this doesn't mean he owes you the same

Do you have a habit of discussing other family members business etc? We don't tell my in laws anything because they gossip about you and tell all and sundry your business. Used to be an open book and not now - not saying that's the reason but potentially he doesn't trust you to keep his business private.

I would not put boundaries or stop chatting to him because then the lines of communication will be closed down and it might just stay that way. I would pull him up on it though if he was really rude.

My son is a similar age, he doesn't live with me but I often text him and ask him something normal about his day or what he's doing and he'll often answer with something like, "yes, why?"

I chatted to my mum a lot but there was a lot of stuff I wouldn't dream of telling her and still haven't.

They'll just blame it on the parents just as various posters have done here.

Job done.

I would be tempted to divulge lots of saucy details about what you and his father get up to when he's put of the house. Maybe include a couple of neighbours for good measure..that will stop him.

This, honestly. Perhaps he should look at rentals where he doesn't need to interact with anyone.

Why would someone not show any interest in their grandchildren because they don't think their adult child is telling them enough?

These are the type of parents adult children won't want to speak to in the first place because everything is conditional and they'll have grown up with it.

Appalling

I think this is typical of parent and children relationship. Children are accustomed to parents detailing their lives whereas as children get they tend to tell you less - possible due to fear of judgement. There is nothing wrong with putting boundaries - try not to take his behaviour personal.

Goodness, I'm sorry to hear that critical self-reflection and openness to hearing feedback from your loved ones on how they're experiencing your interactions is something that seems strange to you outside of an employment evaluation.

I think it's odd that you haven't already challenged him about this. After the first couple of times I'd have said myob when he asked me about what I was up to, and explained why.

I'd make up really random stuff to check if he's actually paying attention or just asking because it's the right thing to do sort of thing.

Something like you've just booked a trip Zorbing round lake Windermere, the neighbour was annoying you so you've put weedkiller in their flower beds. If those sort of things are met with an "oh right" you know he's not really listening and can start discussing your wildest sexual fantasies with dh

Where does he work? Is he working in law where there is a duty of confidentiality (albeit he could give a general outline). One of my children work in a government setting and he isn't allowed to tell us anything. Jut is happy to talk about his social life and gf.

Maybe it's time he moved out.

I think this is typical of parent and children relationship. Children are accustomed to parents detailing their lives whereas as children get they tend to tell you less - possible due to fear of judgement. There is nothing wrong with putting boundaries - try not to take his behaviour personal.

If as his parents you are expected to put up with this, it will probably be what he carries on into his relationships. It is pathetic and immature that he can't just be normal and talk. Yes, OP, point out the disparity.

I know someone like this and the truth is he has a very dull, isolated, odd life that he does not wish to share with his family. He is actually gay but can not admit it to anyone, has never had a relationship and cuts himself off from any close relationships of any kind. He is very successful at work but extremely private. Might your son be the same?

What a waster. Kick him out. Time he stood on his own two feet. You deserve so much better than this for a son.

My DS is a less extreme version of this. Clearly thinks my life is an open book as far as he's concerned, and while he'd never say MYOB, doesn't give back anywhere near as much about his, only when it suits him, and is very good at being evasive and shutting down enquiries about his plans when it doesn't. If I try to do the same he looks hurt and says 'Is it a secret or something?'

Well, I think think that a petty tit for tat interaction is going to help tbh.

He's clearly a little bit immature still, and I suspect things will get better as he ages.

It definitely sounds like a good time for him to think about moving out.