please help

@WorthyLurker well done and good luck

you could ring the NSPCC and ask for advise on where to get support - they might be able to help

That's great news, well done!

Well done @WorthyLurker , that's a brilliant step forwards!

It is overwhelming OP. What do you struggle with most? Do you work and struggle for time, or to get started? Or to actually get rid of stuff?

Something that helps me when I'm struggling is this
1 - empty the bins, new bags. Spend a minute in each room putting any rubbish in a bag. Put it all out in the wheelie bin.

2 - scour the house for plates, cups etc. Take them all to the kitchen.

3 - this is a good one to involve the kids . Go in one room, and pick up anything that doesn't belong. Hand to a child "take this to X room". Do this with each room. Make a pile of laundry if needed and put a load on.

Start involving the DC with general tidying. Even 10 minutes a day of doing it together will make a difference. Set a timer.

Good luck!

this may or may not be helpful OP, but if you can you join Freecycle, where you can offer stuff and people come and collect it from you? If I don't feel up to small talk, I just tell them I'll be out and have left item outside. Decluttering that feels good as well, as people are grateful. You can chip away- get rid of the biggest things first. Good luck.

I use the Flylady app. The checklists appeal to my autistic nature.

I think your problem is far more than cleaning. Your mental health is suffering and the mess and hoarding are symptoms. Get help with that, and then you will be in a place to get your home back into a better state. Your GP is your starting point. Social Services will almost certainly help, not condenm. You aren't hurting your children, you are a caring mother who has become overwhelmed.

Try your GP first.

That sounds really tough, Op. Maybe someone can suggest a website which breaks sorting / clearing out down into little chunks for you?

A private cleaner coming in to help you would be cheaper than a cleaning company probably.

And I agree, the gas person won’t care - much better to be safe. You can always say, oh we’re moving soon 😊

I wouldn't worry about the boiler repair guy. He will have see it all. Just ensure there is clear access to the boiler.

Secondly, how about tackling your hoarding from another angle? Clear one room, then put everything you feel you need or want to keep in that room. Then be ruthless with the stuff in the other room. Get rid off stuff without overthinking.

Just a thought!

Stop worrying about them taking your children and seek help through every avenue open to you. The threshold for removal is incredibly high and you won't meet it if your children are fed, clean and doing well, whatever the state of your house.

I'm autistic too and post diagnosis got a support worker through social services twice a week to help me clear the mess. They understood that I wasn't a hoarder, that autism affects the 'spark plug' that gets us going on tasks. So someone being there saying 'come on, lets clear this bit now' was all I needed.

Can you contact whoever diagnosed your ASD (whether NHS or Private) and ask if there's an Adult ASD Intervention Service? Or the National Autistic Charity might know. It will completely depend on your area, but sometimes there's actually quite a bit of help available if you know how to access it. I'm Autistic and had a Support Worker for 6 months when I really needed it, and was offered counselling and told what grants I could apply for

And if there is no support for Autistic adults in your area, you may still be able to access some help via the children's service as your son is Autistic, even if it is just a grant to pay for a cleaner/organiser to help you with the house

Also, have you applied for PIP? It sounds like you would definitely be entitled to it, but get help filling in the forms if need be

Autistic burnout is awful and you basically feel like you are drowning under what other people find to be simple things that need doing, but it will get better with time. Try not to be hard on yourself, but I know that's easier said than done

Edited to add: here is one Grant you may be eligible for, they are offered specifically to pay for help around the house
https://www.frederickandrewtrust.org/how-we-can-help

That sounds really tough.

Rather than think in terms if not being able to get it all done before the check, what could you get done before? Could you focus on the areas that will be seen by the safety person?

I totally understand your fear, I have a relative in a similar position. It is important to have your safety check done, so please don't rearrange it again.

It sounds like a trip to the GP yo see if any medication could be offered to help with your depression.

You can ask them or your child's school to refer you to Early Help if you have that in Scotland, they are not social services, but workers who support you in order to not need social services.

Is there a family member who could help? If your brother helped again could you ask him to take the bags away? Or order a skip?

What do you think the barriers are to getting back on top of things? Are you someone who finds doing a little and often, or one big push on occasion works best for you?

You sound like a good mum who puts her children first, so don't beat yourself up.

First of all, well done for reaching out and asking for help here. You are a good mum - you are focused on improving things for your children. You need to see GP asap and get whatever help you can. A social worker can help and support you. You have had a lot to deal with. You can and will get better, with the right support. Be proud that you have two children you adore, and are trying to have a better life. You deserve care and support too.

Social services priority is to work with you. Our Council has a specialist service that works with hoarders to help them sort and dispose of unnecessary stuff.

Instead of contacting children's social services contact adult social care. You are likely elligible for support for yourself. They will refer to Children's Social services if needed but their focus will be putting support in for you to be able to manage day to day living which should enable you to meet your Children's needs.

Please go to the GP and ask to be assessed for depression. That feeling of being unable to start because it’s all so overwhelming is a classic symptom for me. And given all that you’ve been through it wouldn’t be a surprise. Medication really can help, and counselling might also be useful.

On the house issue, apply for Sort Your Life Out and get Stacey Solomon to do it!

Can you afford a skip? Do not worry about sorting stuff out and recycling at this point just chuck anything you don’t need. Or just put as much as you can in your rubbish collection each week.

Are you able to throw stuff out? Or do you get stuck on the 'I need to keep it' bit?

If you can throw away then the advice above (and there are mn hoarders threads too). If you 'need' to keep things you need more help probably.

Can your DC help? Are there classes of things? Eg find all the clothes lying around put them on my bed and we'll sort.

Oh I'm sorry. Thats an awful lot to cope with.

Personally I'd avoid Social Services getting involved in my life.

Have you got a local twins support group?

Local church, even if you aren't religious will often help.

Support groups for your various conditions?

There is this woman who has videos & podcasts (all free) who has developed a system of decluttering because none of the other systems worked for her. She's undiagnosed, but says she probably is on the spectrum. She is great, makes it easy and motivating. She works (and explains how) so that it never makes more mess, no matter how little time you have it's always better after. Just 5 minutes at a time will see progress.

give her a chance to help you.

She started off blogging because she wanted to be a writer, but was too overwhelmed by the state of her house to write.

she started off anonymously as Nonna A slob comes clean.

https://www.aslobcomesclean.com/2022/04/daily-tasks-and-the-5-step-decluttering-method-bring-big-changes/

sorry I can't be practical help, but I hope this does help, keep posting xx

Do you work op? I know it can be so hard to find the time to tidy when you work and you’ve got kids on your own. Like others have said try and do just half an hour a day. If you don’t work or you are part time maybe try and do a few hours a day to get going with it. Focus on one room at a time.

You’re not a bad parent. You’re overwhelmed. If you sort your MH you’ll feel more able to start. Trust me on this one! I’m sorting my house out after years of not keeping on top of things. One step at a time.

Aim to do half an hour a day. Start with whatever you think will show most useful and/or visible results quickly. Once you get going, you'll probably feel up to doing more.

But do see your GP. You can't be left to cope with your illness on your own.