16 year old son ignored my birthday

Do you mean he definitely knew it was your birthday, you’d mentioned it beforehand and he refused to acknowledge it?

What I never understand about these frequent birthday disappointment threads is do families not discuss these things in advance? I like birthdays, we all do, so the birthday person or someone else will suggest what they’d like to do or ask. The same with anniversaries and any other occasion that someone wishes to celebrate.

Given how often this seems to happen it feels like people don’t mention things as a sort of test so they can prove they’re unloved and unappreciated and the people they live with have failed. Sad for everyone.

I have a 16 year old and I expect him to remember my birthday. I do remind him that it's coming up though.

I wouldn't however call him horrible and as a PP said further up threaten to cut them off financially. That's just spiteful.

Teens don't forget our birthdays to be horrible, they're just wrapped up in themselves at that age. A gentle nudge tp remind them that the world doesn't revolve around them is fine, nastiness isn't.

I suspect you have bigger problems in your relationship and this is just one symptom. Tell us more about the dynamic in your home?

Birthdays are big in our house so this just wouldn’t happen. I would feel hurt in your position but I think there is a lot of talking and reflecting that needs to go on.

terns may be ‘self absorbed’ but it costs nothing to say ‘happy birthday’

I would be really hurt too

there is no excusing this level of selfishness - unless challenged it will continue until adulthood.

i really hate how all teen behaviour in this day and age is excused. manners maketh man - and the everyone should learn to respect and consider other people.

them totally ignoring it is so rude and really inconsiderate of your child. How hurt would they be I’d you totally ‘forgot’ their birthday… a lot to be said about learning to stand in another shoes and see their point of view.

I hope your teen has reflected on how hurt you are - but I have a feeling they will be to ‘entitled’ to do so… unless we call out this level of selfishness - what on Earth will become of the next generation?

I think you were right to call it out.

I hope you can do something nice with friends etc .

This is not the win you think it is! Some people 🙄

My DSC are older teens/young adults, this week I sent them a gentle nudge to remind them about fathers day this week, I think if I hadn't they probably have forgot. Not out of any desire to intentionally ignore their father but because they have busy lives and young people are by nature quite ego centric. At 16 they would have needed a bit of a nudge. I think there is a big difference between ignore and forgot btw - I'd be far more worried if my child knew it was my birthday and did nothing than if they forgot. If the former I think there's some work with them to understand why. I think ultimately shouting at a child is never unlikely to have the desired outcome.

Can you do some repair work together. Sit him down and apologise for shouting, explain your feelings to him so he understands why you feel hurt, provide him space to apologise and think through together what it can look like moving forward.

I wouldn't speak with you again either after that. Financial contributions are mandated because otherwise the kids can't get a loan. Your DH is a disgrace and deserves to have lost his kids.

My birthday was a couple ofcweeks ago in the middle of DS's exams. His GCSES are far more important than my birthday this year. I did remind them it was my birthday and I got a box of chocolates from the corner shop, but no way would I have been so selfish as to stress him out the morning of an exam by having a tantrum about my birthday, even if he had completely forgotten!

I would think he forgot, then once you started attacking him he didn't feel inclined to wish you anything good.

What you could have done was remind him in advance and on the day. Something like "it's my birthday on Monday, shall we go out for a meal to celebrate?"; that gives him opportunities to get the card and gift sorted out. Separately, teach him how to put calendar reminders on his phone that recur, so he will be reminded in future years.

Seriously? You had your H threaten to cut off uni funding for ignoring Christmas. I am not surprised that your stepson isn't speaking to you. I think you were the ones who got the consequences there. Yet you are encouraging OP to do the same to her own child. Jesus wept.

It's that little, it costs nothing to be nice that tops this one off. You weren't nice, it cost you an entire adult relationship with your stepson, but you are oblivious.

I'm with your SC on this one if you think emailed financial blackmail is acceptable.
(I also think there's a ton of back story)

My DS went through a few years of not bothering with my birthday, Mother’s Day or Christmas presents for both DH and I. It did bother me at first and it upset DH, but life’s too short to argue. DS is now 28 and does now buy cards and presents, I think he now appreciates all that we’ve done for him.

At 16 it wasn't my responsibility to get my parents gifts or cards. What happened when he was younger, ? Is this the first time he's been expected to do it? Did someone ask/tell him to?

If it's GCSE season it's quite possible it totally slipped his mind. No point getting stressed about it.

He emailed them? Wow. I suspect there’s more at play with their NC than them being petulant one Christmas.

Absolutely ridiculous that what I presume to be adults on this post are suggesting a tit-for-tat approach.

Why not role model some healthy adult behaviour now? Apologise for shouting and calling him horrible - that was absolutely out of order. Explain that you were just upset that he didn’t wish you a happy birthday (don’t make it about presents or cards, it’s about the sentiment and consideration); but acknowledge that he must have a lot on his mind with exams (if that’s the case).

Oh well stop feeding them or doing stuff

Yeah and rainbows and unicorns will appear and the teenager will suddenly stand in front of the fridge and go 'hmm where is the food, oh you not feeding me so I will mend my ways and we can all hug and then the American tv movie music will start'

real life does not work that way, do people honestly really think this? or is it one of those throw away lines that have no thought behind them?

Why are you shouting at him for that?
I make sure my teens remember my birthday because I joke and hint it for a few days. Things like "oh you should be saving your money for Tuesday. You know, it's my birthday" or "You know what's going to be really nice on birthday? A big hug, a cup of tea and for you to clean up your room!"
They know I only want it acknowledged really.
Really, a loving and gentle approach is better than submitting them to a test that they might forget they're taking and then to be shouted at when they failed.

A better approach might have been a lighthearted "hey, you seemed to have forgotten what a special day it is today! How are you going to make this up to your amazing mum who does everything for you?"

It's better for him to associate your birthday with love and affection, not stress, obligations and drama.

First of all, Happy birthday OP, I hope you do something nice for yourself, you are the only one who can fully appreciate what you do and today is a day to thank yourself for that. As to him? Teenage brains are prone to selfishness. People show love in different ways. Family dynamics are built over years. None of those things are going to change today.

My sd forgot her Dads and it was so hurtful. We had a very strong conversation with her and she remembered the year after. She was also 16

Stop doing anything for him until he apologises. I get sick of posters defending this and saying “my adult kids don’t bother” , yes, because you have allowed this selfish behaviour in childhood and now they are selfish adults. It’s a life lesson teaching your children that a card and a happy birthday can mean a lot to someone , it’s not the money spent it’s the gesture and thoughtful action.

not mentioning someone's birthday is not the same as the way the OP acted that is the difference, and no we do not know what is going on in the 16yo life or how the OP is towards the 16yo normally we only know the bits they are choosing to tell us

If he's got gcse exams today then give him some slack.

As for those suggesting she forgets his, is petty... he's a child.

It sounds like you are both teenagers. Why on earth would you shout insults at your son. Use your words!.