16 year old son ignored my birthday

@Famfirst

op doesn’t deserve a present or card - why not?
does her son not deserve a present and card when it’s his next birthday then ?

How would you feel if your spouse said that to you? Or if your parents said that to you as a child? The op may have overreacted but calling someone entitled for wanting a small recognition of their birthday from a loved one is peak MN.

Op we understand that he should have said happy birthday but when you say what should you do I'm confused. What does one do when their child doesn't say happy bday? There's nothing to do. You've already had a go at him, you never said what he responded with but I'm assuming he's got the message. Go and enjoy your birthday together with your son!!!

If you want to raise narcissistic, entitled, self involved brats who think the world revolves around them, then sure. I believe though, your job as a parent is to raise a well rounded, self reliant, considerate members of society, and that involves parenting, it doesn’t just happen by magic when they turn 18.

I would be very, very shocked that a 16yo doesn't know his mum's birthday. Something has to be very wrong if he doesn't

Why does someone not craving or needing external validation in their life bother you so much? I fully agree with you @ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie

A cheap card bought in a hurry would mean nothing to me either!

Thank you!

Is he in the middle of GCSEs and just forgot? You could have reminded him in a jokey way. A bit childish to shout at him and call him horrible.

You sound like an absolute joy!

I have found this thread very interesting. I am surprised at how many people wouldn't mind or wouldn't care if their dc did this, at the excuses for such rude behaviour.

I think it might go some of the way towards explaining why behaviour is deteriorating in schools - little princes whose every misdemeanour is lovingly excused at home.

OP, nothing wrong with setting out reasonable expectations. We accept the behaviour we walk past.

Only forgivable if he's mid-exams and genuinely forgot and was apologetic.

@Famfirst

why not? Surely it’s part and parcel of being a decent human being unless you have totally terrible parents (which are few and far between)

You absolutely don't!

@ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie

totally agree with you that having children shouldn’t be anyone’s raison D’etre! And even so I think at the very least 16 year olds should be able to get their parents a birthday card and say happy birthday!

I am sure that is meant to be kind and validating, for which I thank you. However, external validation isn't something that matters to me. I am a person who happens to have children, they are not my raison d'etre.

I am not stopping anyone spoiling me if they choose to, I just do not expect it. I also do not see picking up a card from the corner shop in passing as spoiling me.

Nothing. You don't deserve to get a present or card, and he certainly doesn't deserve to be guilt tripped.
You'll never know if he's buying you anything in future because he wants to or because he feels obligated or to avoid you throwing a hissy fit. Don't be so entitled.

It sounds OTT for me.

But what else can we extrapolate from one very short opening post? Pretty pointless to even discuss.

This needs to stop, it’s just giving boys a free pass not to have consider others, either have this attitude towards boys AND girls, or neither. It’s this attitude that means we end up with future generations of women still feeling like they have to cover for their shit husband/boyfriends and buy gifts and cards on his behalf for his family.

Yabu
He IS a child.
Yeah it's thoughtless and selfish abd you should have told him that. But to make a big deal behind pointing that out is ott. Calling him a horrible person is ott... he's just a teenager and yes they are self absorbed even the most lovely ones.
And these people saying to ignore his birthday in revenge are batshit. That is your child. It's next level wrong to ignore your own child's birthday.. it's not equivalent to your teen child forgetting yours.
Remember that you raise the children you then deal with as an adult.
Its you who are the parent and should be setting an example of emotional maturity and taking the high road.
So you say 'I'm a bit hurt that you completely forgot my birthday, that isn't very kind'
You then put the date in his phone calander for next year so he gets a reminder, and you leave at that.
No name calling and emotive language.
You want to raise a reasonable adult then start by behaving like a reasonable adult.

@ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie

eveyone deserves having a fuss made of them at times whether they are 5 years old or 50! Let people spoil you a bit - you’re not just a mum, you’re a person - you matter too!

Did he deliberately ignore it or forget, there's a diference. Especially if he is doing GCSEs.

But I'm wondering if OP's 'horrible' reaction, while it seems OTT in isolation, was actually the last straw and that he is generally selfish and entitled.

Of course I have celebrated their birthdays because they are children. I am an adult, I don't need a fuss making as if I am 5 years old. Or for them to be getting all excited about it as if they are still 5 years old.

But thanks for calling me really peculiar. I appreciate it. 👍🏼

@Agix

you absolutely do owe your parents birthday wishes

Yeah maybe shouting was a bit OTT but sometimes it can be a wake up call.

Too many people excusing poor behaviour from teens here. No wonder so many people grow up selfish only thinking of themselves.

Most people don't care about birthdays per se but it's what they represent about making someone feel special/thought of.

I wouldn't apologise (yet) op to your son if you do - he'll end up feeling even more so that he was the right and you've been out of order to tell him off. Let him stew on it for a bit it may be the dose of reality he needs.

ABirdsEyeView · Today 08:54
Agree there's a big difference between forgetting and not bothering.
I don't entirely accept that being a teen is a get out of jail free card for being thoughtless and selfish. Wishing mum a happy birthday is not that onerous a task. But if he did just completely forget the date, I'd not be cross about that”

This. My mum usually forgets my birthday. It’s become a running joke. Have I ever shouted at her about it? Hell no, of course not. Because I’m a grown up.

I would have been extremely upset too. Not so much about the card or the gift but the fact that he didn't even acknowledge your birthday, it was just plain rude.
Teenagers can be so self centred sometimes.
I think you need to tell him later how hurt you were but maybe apologise for calling him horrible (even though what he did was) and hopefully he will apologise for forgetting
I'm guessing he is in the middle of GCSEs, which is why he forgot but he still needs to accept he was wrong.
Happy birthday by the way 🙂