Child s education

You can challenge your friend without directly having a go at her. Tell her it's unfair it works this way in a modern society and you're worried about where your son will go.

What would definitely be religious discrimination would be if the state actually stole a school which was founded by and initially funded by a church for the benefit of childen of that religion in order to force it to be a secular school.

Religious organisations started founding and funding schools centuries before the state decided to provide universal education. In communities where schools had already been created by religious communities the state agreed to take over the staff payroll in enchange for agreement that any excess places beyond the requirements of families of that religion in the area would go to other families. The religious school owners agreed to maintain ownership of the buildings and usually financial responsibility for upkeep on the understanding that the families for whom the school was founded would still get priority.

But entry criteria are not actually allowed to be faith based, only action based. You have to be able to qualify by going through the motions whether or not you believe. There will be plenty of children at the religious school whose parents have no faith at all but who took the necessary actions to qualify.

Calling this religious discrimination is deliberately misinterpreting and ignoring these facts. You did in fact have several year's notice that you would eventually be the parents of a school-age child. You had freedom to choose where to settle. You chose an area where the school had entry criteria which you then chose not to take steps to qualify for. These were all your free-will choices.

If your dc are young and she's crowing about being able to go to the good secondary every time you meet she's insensitive and I'd distance myself.

It's either that or you grit your teeth and be friends with someone who is not very nice and makes you feel bad.

You could tell her to stop going on about it as it's insensitive as you have less chance of getting in through accident of birth.

To be honest I don't think you'd necessarily like your dc to go to faith school. I'm Catholic and have a visceral reaction to non-faith schools, it's lacking for me. I reckon you might have the same reaction to your dc being schooled in a faith you don't believe in.

I appreciate its frustrating that these people are playing the system in your eyes. Meanwhile there may be people in these children's families who are happy the children are being raised culturally in that faith. If you aren't of the faith yourself it can be hard to understand the community or the way in which a faith education is an important part of a lifelong association. You don't need that for your dc. Anything could happen in the years before secondary. Make your decisions on their education based on what's right for you and your family and not what anyone else is doing.

I have a real issue with any school recieving state taxes having religious access criteria. I am in Ireland it is only beginning to have multidenominational options.

We got very lucky and a year before my eldest needed secondary a Multi D secondary opened, after a decade of campaigning. Perhaps there is a process to campaign for a change?

If it was me I would double check the criteria of the religious schools - even though your friends may have baptised their children, I think a lot of the time admissions are based on references from the priest / vicar, and I think in some faith schools things like if you help out at church services and attend extremely regularly then these get you extra ‘points’.

If the schools are that good they are undoubtedly going to be oversubscribed, so your friends’ children may not actually get places, depending on the oversubscription criteria, and how many other children’s families tick all the boxes to a greater extent than them. There is a catholic secondary school locally, and I have known a number of families who assumed their dc would get places, but who didn’t, as it was rated outstanding, and massively over subscribed.

I think if you look into this, it will make you feel a bit better (as your dc and their friends may well end up going to the same (non-faith based) school). You should not worry about other dc (and their parents) - your dc is likely to find new friends at secondary anyway, and can always keep in touch with existing friends outside of school. You should think about a good school for them - and if it is important to you, you can always (if you have time / resources) move into the catchment of a school that you like.

And if it is a long while until your dc are at secondary, it is possible that the ratings of local schools will change - this has happened locally… faith based school (formerly outstanding) has gone down to requires improvement, and formerly ‘failing’ school, now good (and desirable). Anyway - ofsted ratings aren’t everything. I have chosen a ‘good’ rated secondary over an ‘outstanding’ rated secondary for one of my dc because it is a much better fit for my child, and is much better than the outstanding one in a lot of ways.

As someone who has had two children go through primary, secondary and sixth form one thing you need to understand is that not all learning takes place within a school so as a parent you can absolutely make a massive difference to your child's academic success by understanding what is important. So whilst schools seem important a child can be successful with the right kind of attitude to school and education.

The other thing to bear in mind is that schools can and do change, just because it is a faith school does not mean they won't end up with a cohort of children who can tank its reputation and academic success. The school near to us had this happen and for the first year ever didn't have their school homepage with their GCSE result success emblazoned across it.

This sounds OTT if your kids are quite young and not going any time soon. We live in a complicated area for schools where the so-called 'best' schools are a mix of grammars, faith schools and schools that offer places on banding and other criteria (sport, drama, music). DD is year 3 and there is only occasional chat about schools. I would step back if the friendship is making you feel worse.

I live in a town with good but oversubscribed state schools, and I agree with pp that lots of people are in your situation - maybe not because of religion, but because their child lives slightly further away or doesn't have a sibling or whichever criteria is relevant.

I do think it's insensitive of your friends to go on and on about it. They sound a bit braggy.

As your child is quite young you have time to think about this. Could you consider moving to the catchment area of another good school?

You can apply to a religious school, even when you are not of that faith. The acceptance criteria is slightly different to a non faith school. I work at a faith school and we have a bout a 55/35 split.

The sadness you feel is the same sadness lots of parents feel because they are unable to afford a house in an area with a good school and therefore their only option for their child is to go a school that isn't as good.

I think the problem here is really your attitude towards the situation, you can't change the rest and it is most definitely not your friend's fault. I understand you want the best for your children but what do you want? Your friends to choose a different school to make you feel better? I hope your attitude about this is not shown to your children as that is what will ruin their secondary school experience.