To feel this is the end because he called me a c€&t under his breath

I agree.

I think a lot depends on the context of the argument but last week dh and I had the most stupid row (married 15 years), we were watching a Tv series and I fell asleep during part of it and when I woke up I snapped at him - being honest I was annoyed with myself for falling asleep and missing part of it - and he kept telling me to rewind it and the button wouldn’t work etc anyway all very stupid, I snapped, he snapped and then I said I was going to bed and under his breath he called me a dick (😳🤣) it actually makes me laugh now because were absolutely fine again and I know I was being a bit of a dick so fair enough. But I guess if it was something huge and there’s a festering resentment maybe that changes things.

You'd be doing yourself a huge favour...

So people can't even think a word now, in private, never intending anyone to hear?

No wonder you suspect that he represses his feelings op. Of course he does. Even private thoughts are policed now.

I’m struggling to get past this terrible comment, and that someone would actually write such a thing.

@Stingofthelash because I asked a question?

Gosh.

Yeah I doubt she was going back to say sorry.

So he expressed his anger to himself and you happened to walk in at an unfortunate moment?

have you never been so frustrated that you have had to get it out in peace?

I know lots of people find that cunt is a powerful word but it is just a word. He didn’t say it to you. Would you feel the same way if he called you a dick head with the same feelings behind the word? Or a for fucks sake?

emotions were running high it may have felt worse than it was in the moment.

Exactly this. What was your plan @RealNewt? Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in sounds like you planned to re ignite the fight? But now you can go full blown wronged party.

It shows a level of contempt and deep dislike, even hatred of you. Yes, I do think it’s very very serious

wow; I’ve been with my husband 30 years, suspect at some point I’ve called him every expletive under the sun, and we have a very easy going real with few arguments.

horrified anyone would write it means, contempt, hate and dislike, but then I habe seen on here that telling people their relationship is bad is a sport for some posters.

This. It's more or less the sane as him thinking it, none of your business.

Totally agree I would have responded with another insult and left it at that

I guarantee that if he had flounced out of the room, then came back in and interrogated you then posters would be saying you were entirely justified in calling him a cunt as he was behaving like one

I don’t understand why cunt is worse than say, twat?

As I said upthread, we are not name-callers. But if we were, I wouldn’t take extra offence at cunt than any other profanity.

Op, habe you honestly never done it yourself? Muttered bastard, fucker, cunt, or any other expletive under your breath after an argument, if you haven’t you’re a genuinely rare person, as I think most of us have at some point.

I agree

In an otherwise healthy marriage where you have no desire to split up, absolutely not. Rather ridiculous in my opinion and WAY too much gravitas on a stupid word muttered to oneself in a heated moment. Overreaction, but MN does tend to overreact on something like this.

Not sure
If DH muttered it, and I heard, then was really sorry, I think I’d get past it.

If a man ever called me that to my face, they’d be gone.

It’s a really horrible, repulsive word and to use it on someone is a last resort and for me it’s only reserved for, well a total c**t.

It's a vile word to use but it wasn't meant to be heard, still It implies there isn't much respect or love there really. Unless your DH is a sweary type and to him the word was just a vent he uses a lot? It's hard to tell.
I could imagine muttering some words after a fight but not that one but maybe I am being prissy about it, it seems to be a bit strong for a bit of a fall out on holiday.
Really It's how your marriage is generally and the bigger picture only you can know if it's likely he really feels that about you.

Totally depends on the relationship you have. If I walked in on DH calling me that we’d both just laugh because he’d been busted and vice versa.

But if you don’t have that sort of relationship it’s an issue, that’s why I don’t think anyone can say whether YABU or not.

I haven't read the rest of the thread but want to say that I wish I had ended things the first time exH called me that. It would have saved me 10yrs of misery and suffering.

I'm sorry you're in this position. Know your worth and know in what context you would find it acceptable to call someone that. That will give you your answer.

Relatively speaking, the C word being so inexcusably taboo is fairly recent and it was just a reasonably common word for a lady's downstairs for ages.

It's also amusing as fuck when MNers start pearl clutching over the word when MN is one of the few places where that particular word can be used, and is used frequently, online. For relatively minor "offenses".

Yet a man muttering it under his breath when he's alone is vilified!

And OP interrogated him! That's not OK. If anything he's the one who needs to LTB with that attitude

Sounds like you have form for walking out of arguments.

It also seems to me that you have got what you wanted.

To be able to return to a room to carry on with the argument, caught him out and used that not only to "win" but be a martyr as well.

I think many of us would be very shocked indeed to discover what our mild mannered loved ones think and say in the privacy of their own heads (or in what they believe to be the privacy of an empty room!) when they need to off load some anger.
It's really unfortunate you heard something never intended for your ears, but if we're honest, most of us would admit to a little inward rage, surely? I think if he has never spoken to you like that and is suitably mortified that you were hurt by something you'd never have known he was thinking, I'd be inclined to get past it. I would be interested to know in your shoes what enraged him so much about what you thought were ordinary cross words though.

I never understood why people are so offended by the word? Yes it’s not pleasant but if someone calls you one or something else why is it always seen as worse. He called you it under his breath when you had left the room so while it’s not nice to hear it’s not like he shouting at you calling you one. I find it very hard to believe you have never called your husband or anyone a name under your breath when angry

And other way round.