Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

To feel this is the end because he called me a c€&t under his breath

238 replies

RealNewt · 11/06/2024 00:29

Hi, I really need some advice. Just had a fight with DH while on holiday and walked out of the room. I changed my mind and walked back in, and heard him at the tail end of calling me a cunt to himself. He (under interrogation) admitted it. I am really shocked that he would call me this, even to himself. For the record, I wasn’t being particularly unreasonable or acting cuntish, it was just a stupid fight about nothing.

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page
TheWorldisGoingMad · 17/07/2024 16:50

Sorry bit I don't think it's a one-off. Who calls anyone a c*nt! Disgusting terminology which shows he has no respect for you. You wouldn't know if it was a one-off anyway. Perhaps you were not in the room or in earshot other times.

I don't care what the reason is. That would be an elephant in the room going forward, it would have to end. Especially as you say, it was a trivial matter. He's not going to age well if this is in his foundations. You deserve better, don't you?

Goodtogossip · 17/07/2024 15:47

Get a grip! You'd just argued & stormed out, he was venting & called you a name. It wasn't directed at you just said under his breath as he vented. I've done the same when I've argued with DH. I've also left the room & flicked him the birdy behind the door. It's really not that deep & definitely not worth ending a relationship over.

Original poster
RealNewt · 15/06/2024 08:54

fluffypooch · 14/06/2024 23:43

It's just another word for fanny, minge, floof, lady garden, vagina. No comparison to a gun at all grow up.

Show quote history

With respect, I don’t think you really picked up what I was saying.

OP posts:
Disturbia81 · 15/06/2024 07:26

@AnnieSnap I understand some people use it more lightly and mean something less serious. The men I've known intimately don't throw that word around and I know if they said it about me it would be over.
The fact it's upset the OP so much indicates he is the latter

AnnieSnap · 15/06/2024 00:14

Disturbia81 · 14/06/2024 23:03

Cunt is a powerful word.. A very sinister word to use about someone you're meant to love. It's got so much resentment and hate behind it
I wouldn't be able to think of him the same

But it isn’t seen that way by some people. It has none of those connotations behind it to some. Not liking is is one thing, taking issue with being called it us reasonable, but then the sensible thing is to bear in mind is the intent behind it!

fluffypooch · 14/06/2024 23:43

RealNewt · 14/06/2024 22:53

While not really arguing with anything people have said here, cos I’m just grateful for all of your angles on this, one thing I’d say to the posters referring to pearl clutching over a mere word etc, is that words DO have power. Saying that “cunt” is only a word is like saying a gun is only an ornament unless you kill somebody with it. The word represents something in context, and in the context of my relationship and that row I felt it represented contempt for me.
Jesus I feel ready to complete s PhD in cunt studies at this stage 😂

It's just another word for fanny, minge, floof, lady garden, vagina. No comparison to a gun at all grow up.

Disturbia81 · 14/06/2024 23:03

Cunt is a powerful word.. A very sinister word to use about someone you're meant to love. It's got so much resentment and hate behind it
I wouldn't be able to think of him the same

Original poster
RealNewt · 14/06/2024 22:53

While not really arguing with anything people have said here, cos I’m just grateful for all of your angles on this, one thing I’d say to the posters referring to pearl clutching over a mere word etc, is that words DO have power. Saying that “cunt” is only a word is like saying a gun is only an ornament unless you kill somebody with it. The word represents something in context, and in the context of my relationship and that row I felt it represented contempt for me.
Jesus I feel ready to complete s PhD in cunt studies at this stage 😂

OP posts:
AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 22:41

Allfur · 14/06/2024 22:29

All the posters who are normalising it

Show quote history

Firstly, screaming it in someone’s face isn’t being normalised. Swearing at a partner in or immediately after a row is and this guy muttered cunt under his breath after she left the room, so it wasn’t even at his wife 🤷‍♀️ It’s not a word I’ve used myself, but it is in common usage.

Allfur · 14/06/2024 22:29

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 22:06

Good for you. I haven’t either. What’s your point?

Show quote history

All the posters who are normalising it

Busybee44 · 14/06/2024 22:07

To end the relationship over that? not a chance, everyone has a moan and may mutter something in the heat of the moment !

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 22:06

Allfur · 14/06/2024 21:00

It's funny how I've got through my whole adult life without screaming it in someone's face or saying it under my breath

Good for you. I haven’t either. What’s your point?

Allfur · 14/06/2024 21:00

It's funny how I've got through my whole adult life without screaming it in someone's face or saying it under my breath

Learnsometjingeveryday · 14/06/2024 20:31

ILikeItWhatIsIt · 11/06/2024 11:30

I love how Mumsnet is full of stepford wives.
Never had a negative thought about their partner
Never called them a name
Never raised their voice, never even thought about it
Never took the huff, never petty
Children are all angels, never arseholes

Load of shite

I was thinking the exact same , I've called my partner quite a few things and him me and to his face , do I love him any less? No
It's a word I hate with a passion. But it is just venting , if he was screaming it in your face then thats different, my neighbours are Scottish and say it in every sentence yet you say Bitch they hate it ! ..(love my neighbours like family by the way ) I guess it depends on your relationship , but I wouldn't think it was the end because I had heard him mutter it to himself !! I prob would if said yes and u can be one to !

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 19:30

@PuddlesPityParty you clearly haven’t read all of my responses on this thread.

Meetingofminds · 14/06/2024 16:21

fluffypooch · 14/06/2024 14:58

The Pearl clutching on here is laughable. I can't believe grown adults in 2024 are still offended by words. Get a grip cunt is a great word.

Some of us have standards, some of us don’t. Clearly. There is not a chance that word would be welcomed in my circles.

PuddlesPityParty · 14/06/2024 16:20

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 14:35

Oh for heavens sake. I didn’t say she had, I just said “it’s done” i.e. the situation. The reason I’m replying to you is because you are “picking’ at this and the OP is already worried about their issues and considering couples therapy. She really doesn’t need a MN provocateur like you.

Show quote history

Hmm I don’t think there’s anything wrong with holding people accountable. MN has a bad issue of just taking the woman’s side and I think you’re case in point.

fluffypooch · 14/06/2024 14:58

The Pearl clutching on here is laughable. I can't believe grown adults in 2024 are still offended by words. Get a grip cunt is a great word.

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 14:35

PuddlesPityParty · 14/06/2024 13:30

You keep replying to me too - why are you so occupied? So yes, like I originally said before you decided to get involved for some reason, I hope the OP has apologised because she certainly hasn’t said she has like you originally claimed.

Show quote history

Oh for heavens sake. I didn’t say she had, I just said “it’s done” i.e. the situation. The reason I’m replying to you is because you are “picking’ at this and the OP is already worried about their issues and considering couples therapy. She really doesn’t need a MN provocateur like you.

PuddlesPityParty · 14/06/2024 13:30

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 13:22

Maybe she didn’t. They are working it out. FFS why are you so occupied with this? 🙄

Show quote history

You keep replying to me too - why are you so occupied? So yes, like I originally said before you decided to get involved for some reason, I hope the OP has apologised because she certainly hasn’t said she has like you originally claimed.

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 13:22

PuddlesPityParty · 14/06/2024 13:19

Where though??? I’m asking? I can’t see where she said she did!!!! Jesus.

Show quote history

Maybe she didn’t. They are working it out. FFS why are you so occupied with this? 🙄

PuddlesPityParty · 14/06/2024 13:19

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 13:16

She has explained that they both have issues. They are trying to work it out and considering counselling. Go off and Police something in your own life!

Show quote history

Where though??? I’m asking? I can’t see where she said she did!!!! Jesus.

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 13:16

PuddlesPityParty · 14/06/2024 13:11

Don’t know why you’re rolling your eyes. She should apologise. Her poor partner is all I can say.

Show quote history

She has explained that they both have issues. They are trying to work it out and considering counselling. Go off and Police something in your own life!

PuddlesPityParty · 14/06/2024 13:11

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 13:08

🙄

Show quote history

Don’t know why you’re rolling your eyes. She should apologise. Her poor partner is all I can say.

AnnieSnap · 14/06/2024 13:08

PuddlesPityParty · 14/06/2024 11:38

I did - can’t see where she apologised though?

Edited
Show quote history

🙄