If you moved house frequently as a child

My parents did this. It was totally fine as they kept us at the same school.

I think staying by their schools would be the biggest consideration for me. I didn't move once during my childhood; we moved a couple of years ago when my kids were tweens so we tend to stay put!

We also found it really really difficult to do works round the children, it was actually harder as they got older - that tricky age, 2-6/7 ish when they're still so dependent and can be clingy with you, and need guidance during activities and suchlike.

But! TBH I admire your get up and go. I've had a kitchen plinth in the hallway for a month because I can't bring myself to cut it down and attach it - it'll take maybe ten minutes!

We moved seven times in as many years, because my father was an idiot whose ambitions about where to live far exceeded his income. This was in my first seven years, and tbh I don't remember how I felt at the time. It may have contributed to my never having important friendships as a child (though I was shy then, so maybe not). It didn't affect my relationship with my mother, and my loser father had waltzed off with his latest light o' love before I was nine, and there was not much relationship there to be affected.

Yeah, sorry, it’s a massive impact. I agree with @Meetingofminds kids are like saplings and need roots. It had a knock on effect for the rest of my life that only began to show in my mid twenties. It was also for the “money” a lot of which I’ve spent on therapy. And I’ve come out the less affected than my siblings. We also went from building site to buildings site as my parents renovated. Not fun at all. When other kids are developing in a linear fashion, I believe kids who’ve had a lot of turbulence (like moving) develop in a manner of having to steady the boat and continually start again, rather than spend time developing themselves. Unless you’re an adult in their mid thirties onwards who has this upbringing, you have no idea. Out of three families I know who did this, there’s serious mental health issue - one has committed suicide. Take of that what you will

Umm. Righto then.

Before we "settled down" when DDs were 8&9, they had lived in 6 homes in 3 countries (one less for DD2) and attended 5/3 schools. So this final move was House 6, Primary School 5 for DD1. (Now at Secondary)

The house move bit never seemed to bother them. They were used to that... they knew their toys will be there, they chose new decor, (just wall stickers, cushion cover etc). They didn't mind being the New Girl.... it was usually quite fun as they were seen as interesting.
It was the things like not getting a school place for 6 weeks. Then the absolute kicker... the school closures during Covid, and the In/Out lack of consistency.

So now we live in one place, and DH weekly commutes. DD1 is thriving on that consistency. But DD2 hates having her dad so far away.... so can't win there!

If you are living in the same area, and everything is consistent except the address... that is completely different to completely uprooting them.

Schools get extra funding for Military children as it is a problem. (And why the boarding school allowance exists!)

But you won’t know how it has affected them unless you ask them honestly. I guarantee you it has really impacted them, only you have chosen to protect and distant yourself from their reality.

No child is moved repeatedly, without impact. Your child is continuing the pattern of rootlessness because it’s all he has known. It would be good for your children to consider how they feel, properly and acknowledged by you so they can make conscious decisions for the future, and they might well crave a stable home.

We moved lots of times when I was a child. Often to different parts of the country. I'd say it depends on why you're moving. If you're moving because you a chaotic family life, are homeless etc then this does have a negative impact on children. But that's not the reason you're moving so I'd say your children will be fine, especially if they won't be moving schools. I didn't live in houses that were being renovated though so no idea how I'd have felt about that. Moving so often had no effect on my relationship with my parents and I always liked having a new house and new bedroom etc.

@Meetingofminds It’s just not occurred to me to ask them <now> if they see their life, having been so mobile/diverse/whatever as a benefit. They seem happy enough. They’re doing well at school. They have friends. They are late teens, and my oldest has elected to move to a 4th country to study.

Did we get their blessing before each move? No. But there was plenty of notice, and visits etc. It was what it was. It’s the reality for some families.

Moved a huge amount as a child. Lied to my parents that it was ok when they needed reassurance but honestly, it deeply affected and still does to this day. Feel very unsettled and anxious. Same for my siblings

There not adults yet how would you know what the long term fall out is likely to be?

My children are 12&15. We've moved house seven times. It hasn't remotely bothered them.

Why on earth have you never asked them? Such a fundamental question.

I moved quite a lot. I went to 5 schools altogether. My kids will have gone to 3, across 3 countries. It’s been a benefit as far as I’m concerned. I’m not sure what my kids would say about it. I’ve never asked them!

I think of it as saplings, if you move a sapling too often it doesn’t develop roots or flourish into a full blown tree connected to other trees. It remains undeveloped and overshadowed at best, with no firm foundations.

There are other ways to earn money without uprooting your children every five minutes. Most parents manage it.

I'm sorry you find it extreme, but that was the reality.

Constantly moving your children around from one house to another is extreme.

You think kids in school won't notice and won't tease them, or ask why they're moving yet again?

You think other parents and teachers won't judge you for putting your kids through it repeatedly?

DH grew up moving from house to house but still in the same city and the same two schools. On the whole, it was positive for him and certainly made it a lot easier when his parents died as he wasn't attached to either of their properties.

My parents, on the other hand, still live in the same house where I grew up which is packed full of memories (and stuff) and I'm absolutely dreading having to go through it all and sell it when the time comes.

People will say they relocated often and their kids were fine. My OH 's parents (armed forces) say this, 2 of their kids say different.

I think one of the reasoons they say this (along with children being resilient) is that you don't see the impact in childhood - so children appear to be fine.

It's often only as an adult, when long term behaviour patterns emerge and you start to wonder why they are, that you can connect the dots to events in your childhood.

That said, financial security is also important (as a child and adult) and they may grow up grateful for the help. The risk is that they may instead see you as selling off a stable childhood in pursuit of money. That's a tricky balance, imo.

If we’re talking about large sums (enough to be mortgage free and give your children a deposit) I’d consider running the numbers to live in a smaller home yourself and renovate empty houses. Same idea, less downside and much quicker and easier to renovate an unoccupied house.

I would also take a great deal of care to be cautious in your calculations. Having such a large part of your assets in domestic property is high risk- inflation on building materials, housing market etc. I’m sure you know this as you are married to a builder but the days of easy money for renovating are long gone.

Go for it I'm a therapist and want to train in EMDR, it's meant to be fantastic. I'm sorry you went thru similar.
I've had eating disorders most of my life. Just getting to a point in my 40s where I'd say I eat quite normally but I'm still very weight focused and quite prone to unhealthy attachments.

It's a horrible idea, I can't believe you're even considering it OP and I'm glad you have a family member with a bit of common sense.

Children need stability.

I moved frequently as a child and was awful. At a very young age it was scary, at an older age it was stressful and frustrating.

I echo a PP's point about feeling envy for my friends who had a normal family home. I didn't really have a home, I felt completely untethered and that carried on into adulthood.

I don't agree that it's fine if you stay in the same town. It's horrible constantly getting pulled out of an environment you've finally got comfortable in.

Other people in the town will think you're weirdos too, I was so embarrassed every time we moved and I had to face the barrage of questions at school about why I didn't have a proper home.

Please be sensible here.

DS had several moves, including one international one, before turning eight, which is why we’re determined to stay where we are till he’s finished school now. I grew up in one place, but my best friend moved a lot because her parents renovated old houses while living in them and sold them — while this was all within the same large city, and no school moves were involved, and they did make sizeable sums of money, she says one of her main childhood memories is of thinking ‘This house is no longer leaking, freezing, draughty and covered in plaster dust, so there’ll be a FOR SALE sign any day.’

Wow yeah that’s me too. Moving and bingeing at 7. And still stuck with the repercussions. I’m going to try EDMR therapy, my friend had great success. I went to 3 different schools in 12 months (2 moves) and looking back it was definitely the defining year of my life.