If you moved house frequently as a child

This is me. But we slightly rushed into this house and are living beyond our means esp as we don't have to live in south east for work any more Once the kids are finished school in suspect we may move

That post was so moving. Did it influence how you choose to live your life afterwards? I hope you have a happy and settled life now op.

We moved around a lot as kids, both locally & around the country. As the eldest by 5 years I obviously changed schools the most, I think around 10 schools All three of us struggle with relationships & friends as adults. We made friends then moved & needed to make friends again, you started to lose the feeling of needing attachments, of needing friends as you were only going to lose them again. We never felt settled, we weren’t very happy at all. We’ve grown into adults that really struggle.

My sister makes ‘friends’ with everyone & anyone but doesn’t have proper attachments & falls out with them quickly but does everything quickly. She has new friends (literally people she’s just met that night) at her home & around her kids. No idea if they are good people but ‘they’re her friends’. I’m the opposite, I don’t have friends, I don’t really understand how to be a friend, what to do, how to keep in touch etc. it just doesn’t enter my head to contact people so once I do meet friends it doesn’t last as I’m just not very present with them. I really try but I just don’t understand it. I don’t have any friends from school days, none from uni days etc.

my brother went another way, he constantly got in with the wrong crown, go sent to young offenders I don’t even remember how many times, he was constant sent down from about 15-20, then he’s done a few stints as an adult too. He just can’t keep away from the people he shouldn’t. He’s made his friendship groups inside prison & that’s continued into adulthood

i know it’s an extreme example but it’s a true example, it’s massively impacted all of us to the point when me & my husband bought our first house together I just couldn’t bear moving again & we’ve been here 18 years & just overpaid our mortgage to be mortgage free at 42 with two kids. I was determined to have stability for mine, I wouldn’t wish my childhood on anyone

By the time I was 12, I'd moved 7 times, including moving countries twice.
Some of the moves bothered me more than others, but it was fine - it hasn't led to me having psychological problems, insecure attachments, or anything like that. I'd say I'm a pretty functional adult with unusually close relationships to my parents and sibling.

I remember joining a school in Year 5 where I was the only person who had come new to that school since Reception and most of the kids had always lived in the same house for their whole life. I think the other children felt a bit sorry for me joining late, but honestly at that time I felt a bit sorry for them - I found the idea of staying in the same place and there being no children coming and going rather weird and claustrophobic.

Obviously there are good and bad ways of doing it, and it depends on your family and setup, but I don't think moving a lot necessarily damages kids. My parents always explained and planned the moves and the reasons for them.

we moved a lot as a child because my mum liked the whole excitement of buying and selling the house. the thing that stuck out and the reason I feel very negative about it was because the children were not involved at all in the process. Literally my mum would announce the house is sold and we are moving to this house in xxx. If it meant moving school or leaving friends she didnt give a shiny. we made a big move/life change when our oldest 3 were under 6. we spent ages talking about it, showing them pictures etc we took them to visit the new school and nursery and made plans for all the fun new things we would do. in other words, exactly the opposite to how my mum did it.

My mum did absolutely no planning in relation to us children. she didnt even investigate the schools or anything. it was just a case of well the council will sort out a school for you. I am in my 60s and still feel bitter about this. all the friends I lost, all the time wasted trying to make new ones and to fit in and never feeling a sense of belonging because I knew she would uproot us. and worse than that, in each new house she would always spin the "wow this is perfect I am never moving" line.

If it’s just the house that changes fine. If it is schools too that is shit and gets harder as they get older

I'd lived in six houses by the time I was 16. I hated moving. I'd get really attached to a house and friends and then we'd move on. And the constant decorating/renovating was tiresome. Living surrounded by works, plaster and dust and no carpets, then seeing it all come together just to sell it and move on to another house that needed work. The shock of coming home to see a "for sale" sign in the garden would make my heart sink. My parents have done well out of it and I don't begrudge them their success, but it did affect me.

I left home at 19 and had the usual few years of rented flats then bought a tiny flat with my boyfriend.

We sold that after 2 years and bought our current house 21 years ago. Have raised two children here and have no intention of ever moving again. It's not even a big family home, or a "forever home" as people call them now - it's actually too small but it is MINE and I love it.

I moved house every 2 years as a child (forces family). As a result I have a pathological loathing of moving house now. But we were moving house AND area. I think if you're staying same area and kids don't have to move schools and make new friends, it's less destabilising

I went to 6 schools before I was 11. Moving house is no big deal, moving schools is. I definitely didn't want that for my DC. It was tough, but I suppose it shaped my character in some positive ways.

Living one house doesn't give you lifelong friends. I have no friends from childhood, partly because I was badly bullied and just wanted to escape by the time I was 18!
I go back to visit my parents only. I hate that place...

DD however is still in contact with friends from previous homes... modern technology is brilliant!

I think there is also a difference when it is expected. Eg forces families. Children know they will have to move. They probably attend schools with other forces children so they are noever the 'new child' for long.

That's totally different to thinking, as previous poster said, that this will be the last move.

Dad was in the army so we moved every 2 years or so. I didn't know any different so it wasn't an issue! A positive outcome is that my brother and I are and have always been extremely close, because we were each other's constant throughout childhood. We're both also very good at making new friends.

Kids are amazingly adaptable and will cope fine.

It's only now that I see the downside - I'm quietly jealous of DH who has a group of friends that he's known since primary school and they still get together regularly. I don't have any friends now who knew me as a child.

I moved house a lot as a kid (8 times by the age of 13 and a few more times after that) and although I don't remember kicking up much of a fuss at the time, it has really bothered me as an adult.

I never felt settled anywhere and I'm envious that my husband can talk about his childhood home when I don't feel like I had one. At one point I remember keeping lots of my belongings in cardboard boxes because it made it easier for when we next moved. I never really unpacked. I can see why it's tempting to put you in a better financial position, but kids don't really care about that.

I think pre-school it’s probably fine, but once at school I would expect a lot more unsettling and disruptive.

@Meetingofminds yep! I continued the pattern of rootlessness!

@Bananasatchristmas i am desperate for a forever home!!! And, yes, it’s a constant argument with our parents - as they feel like they provided

Have you experience of buying/selling houses simultaneously or is this your first home? IME buying your first home is a piece of cake. Coordinating the selling and buying of property with a young family in tow, however, is sheer hell and the most stressful thing I've ever been through. I moved around a lot before kids. Things went wrong a lot, people pulling out the chain, useless lawyers finding planning issues at the last minute etc. etc. On more than one occasion I was left homeless or in a property with no furniture/losing hundreds of pounds in removal costs. It depends where you are of course but generally the market is not an easy one at the moment. Finding suitable housing at exactly the right time, in the right place to keep schooling etc. the same, and then ensuring yours sells and all goes smoothly isn't an easy ask. Sure it happens sometimes but if you're planning on doing this regularly you're opening yourself up to years of stress and uncertainty, which will undoubtedly affect your kids. Will you be able to be a present parent, nice holidays and family times/memories if you're always stressed about legal implications of your next move or current renovations?

A further point around doer upper experience of mine; asbestos, lead paint and various other damaging materials are common in pretty much all properties built up to the 90s. I personally would worry about the dust and implications on their health living in building sites half their childhoods.

It's something I would like to do myself, and I understand the appeal, but I don't think it's fair on the children, personally.

It would, of course, be better if your kids can stay at the same school. But, yeah, the energy I expended on coping with my environment is ridiculous. The sad thing is it’s a privileged trauma. No one is going to like boo hoo, you moved around a lot as a kid and your parents provided for you. But it’s deeply, deeply affected all of us in varying ways

We moved 9 times before I left 'home' at 17 - granted the same secondary so some stability there, but primary changed 3 times. Absolutely hated it and it's still with me. Ive only moved twice as an adult and now I have children I want to stay in this house FOREVER. Im envious of friends who still go home to the place they grew up/or at least have memories of as a younger person.

It did have an effect on me - if you had asked my mum at the time she would have said the kids are fine with it. We weren't at. My sister and I still get angry about it!! Oh and there wasnt a reason, mum just wanted a 'change of scene'.

Fully agree with you, it has a massive impact developmentally which often won't be known until adulthood.

How can anyone seriously believe that moving their children every few years has no impact on them?

They may seem to cope ok with it but you don't know how honest they're being with you, and you don't know how it will affect them into adulthood.

I lived in 7 houses up until 18 across two different countries and have never really thought much about it. I can’t see that it has negatively affected me at all, even when I moved countries mid GCSEs. I made friends fine, was never teased.

My DH has just left the military so my 3 and 1 year old have both lived in three houses across the country. We will do the same as you, developing houses on the side of our jobs, although they’ll stay at the same school. By 18 they’ll both have a mortgage free house with a rental income to provide an income for university. I didn’t have any parental help for university and don’t want them to rack up the same amount of debt!