If you moved house frequently as a child

My husband moved about 12 times from when he was born to 16. At which point another move was imminent and he ended up living with a friend as wanted to stay at school to do a-levels. He’s extremely independent but also very emotionally stunted. He said it definitely messed him up.

i lived in same house all my life and I definitely feel I had such a calm and stable childhood that has resulted in be being a calm and stable person.

Moved frequently and it's had a major impact on friendships. I'm used to letting people go and starting again so I often let friendships slip or don't repair friendships after minor upsets. It's also meant I don't feel like I have good friends. I swore I wouldn't uproot my children and I haven't.

I moved loads as a child. To all different areas of the country, frequently at short notice due to DV. I remember vividly going to schools as the new kid whilst living in a women's aid shelter. To be honest I just got on with it, it was fine & necessary. I don't think it's great if it can be avoided & for my own DD I know she wouldn't cope with it so I plan to keep her at the same school if I can. It definitely made me more resilient but I had far bigger issues in my life than starting a new school, I didn't know what I was going to face when I got home so maybe it's different if the rest of your life is stable.

I had lived in four different cities and moved 10+ times by the time I was 18. I hated moving but understood the limited options my DM had at the time.

As an adult our relationship is fine, the consequences really have been once I finally bought my own house, I never want to move again if I can help it. Had enough for two lifetimes!!

I can only speak for myself of course but I moved around a lot due to my fathers job and yes it was v damaging. in fact I have never really shaken my fear of change as an adult and have a huge fear of losing my home even now.

I went to 8 different schools and lived in 8 houses up to the age of 13 - I think it made me adaptable and resilient.

My eldest moved schools in Y9 and she thinks it made her more confident and resilient too.

My father moved us around a lot. Quite a distance each time. I went to 4 different primary schools and had to adapt to each one being different from the last. No national curriculum back then. I remember being very upset having to leave homes and friends that I liked. There were also relatives we didn’t see much any more. I wouldn’t do this to school age kids, it was horrible and I hated the feeling of suddenly being in an unfamiliar place again and having yet another bedroom that needed decorating. Younger than that would be less of a problem I’d think, though they must still feel the disruption.

I would say our moves haven't impacted my relationship with my parents. Mum and I are very close. Dad a little less so but that's thanks to his current partner rather than the past.

I was always a smidge jealous of my cousins who's parents have lived in the same house for her whole life. Her height and those of her children are etched into the kitchen door. Her first grandchild is there too now. It's a real family home for the generations.

I'd lived in seven houses by the time I was 13, so we moved roughly every other year. It was never further than a few miles, but it did mean for chunks of that time I didn't live near my school friends.

I went to one primary school up to year 6, first living nearby but then moving a bus ride away, then after a house move moved to another primary school for year 6, then moved to the local comprehensive, then after another move I went to another comprehensive from late in year 8 that wasn't the closest one, to be with friends from my original primary school.

The school moves and not living close to friends were harder than the house moves really. I found moving house quite exciting. Getting to choose a new room, making my own space, decorating the new house.

The house I lived in from being 13 until I moved out at 25 is the longest I've lived anywhere. DM moved from that house around two years after I left, to live in London with her partner for a while, but moved back and lived in five more places over 11 years before she died last year. I think she just never really felt settled anywhere.

As for our relationship, it was good. One of the five places she lived after she came back was in our house. The last place she lived was just over the road from us so we would see each other all the time.

One thing I think helped with moving so much was that my grandparents were always a constant. Both sets lived in the same houses for my entire childhood, we'd visit and stay over almost every weekend, everything was always the same there.

I think there is a big space between discouraging them and having an honest conversation about the potential impact on a family of a career that involves moving around.

My parents weren't feckless, they were loving, but they did assume it would be fine and it wasn't. There is quite a bit of longitudinal research now which suggests that children who move frequently in childhood are at greater risk of MH problems, suicide and substance misuse problems. This research wasn't able to my parents then but it is now.

I think it made me more resilient and wiser. But the opposite effect on my brother, really impacted him negatively.

"not all children are the same"

Definitely -I was probably the most impacted because the timings meant I changed school more than DS and DB did. My brother embraced the 'man of mystery' vibe and enjoyed being a slight outsider, my sister was better at picking up the local accent and blending in than I was so she wasn't bullied like I was (there was a persistent rumour that I 'talked posh' because I'd been at private school but was expelled.

I can confound the 'we can tell where you grew up from what you call tag type tests' they kind of shrug and colour most of England red.

We moved around a lot. We emigrated first then moved hours between places. It's horrible as a child. It made one of my brother's a nervous wreck. I hated always being the new girl, sticking out with my different accent. I hate when I read that kids are resilient and they'll settle because sometimes they don't. I see it on here a lot.

As an adult I don't have friends from my childhood and it does hurt my heart a little when I see old school friends who have been friends for years.

I've lived in my home for 17 years, my children grew up here and I made that happen and worked three jobs to keep them here when I ended my marriage ten years ago.

I think you’re right @Groundhoghcg not all children are the same. Not all adults are the same. Not all adults are feckless, not all adults dismiss their childrens’
needs. Like I said earlier, my children are late teens. At least two look like they’ll have ‘international’ careers, like we did. I’m not about to discourage any of my children to have a career as a diplomat (for example) in case it doesn’t suit their children. That would be idiotic. I’ll let them make their own decision. Like we did.

Children are not all the same. Some will be resilient and will thrive on the change, others will really struggle with it and it will impact their development.

I'm in the 2nd camp. I moved 5 times before I was 11 and I frequently like the weird new kid. My sister is very autistic and needed a chance to build friendships and surround myself with support, not move for my parents career with an assumption I would cope.

I had found close friends between 7-11 but I was abruptly moved again, I now know on retrospect that this triggered the first episode in what would be a lifelong struggle with depression. I remember not being able to concentrate suddenly and being so tearful for months.

In adulthood I find it so hard to make friends, I was bullied horribly in that last school and now I tend to stay on the sidelines due to anxiety. Therapy and being confident in a professional job hasn't shifted this, this is me now.

I love my parents so much and can relate to their decision but I don't think I'll really ever forgive them for not listening to me when I said I couldn't move again.

Open House: A Life in Thirty-Two Moves https://amzn.eu/d/ftfjt99

This book might be an interesting read, OP.

@mummymeister It was the same for me. We moved because it suited parents, no thought given to the consequences on the four children trailing in their wake. I am nearly 50 and the impact remains, particularly having to start again in schools where everyone was in tight little friendship groups, often being totally alien beings because it was the only in year place (religion) or the new place was so culturally different to where we were used to. The move at aged 11 was the start of some mental health issues that I will never shake. I have done okay but I could provide an essay length post about the negative impact of my parent's life choices. My two much older sibs are also very obviously traumitised by it- my younger one less so. None of us have a great relationship with our remaining parent.

I lived in 10 houses before 18yo. I went to private school though so that wasn't interrupted and was a constant. I loved it- the excitement of choosing (fighting with siblings) over new bedrooms, choosing paint etc each time. It helps with memories too as if h try to remember an event if u can remember the house then I can pin down the year it happened. If you involve the children in the move they might like it. Although it might also explain why I always have so many unfinished DIY projects on the go.....it is normal for me!!

We moved every 2 years but in same town. Dad doing up houses. Used to love going to school from the "old" house and coming back to the new house. Didn't affect us at all. Found it exciting. Great relationship with parents. And in my adult life I've done the same. Moved every three years or so. Kids have loved it too! No issues whatsoever

@HeChokedOnAChorizo My dad was in the forces and we moved area and schools frequently. As a result i have no roots, no friends from childhood as facebook / mobile phones were not around then.

Fb and mobiles weren't even thought of when i was a child. I still have the friends i had from my final school which was a high school and i attended for a couple of years. We've been friends for 50 years now.

My parents were not moving because of renovating then selling, so my experience doesn’t really align with the initial post.

My parents were and still are serial movers, generally for work and sometimes because they have also been serial splitters and reconcilers. We moved home, we moved countries, my brother and I were sent off to live with grandparents, we ‘returned’ but to a different nest. Rinse, shake, repeat. I have tried to spreadsheet locations, moves, reasons and so on, but it is partial and confused.

Did it have negative impacts? Yes and generally for the reasons others have cited. However, on the plus side I learned how to have friendships that I knew would end and got so much pragmatic wisdom passed on by my grandmother. The process was clearly formative and I am a bit more of a limpet than I might have been. It has meant that short term opportunities to work somewhere far away for a while hasn’t worried me too much though.

Schools? They never seemed to give it much thought. We would arrive somewhere and slot into wherever was available.

We moved from Scotland to Asia when I was 5. A few years after we moved to Norway for a year and then back to Scotland by the time I was eight. I was a child so had no responsibility for anything and none of it felt stressful or worrisome to me! I don’t even remember being upset about leaving friends etc. All felt like an adventure!

It maybe helped me learn how to make friends more easily, and certainly my sister is one of the most sociable people I’ve ever known. She also travelled loads before/during/after uni.

I think moving after primary age is probably a lot worse.

I’ve also moved a lot since leaving home at 18 - halls and then five different flats in uni city, moving back home most summers. Then I moved countries to be with DH where we lived in two flats and a house. Then we moved back to Scotland, moved in with my parents, then a rented flat, back to parents and finally we’re in our own house!

I just worked out the longest I ever fully lived in one house was my family home aged 8-18. Hopefully this will be my forever home.

My dad was in the forces and we moved area and schools frequently. As a result i have no roots, no friends from childhood as facebook / mobile phones were not around then.

When DP talks about people he went to school with and has been friends with nearly all his life it makes me sad.

when my dad left the forces my parents bought a house when i was about 11 and i went to a new senior school and made friends, when i was in year 10 my mum moved us about 30 minutes away again. I had to start a new school at 15 and failed my exams because i couldnt get to grips with the way the school was taught. My mum moved us as she started a new uni course and didnt want to commute every day. Thanks mum.

I have lived in the same area for over 25 years, my kids have gone to school and moved out, not always had the same house but always lived near their school. Its not the town i would have chose but once the kids started school no way was i going to uproot them.

We moved seven times altogether during my children’s childhood (we also renovated a lot of properties). The kids are adults now, and we’re all very close. In fact, once they’d left home (all except DD) we moved about fifteen miles away and they’ve all ended up buying houses within a couple of miles of ours!

We helped them out with deposits, which we couldn’t have done if we hadn’t made money from our house sales. It also meant that we were mortgage free by the age of 40, so there were lots of positives despite the stress (and dust!). I think that their experience has made them very adaptable.

However, despite all the house moves we did keep them in the same schools which meant quite inconvenient school runs for a period of time!

I've only had a quick buzz through the thread and the feedback is mostly neutral or negative. I wanted to give my (different) perspective. My family moved around a lot to make money from renovating and flipping houses. We always stayed at the same school though. My parents made decent money from it (1980s); money they could never have made from their day jobs. We lived in the houses while they were renovated and, yes, sometimes it was horribly dusty and we washed up in the bath while the builders renovated the kitchen etc. But it was also fun to "camp out" in our house. And fascinating to see builders altering the fabric of buildings, to be consulted (as I got older) on the options and and to decorate my bedroom in different houses. I learned really practical skills and am now an excellent DIYer and painter. The experience sparked a life-long interest in property. I even trained as a surveyor before moving to a different discipline. My husband and I are undertaking our own mammoth renovation and, because of my childhood experience, I'm not scared to do it. Unlike my parents, we won't make any money from it (we bought too high and its costing too much!) but that wasn't the aim; just to create our ideal family home. My teenage son is learning all the skills I learned so its quite a nice cycle.
Why the hell not, OP?! Kids are amazingly adaptable. Life is short..grab it by the balls!