Active discussions

Please or to access all these features

Talk
AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

When people say they’re going to ‘try’ for a girl/boy

63 replies

rainbowmaverick · 10/06/2024 19:05

This really really gets to me. I find it quite shocking and irritating. I mean, firstly, you can’t. You don’t get to choose the gender. So why do people say it? If it’s the parent saying it, then how awful for the poor child to be, knowing that they weren’t what they were ‘trying for.’ If it’s someone saying it to the parents, this is equally abhorrent, I mean, how would you answer something like this? I have 2 girls and have been asked a few times if I’m going to ‘try’ for a boy. Well no, I mean, it’s not like you get a practice run and then go whoops no not what I ‘tried for’ let’s start again. I just find it a really shocking expression. Is this common in other cultures? AIBU for having this opinion?

OP posts:
FTPM1980 · 10/06/2024 19:57

Never heard anyone say this

TwoLeftSocksWithHoles · 10/06/2024 19:56

I thought if one wore a top hat it increases the likely of a male heir and, conversly, if one wore a large bonnet with a pheasant's (I think) feather it would be a young lady.

However Debrett's fails to state who should be wear which headpiece, or at what time during the proceedings it should be worn or may be removed.

It would be a dammed nuisance if it flew off at the same time as one socks at the crucial moment.

pigsDOfly · 10/06/2024 19:50

I used to know a couple who had/have four, really lovely - as in personality -healthy girls. They're now grown women.

After the first two were born the couple made it clear to everyone that they would be 'trying for a boy' next time and that if they had another girl they would be very disappointed.

Well, of course, the third one was another girl and when the father popped round to tell us the baby had arrived, he made no secret of his disappointment.

They made one more attempt to have a boy and then gave up on their quest as it was clear they could have gone on having more and more girls, which they didn't want.

I agree OP, it's very sad to think that such people seem to have an idealised notion of what a child of a particular sex is going to bring to their lives rather than valuing any child for itself.

I haven't seen these people with their four daughters for about 30 years but I do hope they never let their children know that they were always somehow second best and would have been better if they had been boys.

TeaKitten · 10/06/2024 19:45

You are being OTT.

SweetFemaleAttitude · 10/06/2024 19:45

I've never heard anyone say they were going to 'try' for a particular sex.

If I did, I'd just ignore them because I'd assume they were as thick as mince.

Screamingabdabz · 10/06/2024 19:42

But they are ‘trying’! If you’ve got two girls and you ‘try’ again for a boy it’s at least acknowledging that you may not get a boy, but you’re going to give it ‘a try’. I think it’s fine.

ArcticBells · 10/06/2024 19:40

We all know it's not possible but there's no harm in voicing it

Rumballs · 10/06/2024 19:33

Meh, I don't see anything wrong with this at all really. I made it fairly obvious I was trying for a girl after two amazing boys, but luckily I got one! It's perfectly normal to have a preference. It pretty much all fades out when you have a lovely baby of either sex.

Changingplace · 10/06/2024 19:25

I find the whole concept of anyone saying they’re trying for a baby full stop is a bit unnecessary- what you’re basically telling me is you’re having lots of sex, I don’t need to know that thanks.

LadyMuckRake · 10/06/2024 19:25

You"re over thinking it.

Perfumefun · 10/06/2024 19:24

This reply has been deleted

This has been deleted by MNHQ for breaking our Talk Guidelines.

LoveSandbanks · 10/06/2024 19:24

I have 3 boys when I was pregnant with my youngest everyone assumed I was hoping for a girl day. We found out he was a boy at the scan and someone actually said “never mind you can always try again”. 😮

i actually didn’t want a girl! We already had a house full of garages and fire stations, there was no room for bloody dolls houses 🤣. I can’t imagine a girl fitting into the family dynamic in the way that he has (he’s now 16).

MaryMaryVeryContrary · 10/06/2024 19:12

Yeah being ‘shocked’ by something like this is a bit unreasonable. Fleetingly mirthful/exasperated perhaps.