To think it’s not us being too overprotective as parents

God, no way! The other parents obviously don't give a shit, but I'm with you 100%, it's too far and too long for an 11 year old

You know your son and what he is mature enough to do. Other parents are projecting, I'd have had to sit on my hands! Bloody cheeky.
Unfortunately, kids do not have the freedom of the previous generations, and the mental health problems in kids now is a testament to this. Kids have it weirdly difficult now...kept much younger and immature, but conversely exposed to far more adult issues as well that their immaturity doesn't give them the tools to deal with.

I was 10 in 1976, I roamed, biked, built dens and I was a very sheltered child compared to some! I was very aware of certain dangers and could assess risk and kept myself safe. Even though I was very socially awkward, I was able to develop my social skills. I also ran off all my energy

You're not being over protective, you're being sensible OP. Stand fast and hold your ground.

No wouldn't b happy with this.

none of the other parents ……. care where their kids go after school

That’s unfair. They’ve made a different decision to you about park 2. Saying they don’t care is really quite unpleasant.

The distance etc is not the issue

You had clear boundaries for your son.
He understood those boundaries

Other parents make decisions for their kids - and do not have jurisdiction over you.
Perhaps some of the kids said something eg Jimmy didn’t come his mum said no
You may have some parents who actually feel guilty/ sanctimonious so contacted you.
But at the end of the day - this is how your family works

It may give you a good way to discuss with your son your thoughts / decisions etc and that other families think differently but that’s not better or worse. It can help in the face of the attitude of the other kids

I had something like this with my son - and years later he thanked me for the way he was brought up
Parenting is a long game

Wow and he’s only 10?! My sister doesn’t let my nephew who is 10 go anywhere alone yet! He’s sensible but it still seems quite young!
Sounds like what you allow is just fine. I am sure it will be hard for your son if he friends are all doing the same and he isn’t allowed but don’t be pressured into something you’re not happy about. Letting him walk home and go to the park sounds perfect, as he’s got a phone I’d also want the find me thing on so I could check where he was if late etc. I’d say in the parents WhatsApp group that you can parent how you see fit and would prefer to know where your son is.

Exactly this. Those poor girls were only ten and in a familiar place, it still sends a chill down my spine 20 years on. Sounds like you have a good relationship with your son though OP.

Yanbu, clearly these kids wanted to go to that park to get up to no good. Why on earth so far away?
There's parents who don't care, such as these and there are parents who do like you.

If it makes you feel better, my ds is in a friendship group where some of the kids have older siblings. These kids are teens 13/14 and still get parents permission to go anywhere, let their parents know where they are going to be and have a curfew. No such thing roaming about in the streets till whatever time.

You are not overprotective, you're being a good parent.

YANBU. You loosen the strings gradually, and the fact that the parent who contacted you saw fit to comment only suggests to me that she felt you might be judging her choices, not that there is anything wrong with yours.

No this isn’t something y7 DC or friends would do.

i was struck by this comment earlier by the murdered teenager’s mother “Twelve-year-old kids should be at home doing school work and then going to bed. I have two children and at 7.30pm they had to go to bed because they have to follow the rules of the house.”

Dc age 12 goes to bed later than that but no way would be roaming streets or parks. Not that he’s any turn of carrying a machete! but it’s an attitude towards parenting. 12 year olds free roaming is not a good idea.

*sorry for the typos in my post. Was attempting to do 3 things at once

My twins are only 6, so genuinely don't know which camp I'm in re: the level of freedom I think a 9 or 10 year should have.
I do think it's outrageous that another parent called you out on a fricking WatsApp group.

And it Continues OP. I have a 17 year old DD (has always been quite compliant re boundaries and curfews) and then there is 13 year old DS. It's a constant questioning of AIBU v am I allowing bf too much v am I being overly protective?

Certainly at secondary it's hugely influenced by who they end up making friends with. My DS was v compliant until year 7 but their friendships constantly shift and now he has made good / close friendships with a group of 5 kids who all have older brothers / sisters who are into weed.

Their friends become such a huge influence on them as they become teens and there is a limit to how much you can do. Yes you can strict about what time they come home (I am) etc but you can't watch them 24/7. I have lost track of how often I have had serious conversations with him about weed / risk taking behaviour etc but it's impossible to know 100%.

I know not all patents go through this and hopefully you won't either. I know the parents of the risk taking kids are judged harshly... but you can be a very 'normal' parent (boundaries/ bedtimes etc) but your child can still push back and become wayward

If you live in a safe area, yes, I think you are being over protective. The reason we let them do this in Year 6 is because it is summer and warm and light late outside. Next term he will be at secondary on his own and it will be dark and much harder. So it is better to practise independence skills and communication with you now. I let mine go to clubs independently until year 7 and on trains and buses so I wanted them to become a little more savvy and street wise at this point (and we live in London so they need to have their wits about them).

Does the other school actually know that random kids from another school are turning up to use their football pitch ? How are they getting access?

Nope. I wouldn't allow this. Just because others are allowed doesn't mean you should change your boundaries. They're 10-11 years old in year 6, so I think there's plenty of time for more freedom.

Walking hme from school and 30 mins in the park is more than enough. In fact I would want them straight home too most days, unless with a specific (trusted) friend for an arranged play in the park, occasionally.

Also the reaction if the other parents is wierd as fuck 🚩 run op and take your kid with you!!

Nope, wouldn't be happy about about my DS doing this either. X

Why is another parent bothered? And messaging about it. I’ve have typed something passive aggressive back!

I think if a group of parents were commenting on my parenting openly, I'd struggle not to comment on theirs back.
They may well think you are over protective but I'd rather that then negligent!

This is a tricky age OP where there will be a lot of divergence between what you feel is acceptable and pressure to conform. My advice is to trust your instincts, while some freedom is needed to build confidence before starting secondary it has to be on your terms. I would ask what is so exciting about this other place and what these kids get up to there do also why exactly are they on the grounds of another school?

Yanbu to be upset that another parent has messaged you- wtf has it got to do with them? Presumably the other children can still go?

I know there is local variation... but 7 or 8pm is a normal time for 9+ yos to be out around here in summer. Or sundown in winter (which is unfortunately 4pm).

No, that’s too far and too late for me.

We have a park near school which he is always busy after school but by 4.30 it empties right out. I’d not feel very happy letting Y6 hang out there once it’s deserted.

Maybe at a push I’d agree to
a compromise…. 5.00 or 5.30 and I’d pick them up (round the corner if that helps their embarrassment level).