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Original poster

Waste of time holidaying with a disabled person

255 replies

justasking111 · 10/06/2024 14:12

I'm really hurt because husband has just said you'll be a nightmare on holiday because you need a new hip. He's sick and tired of dropping me off near our destination and going off to park because it hurts me to walk far.

Our son has invited us to join them on a villa holiday in Portugal. I think husband would prefer to leave me at home.

The thing is I'd be around to watch the children, babysit which husband wouldn't do.

I'd love to be fitter but between my scoliosis and hip issues I admit I'm a bit slow on my feet.

Am I being unreasonable to want to go, my kids and grandkids have no issues.

OP posts:
Original poster
justasking111 · 10/06/2024 15:08

AgnesX · 10/06/2024 15:08

You could hire a wheelchair or a scooter? Not ideal but it would give you freedom and allow you to get about.

I need neither

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 10/06/2024 15:08

justasking111 · 10/06/2024 15:04

I think my husband is embarrassed my my issues because he's still so fit at 73.

What is there to be embarrassed about?

What happens if he sees younger people struggling? What an odd thing to be embarrassed by!

pizzaHeart · 10/06/2024 15:08

FawnFrenchieMum · 10/06/2024 14:21

I’m on the fence with this one if I’m totally honest.
We holidayed a couple of years ago with my step dad who needs a wheel chair most of the time. It was soooo hard work. I was exhausted just helping my mum and sometimes it didn’t feel like a holiday. I work all year and really look forward to relaxing on my breaks. (I KNOW this makes me sound selfish).
My mum goes twice a year with him and I know it’s really hard work for her (in her 70s herself) but they adapt their breaks to make it work for them.
If it was DH then I’d do it without complaining, that’s what marriage is and we would find breaks that fit our current health situations.

It sounds like your holiday was badly planned and that was the real reason. It could be the same if say you’d had a toddler with you, you should always tailor to the needs.

AgnesX · 10/06/2024 15:08

You could hire a wheelchair or a scooter? Not ideal but it would give you freedom and allow you to get about.

Original poster
justasking111 · 10/06/2024 15:07

RickyGervaislovesdogs · 10/06/2024 15:05

Well he’s a delight isn’t he. Hope he slips and breaks a leg.

Of course you should go, for your own enjoyment would you consider a wheelchair to aid in getting around perhaps.

I don't need a wheelchair I just need a husband who will slow down and perhaps let me lean on him on a walk

OP posts:
Gooseysgirl · 10/06/2024 15:06

Waste of time holidaying with a dickhead husband!!!

Original poster
justasking111 · 10/06/2024 15:06

LIZS · 10/06/2024 15:03

He sounds a misery. We too have had to adapt expectations due to mobility issues but there is often a work around alternative or compromise. If you are happy to go and perhaps spend time at the villa then he should get on with his own plans. Think you would have a better time with him out and about anyway.

I agree my DIL loves time around the pool. My son and his Duracell bunny father on the other hand need to be on the go all the time. Neither way is wrong in my opinion

OP posts:
RickyGervaislovesdogs · 10/06/2024 15:05

Well he’s a delight isn’t he. Hope he slips and breaks a leg.

Of course you should go, for your own enjoyment would you consider a wheelchair to aid in getting around perhaps.

LiterallyOnFire · 10/06/2024 15:05

You need a new husband more than you need a new hip.

DogInATent · 10/06/2024 15:04

justasking111 · 10/06/2024 14:54

Jakers I limp, don't think that's an automatic pass to a wheelchair

Show quote history

See, that's a problem. You limp, you can't keep up, arthritis and scoliosis, but your too proud to take the special assistance at the airport. You need to meet him halfway. He's already seeing your predictable stubbornness as taking the opportunity to make whole trip an unnecessary PITA from the start.

Take the assistance. It's not just for you, it's to make it easier for those around you as well.

Original poster
justasking111 · 10/06/2024 15:04

I think my husband is embarrassed my my issues because he's still so fit at 73.

OP posts:
LIZS · 10/06/2024 15:03

He sounds a misery. We too have had to adapt expectations due to mobility issues but there is often a work around alternative or compromise. If you are happy to go and perhaps spend time at the villa then he should get on with his own plans. Think you would have a better time with him out and about anyway.

redskydarknight · 10/06/2024 15:02

justasking111 · 10/06/2024 14:54

Jakers I limp, don't think that's an automatic pass to a wheelchair

Show quote history

Special assistance through the airport is for people who find it difficult.

My daughter walks slowly and painfully. We always book special assistance for her because it reduces the amount of walking so that she's not in so much pain and minimises the amount of stairs to climb and time on her feet generally. Basically leaving her to enjoy her holiday more when she gets there.

K0OLA1D · 10/06/2024 15:01

justasking111 · 10/06/2024 14:56

I've seen the consultant privately, nope it's arthritic but not bad enough yet so I saw a physio again privately and do the exercises given.

No idea how bad it has to get to be honest

Show quote history

It shouldn't get to a point where its impacting your life. I would get a second opinion. I was left until I couldn't leave the house if it involved a walk more than around 100 yards. I had to have a wheelchair for any further.

Original poster
justasking111 · 10/06/2024 15:00

My husband is seven years older than me so cycles a lot thinks pain is weakness. But I was born with scoliosis bore three children, the chiropractor was enough after each birth to get me moving again. Unfortunately I now have arthritis in my spine as well as my hip so riding a bike just isn't possible.

OP posts:
HelloCheekyCat · 10/06/2024 14:57

because it just means he walks alone from the car

Cry me a fucking river
what a dick. And leaving you lagging behind is just rude

Original poster
justasking111 · 10/06/2024 14:56

K0OLA1D · 10/06/2024 14:54

Oh OP. I am sorry.

I have been here. I still am here, but hopefully to a lesser extent this year.

I'm in my early 30s and have spent the last 6 years having both hips and knees replaced. I've either been recovering or waiting for the next one.

Dp has never let his feelings surface if he had them, but the dc have found it hard. Especially when I have to sit out of almost everything we do when away or on day trips.

Are you waiting for a new hip?

I've seen the consultant privately, nope it's arthritic but not bad enough yet so I saw a physio again privately and do the exercises given.

No idea how bad it has to get to be honest

OP posts:
Original poster
justasking111 · 10/06/2024 14:54

DogInATent · 10/06/2024 14:46

It is a dodgy hip, I don't need a wheelchair or a mobility scooter.
Would you take special assistance and a wheelchair through the airports?

If your answer is 'No', then I think I can understand where your husband is coming from. If you're answer is 'Yes, of course I would', then he's being an arse.

Jakers I limp, don't think that's an automatic pass to a wheelchair

OP posts:
K0OLA1D · 10/06/2024 14:54

Oh OP. I am sorry.

I have been here. I still am here, but hopefully to a lesser extent this year.

I'm in my early 30s and have spent the last 6 years having both hips and knees replaced. I've either been recovering or waiting for the next one.

Dp has never let his feelings surface if he had them, but the dc have found it hard. Especially when I have to sit out of almost everything we do when away or on day trips.

Are you waiting for a new hip?

MathiasBroucek · 10/06/2024 14:53

Sadly, it sounds like he missed the "in sickness and in health" bit....

Dealing with people who are mobility impaired isn't easy but it's better than being mobility impaird yourself!

mitogoshi · 10/06/2024 14:50

He's rude! We all have differing needs and if age and/or disability means you need to adapt your life so be it!

Singleandproud · 10/06/2024 14:49

Is he generally an arse or is this sudden change possibly his badly expressed concern for the future and your general health? I'm assuming normally an arse to be honest.
I would just make your own arrangement for the holiday and your family.

Alternatively Royal Sun Resort in Tenerife would be perfect for you, its at the top of a hill with the most fantastic view, plenty of taxis available down to the town, if you book with TUI the coach takes you practically to the front door and picks you up there for visits. Lovely little pool to wallow in and huge balconies and room service. The staff are 'terrible' bar people and regularly poured triples for the price of a single 😄

DogInATent · 10/06/2024 14:46

It is a dodgy hip, I don't need a wheelchair or a mobility scooter.
Would you take special assistance and a wheelchair through the airports?

If your answer is 'No', then I think I can understand where your husband is coming from. If you're answer is 'Yes, of course I would', then he's being an arse.

Mrsjayy · 10/06/2024 14:46

Are you going to go yourself? I would.

Original poster
justasking111 · 10/06/2024 14:41

Singleandproud · 10/06/2024 14:28

I would imagine that yes going on holiday with someone with a very severe disability requiring feeding tubes or other complex Medical equipment would be difficult but still worth whil.

Someone with a bit of a dodgy hip though would likely thrive on holiday, lots of swimming / hydrotherapy, plenty of Vit D, being around grandchildren sounds perfect to me. Sure you might chose not to go hiking one day etc and stay and enjoy some peace at the villa but that would still be a break. Lounging by the pool with a book and some sangria sounds great

I'd book to go away without him.

It is a dodgy hip, I don't need a wheelchair or a mobility scooter. I'm just a bit slow and ouchy because it really hurts. I didn't realise until today he resents dropping me off and parking because it just means he walks alone from the car.

I can WALK from the car but he tuts when I lag behind.

OP posts:
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