Brother and I can’t eat in public

I can understand, for me it would depend on the situation. McDonalds in the evening - much prefer bringing it home and watching TV rather than sitting there with Radio 1 playing. Nice restaurant with a nice ambience - I would enjoy sitting there, would never do take out for that sort of food.

I think choosing to not eat in public because you don't enjoy it is very different to what some have suggested, of some sort of eating disorder. A friend with an eating disorder wouldn't let anyone see her eat, not even her husband, but that doesn't sound like what you're talking about.

BTW I'm ADHD and autistic, my neurodiversity probably contributes to me preferring the atmosphere to be right to eat in (if I were to enjoy it rather than to eat because I need to eat).

Do you not eat at work because you don't feel relaxed & can't enjoy the meal as much as you would if you were at home? I'm like that, however, it doesn't stop me eating at work I just don't enjoy it as much. I have to sit at a table to enjoy eating whereas my colleagues can go & sit on the grass out front when it's a nice day or on a bench in work grounds. I couldn't do that, same as I can't eat as I'm walking like some people I know who will grab something in their lunch break & have a wander round the shops whilst eating.
It sounds like you like to be comfortable & relaxed when you're eating & it's not an issue of eating in front of people as you said you can enjoy a meal in a restaurant. If you feel rushed at work it could put you off eating 'coz you have a time limit & therefore don't enjoy it. I wouldn't worry too much about it tbh, if you're eating normal at home & are a healthy weight & enjoy food then stop thinking too much into it.

Definitely sounds like there’s some autism there, can only eat at home or certain restaurants due to food needing to feel yummy sounds like a sensory issue.

I think some of these things are genetically programmed/ inherited not learned. Could it stem from a ‘survival’ trait where cave people took their food to eat alone so it wasn’t stolen off them 🤔

me and one brother have a fear of not having enough food in the house ‘just in case’. My sone has also inherited this trait although his upbringing was very different.

my other brother and my daughter have completely different attitudes and eat hand to mouth on whatever comes along!

I've known someone who didn't like eating in front of ppl, eg at a restaurant/ cafe. But she was perfectly ok with eating at her desk.

Why can't you just get a sandwich and eat it at your desk? I never ate a hot meal at work, always got a baguette and went back to work.

Why don't you eat breakfast before you go to work? A quick bowl of cereal would take the edge off and not be in public.

It can't be the 'being in public' thing you mention in your OP as you eat out in restaurants. Maybe just a personal quirk....?

But if you manage without and aren't overweight, I shouldn't worry. We're all different. Tbh I'm not keen on breakfast the minute I get up, so when I commuted I used to eat a chocolate caramel biscuit on the train. Can't be recommended, but it worked for me..... 🙂

If I like the people around me I would eat together with them on a sidewalk in the rain. If I don't like the company I abhore even the finest restaurant. So yes I think YABU but never mind, we all are different, right? 😊

I seem to have a similar issue-although a bit milder. It started recently a few months back when I listened to some podcasts on UPF and sugar - realised it was everywhere. Don’t get me wrong, I love food and chocolate but it’s almost like something switched in me which said that if I’m going eat something that isn’t healthy such as a cake or most food you’d buy ready-made, then I really want to appreciate it and enjoy eating it rather than having it while sitting at my desk at work. So now I only eat what I take to work with me which is a salad or something similar. At home and weekends I enjoy savoring the less healthy items when I have them. I have wondered whether this is strange but it has helped me make more conscious decisions about what I’m eating and overall eat less unhealthy food.

If you're otherwise fit, healthy, normal weight, you're over thinking it. Maybe.

Or maybe you should see a therapist?

Normal weight people tend to eat when actually hungry. Not decide that something would be more "yummy" at home.

You certainly have a problem when it comes to MacDonald's. You've got the high fat/sugar combo with hot food - but have you actually tasted the food 12 hours later. The chips? The milkshake? The burger?

The fact that both your brother and you are different to normal behaviours suggests it's something in your upbringing.

But why is eating in public such an issue? Do you eat with your mouths open? Or just have otherwise really poor table manners?

But is it affecting you or your health?

I think this is fairly common and I'm sure there is a name for it. My dad has something similar, he won't eat meals prepared at others houses. But he is however happy to eat at a greasy spoon!

I have odd behaviour with food, often just not hungry and eating would be like putting cotton wool in my mouth but am a healthy weight so other than pushing myself to take a multivitamin and eat some greens, and trying to mirror good habits for the kids I just roll with it to be honest. I know a few people who skip breakfast and just don't feel hungry til later in the day (and make up for it then, quite possibly in comfort of their own home). Sounds like a preference not something requiring therapy.

The association here seems to be between the sense of feeling relaxed and the ability to enjoy your food, every meal, to the max, all of the time.

There must be something childhood related that is causing the association.

What is it about eating a simple sandwhich in the office that makes you not want to do it.

And, when did you last try?

But why wouldn't you eat breakfast. Most people eat that at home.

I was going to type that I think it’s odd (but you do you if you’re happy with it) but it’s 6.40pm and I’ve not had anything to eat yet today either 😂. I never have breakfast because I don’t wake up hungry either and work is often too busy to eat either that or lunch. But it’s purely a ‘too focused to think about eating’ thing, so no, not come across it where someone doesn't like eating meals in front of others.

Are you happy with how you eat, OP? (It doesn’t sound like you feel you’re missing out from your posts). If so, then stick with something that works for you - it’s basically OMAD/5:2 which works for a lot of people! If you’re a healthy weight, active and you’re happy with the routine then you’re doing fine. And it’s saving you plenty of cash, so what’s the harm?

I’d be asleep if I had a proper hot lunch at work, strictly cold stuff I’ve brought in myself. I would either eat at my desk or hope to find a quiet corner somewhere.

Do people really eat things like Shepherds Pie at work? Don’t most people just eat a sandwich or bring in their own tub of salad or something. The only times I’ve eaten ‘proper’ meals at work is the Christmas lunch. Admittedly I’ve never really enjoyed it because that is the type of food I’d be wanting to eat at home. I don’t like eating in front of ‘strangers’ but I like food and get too hungry during the day to deprive myself.

As an aside, I realise that often when eating out I will leave half of it and ask for a take out container as I’d prefer to eat it at home.

I’m a bit like this. There are some meals/food that I prefer to eat at home. I like to get comfy, with a book or good movie or tv show and savor my food. For some reason I don’t enjoy it as much when I’m out. My DM was the same.

I think it could possibly be anxiety based as I’m the same, and possibly linked to your childhood. I have similar problems nowadays, I’m 50, since developing some bad MH illnesses. I get anxious some days even sitting at the table in my own home if I’m not alone so can’t enjoy my food and feel sick and don’t want to eat.

When I had a breakdown and got anxiety initially I did not have this part of it but I’d sit at the table feeling really poorly and started realising this is how things were in my childhood. I’ve had therapy and now realise my rubbish childhood as I used to call it was actually neglect and there were a lot of sad/upsetting/feeling sick/eating quickly to leave table etc sort of things due to my mum. So my mums the one with then hang ups about weight, things not to eat, dieting, etc etc etc and all these years later all those negatives have caught up with me. I still enjoy cooking but currently not enjoying sitting with others to eat it.

The bit that stood out for me from your post was not eating at uni and skipping breakfast. Exactly the same for me, I never had breakfast as a child. I do now make myself eat breakfast, nearly always something healthy so my rule to myself is do not leave the house without eating. I tend to have fruit and yoghurt or a slice of toast or weetabix or porridge (I don’t really like cereal). If I really feel sick or full from night before (from overeating in the evening as I’m more relaxed and can eat then) I’ll just do a slice of bread and butter and make myself eat two mouthfuls. It’s really worth it as it is helping in the long run.

ps if you can’t manage the canteen, me neither any place I ever worked with one, just take a really easy packed lunch with small portions of things so each I’d just a couple of mouthfuls. Then graze on it throughout the day so say half a sandwich in the car or on the bus, a few grapes with a drink at your desk etc. At least then you and your brother will have eaten something during the day.

I think alot of people are taking this post too seriously, if im understanding OP correctly it's not anxiety about food or eating in front of others, it's more you want to save it to enjoy it to the max. I get it, because I do the same! It's not that I never eat lunch at work (when I go to the office), but if I'm having something particularly nice I want to really savour it, and that involves me relaxed in my own space at home, at the table or lounging on the couch in my pjs. It's the same with eating on the go, i always need to sit down to eat something, I want to be mindful of what I'm having and enjoy it. It might be strange to some, but it doesn't mean I have an eating disorder. Totally with you OP!

I haven't worked where's there has been a canteen but I would rather take a packed lunch, than go without. I dont enjoy sitting in fast food restaurants because it's busy and often not very clean, I'd rather do a drive through.

I get you op. I prefer eating my food at home, I love eating on my own whilst watching Tv I feel so unbelievably relaxed, I will eat at work though although I dont enjoy it the same. I don't really like eating outside and
I've never really understood the whole socialising whilst eating either, I like peace and to savour my food.

YABU for using the word “yummy” 🤔

Yes, this is weird. Not every meal has to be the epitome of enjoyment. Just take some fruit or something, you don’t have to have shepherds pie and dessert in the canteen?!

Also, maccies is much worse by the time you get it home. Best chance of actually enjoying it is when it’s fresh, not cold and soggy.

I'm with you OP. I get anxiety thinking about eating in front of people though. It's been this way since I can remember. My Grandmother used to say, "only sl**s eat in public", I think she meant walking down the street or sat at a bus stop, but it really stuck with me...

I had what I can now see as an eating disorder in my early 20's - I won't go into detail but my partner had been buying videos of women eating something nasty and I stupidly watched them because I couldn't believe he would be addicted to it.

It really restricted what I could eat and where I could eat as I didn't want anyone to watch me chew. I could almost feel that again reading your post and know what you mean about it spoiling the food. Now and then I still get pangs of it when we eat out but you really can train yourself out of it if you want to.