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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

To ask school to stop sending me these texts?

368 replies

SquiglePig · 10/06/2024 10:51

I have 3 kids in same high-school.

They've started to send texts to parents everytime a child is late to a lesson, basically saying 'your child is late for lesson, please don't allow this to happen again etc'

My kids are never late to school in the mornings, ever.

It's my responsibility to get them into school on time, which I do.

I've had the discussion with them about getting to lessons on time but what can I actually do?

I feel like once they're on school grounds I don't really have physical control over how long it takes them to get to lessons even though I keep telling them.

Also it's not a text to my phone it's a text via the school messaging system which means I have to log in to see it.

I'm at work and I don't know if it's something important or not and have to check and I can get in trouble for being on my phone too much.

Please don't think this is me saying I have no responsibility over my children's behaviour in school, of course I do but I feel that I do not need to recieve a text every time one of them is late to arrive to a lesson when I've got them into school on time.

In my day there were teachers in the hall to usher kids to their lessons?

OP posts:
fatphalange · 10/06/2024 11:10

Texts* that was meant to say

evtheria · 10/06/2024 11:10

SwingTheMonkey · 10/06/2024 10:59

Kids, I’m fed up with constantly receiving messages saying you’re late to class. Either start being punctual, or the sanction at home will be x, y or z…

I agree with this. You're frustrated with the school, but not your kids? Is it all of them being late or one particular kid? Why? It could be a genuine issue eg one struggles with time keeping etc. or maybe all of them just expect a grown up to shepherd them along to things on time.

Spinet · 10/06/2024 11:09

My view is that at secondary it's really down to the kid to sort this stuff out. As you say, parents should make it possible to be at school on time, do their homework, wear proper uniform etc. If they don't do the stuff they're supposed to do at school they need the consequences to be natural and school-based not their parents to tell them off or they are never going to be independent. Schools are encouraging parents to act like helicopters and that does nobody any favours! It's not about 'schools can't win' it's about 'schools doing their job' which is not only making sure their progress 8 score is alluring to new parents.

fatphalange · 10/06/2024 11:09

They are letting you know so that when you're inevitably brought into a meeting and if it continues, prosecuted, you can't say you didn't know there were attendance issues.
But generally speaking, yes I hate all the endless emails from schools it got to a point where it felt like harassment a couple of years ago but I think someone had a word and they stick to emails now.

MuseKira · 10/06/2024 11:08

You need to parent and stop abdicating responsibility for YOUR children.

VickyEadieofThigh · 10/06/2024 11:07

LegalAlienated · 10/06/2024 11:05

I’d assume anything really urgent (like unwell child), they’d phone you for anyway, so I’d just ignore these messages until you’ve finished work.

And THEN sort the kids out in the evening.

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/06/2024 11:05

SwingTheMonkey · Today 10:59
Kids, I’m fed up with constantly receiving messages saying you’re late to class. Either start being punctual, or the sanction at home will be x, y or z…”

This. An evening or two without Xbox, hobby, whatever, they’ll soon be on time.

LegalAlienated · 10/06/2024 11:05

I’d assume anything really urgent (like unwell child), they’d phone you for anyway, so I’d just ignore these messages until you’ve finished work.

SirAlfredSpatchcock · 10/06/2024 11:05

Also, it's very unfair to say that the school shouldn't bother you because you're at your workplace and so you should be left undisturbed to get on with your work.

The teachers are in their workplace, and children who don't bother getting to lessons in time are preventing them from doing their job - which is to teach and not to herd wayward children.

VickyEadieofThigh · 10/06/2024 11:03

YABU. There are hundreds and probably more than 1000 kids at this school and yours (along with others) aren't responding to "ushering" or remonstrations from teachers. They're disrupting lessons, which is unfair on their classmates and the teachers.

Sort your kids out by using sanctions.

Jigsawa · 10/06/2024 11:01

SwingTheMonkey · 10/06/2024 10:59

Kids, I’m fed up with constantly receiving messages saying you’re late to class. Either start being punctual, or the sanction at home will be x, y or z…

This is surely the right response?

Rather than asking the school to stop telling you when your DC are misbehaving and causing disruption? Being late to lessons can be really frustrating for the teachers and other kids.

SirAlfredSpatchcock · 10/06/2024 11:01

I'm sure the school would prefer not to be having to send the texts out in the first place, though.

I don't think you can just abdicate responsibility for how they choose to behave once you've dropped them off at the gate. After all, when children are involved in bullying other kids, the school liaises with their parents to find a solution - they don't just let it drop because the parents are not there on the premises during the day.

luckylavender · 10/06/2024 11:00

Honestly schools can't win. Parent your children

SwingTheMonkey · 10/06/2024 10:59

Kids, I’m fed up with constantly receiving messages saying you’re late to class. Either start being punctual, or the sanction at home will be x, y or z…

sixtyandsomething · 10/06/2024 10:59

SquiglePig · 10/06/2024 10:51

I have 3 kids in same high-school.

They've started to send texts to parents everytime a child is late to a lesson, basically saying 'your child is late for lesson, please don't allow this to happen again etc'

My kids are never late to school in the mornings, ever.

It's my responsibility to get them into school on time, which I do.

I've had the discussion with them about getting to lessons on time but what can I actually do?

I feel like once they're on school grounds I don't really have physical control over how long it takes them to get to lessons even though I keep telling them.

Also it's not a text to my phone it's a text via the school messaging system which means I have to log in to see it.

I'm at work and I don't know if it's something important or not and have to check and I can get in trouble for being on my phone too much.

Please don't think this is me saying I have no responsibility over my children's behaviour in school, of course I do but I feel that I do not need to recieve a text every time one of them is late to arrive to a lesson when I've got them into school on time.

In my day there were teachers in the hall to usher kids to their lessons?

what teachers have time to usher? And why should they? it sounds like a serious attitude problem with your kids, and is likely to be indicative of other problems with organisation and compliance. I don't think you are taking it seriously enough, particularly with your comment of suggesting it is up to teachers to "usher". Students who are regularly late end up in all sorts of other trouble

SuziQuinto · 10/06/2024 10:56

You have rightly discussed it with them, maybe the next step is your own sanction because your work is being disrupted.

SuziQuinto · 10/06/2024 10:54

Ask them about why they are late for lessons.
Is it all 3 of them?
Is there a reason?.

Dramatic · 10/06/2024 10:53

Have you asked them why they're late so much?