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Original poster

Do you find this comment rude/hurtful?

140 replies

Greenwithenvyblues · 10/06/2024 10:02

I was out with a friend yesterday for a meal. I wore a dress without any tights or anything. She looked at my legs and went “omg you are so pale!! I’d hate to be as white as you” 😳 sorry whattttt! I just laughed because I was shocked. I’m not extremely offended or anything but why would anyone say that? How rude!

OP posts:
TwoThousandAcresofBlueSkyThinking · 10/06/2024 10:24

At best I would find it odd that she felt the need to comment. Would she have done the same if you legs were hairy, scarred, missing?

Does she ever say anything nice about your appearance @Greenwithenvyblues ?

lljkk · 10/06/2024 10:22

For me not hurtful because there is nothing wrong with pale skin.
I would note that we don't seem to share the same values on this & maybe similar matters.

Catsmere · 10/06/2024 10:20

Would have hurt me if a "friend" said that when I was young, but now I'd probably bite back - it would be contemptible rather than hurtful. I'd also be tempted to say something like "Yeah, and I'd hate to be stuck in that witless 70s mindset that everyone has to have a tan, and the probable skin cancer as a result of it". (Australian, we have one of the highest rates of skin cancer in the world.)

OMGsamesame · 10/06/2024 10:16

Greenwithenvyblues · 10/06/2024 10:09

It’s the “I’d hate to be as white as you” that I think is rude. Like I say, I’m not massively offended but I’d never say to someone “I’d hate to be as _ as you” whether you’re offended or not, surely that’s still a rude comment to make to someone?

Yes of course it's rude and I'd be giving her a look.

Is she normally like this?

MrsSkylerWhite · 10/06/2024 10:14

Two minds about this. Wouldn’t bother me with my Scottish heritage 😁 but can see some would find it rude.
Rule of thumb, I don’t generally comment on other peoples’ appearance .

GinToBegin · 10/06/2024 10:12

Oh ignore all the cool, ‘it wouldn’t bother me’ bollocks. She said she’d hate to be like you. That’s massively rude and I’d be having calm but clear words about it.

VestPantsandSocks · 10/06/2024 10:12

Yes - it's a bit rude.
Probably said in the context that lots of people use fake tan nowadays.

Rowen32 · 10/06/2024 10:12

I think that's awful, I'd be really upset by that..and yes as you say, not the pale part but the hate to be

ThisNoisyTealLurker · 10/06/2024 10:12

It’s a bit of a dick move on your friends part, is she usually insensitive? I wouldn’t fall out over it though.

DorotheaHomeAlone · 10/06/2024 10:10

Nothing wrong with being pale. All skin colours are beautiful. But ‘I’d hate to be a s white as you’ is flat out rude. Even my young kids can understand we only comment on others bodies when giving compliments. Why would she want you to feel bad?

sixtyandsomething · 10/06/2024 10:09

wouldn't really care, especially if I have pale legs

Original poster
Greenwithenvyblues · 10/06/2024 10:09

It’s the “I’d hate to be as white as you” that I think is rude. Like I say, I’m not massively offended but I’d never say to someone “I’d hate to be as _ as you” whether you’re offended or not, surely that’s still a rude comment to make to someone?

OP posts:
4thebest · 10/06/2024 10:08

Personally I would not care. I wouldn't be offended at all . But that's me

Idontjetwashthefucker · 10/06/2024 10:08

Couldn't get worked up about it, I say the same about my own legs

bridgetreilly · 10/06/2024 10:04

It depends on the friendship. Personally, I wouldn’t care at all, but I can see how it would sound rude in some contexts. Presumably your legs are pale, but who cares?

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