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AIBU?

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Original poster

Do you find this comment rude/hurtful?

140 replies

Greenwithenvyblues · 10/06/2024 10:02

I was out with a friend yesterday for a meal. I wore a dress without any tights or anything. She looked at my legs and went “omg you are so pale!! I’d hate to be as white as you” 😳 sorry whattttt! I just laughed because I was shocked. I’m not extremely offended or anything but why would anyone say that? How rude!

OP posts:
Boxina · 10/06/2024 13:57

Jasmin1971 · 10/06/2024 11:18

I was bullied in the 80's for my celtic skin. It still hurts now. Your friend is a little bitch.

Tell her she upset you.

Same. It's rude, she was being derogatory and it's unkind. I hate it when people say "you're so pale!" in some kind of horror (they never mean it positively). It's my skin. Would they say "you're so dark!" to a black person? Of course not. It's incredibly rude and I don't understand the posters here saying it isn't.

PurplePolkaDot0 · 10/06/2024 13:54

Yeah it’s rude, but it’s showing her insecurities more than anything else!

Shan5474 · 10/06/2024 13:53

Greenwithenvyblues · 10/06/2024 10:09

It’s the “I’d hate to be as white as you” that I think is rude. Like I say, I’m not massively offended but I’d never say to someone “I’d hate to be as _ as you” whether you’re offended or not, surely that’s still a rude comment to make to someone?

I was just about to say this. No matter what the topic is, basically saying “I’m glad I’m not you” straight to your face is so rude! It stinks of comparison, insecurity and bitchiness. You deserve better friends OP ❤️

DoYouSmokePaul · 10/06/2024 13:51

“I’d hate to be such a rude arsehole”

Saying what she said about someone else’s body is horrifically rude.

What the FUCK is wrong with pale skin? Seriously.

Mumwithapub · 10/06/2024 13:49

It's the one upmanship factor, she is trying to show dominance. Especially with the Facebook in college stuff. It may have calmed down but it's still there. In some way she feels inadequate so putting others down elevates her ego. Peel back the layers you will find a very insecure person behind it all.

Toooldforthis36 · 10/06/2024 13:47

She sounds hideous. And rude. I’d bin that friendship off tbh.

Cliedi · 10/06/2024 13:42

Of course it’s rude! Saying your legs are very white is one thing as it is just factual (although this can be hurtful too in the same way that calling someone overweight can be factual) but to follow it up with as assertion that it’s not something she would want for herself is just plain nasty. She’s not your friend.

GoldDuster · 10/06/2024 13:41

She's not your friend, she is someone you hang out with, and there is a difference.

In essence she said, I would hate to look like you. This says much more about her than it does about you, but I'd be making some new friends to go out to dinner with asap. You feel hurt because she said it to hurt you.

Maddy70 · 10/06/2024 13:40

No not at all.

ConstitutionHill · 10/06/2024 13:37

GinToBegin · 10/06/2024 10:12

Oh ignore all the cool, ‘it wouldn’t bother me’ bollocks. She said she’d hate to be like you. That’s massively rude and I’d be having calm but clear words about it.

This! Really rude and mean. Jeez, with "friends" like that ....

TubeScreamer · 10/06/2024 13:30

Incredibly rude

amusedbush · 10/06/2024 13:30

I am very pale, so commenting that my legs are pale would be a factual statement. It's the added "I'd hate to be as pale as you" that is rude, and I'm surprised that people are insisting it's a non-issue. This woman told OP - unsolicited - that her appearance is unattractive and undesirable.

The fact that it was "just" about pale skin is a red herring; it's no different to announcing "I'd hate to be as fat as you" or "I'd hate to have a nose as big as yours".

StirlingMallory · 10/06/2024 13:24

"And I'd hate to be such a thoughtless, callous harpy!"

ApolloGirl · 10/06/2024 13:17

She basically said "I'd hate to look like you"?
It's very rude indeed!
The 16% of people who've voted YABU are the type of twats who say things like this and want to go on saying it without being called out. Incredibly rude.

IncompleteSenten · 10/06/2024 13:10

I'd hate to be like you is a rude thing to say.

I'm surprised anyone thinks otherwise tbh.

Feelinadequate23 · 10/06/2024 13:05

yes it's rude and no she's not your friend. None of my friends would ever make negative personal comments - we're usually saying how nice each other look/love their new haircut, that dress really suits you etc. Time to ditch this one unless this is a total one-off!

starray · 10/06/2024 13:03

Yes like those people who say - 'You look tired!'

MarkWithaC · 10/06/2024 13:02

Sunnyandsilly · 10/06/2024 12:56

Then you actually don’t.

Show quote history

Sure, you'd know better than I do about me and my friends Confused Grin

It's the wording, and the 'tone', for want of a better word. We might say something like 'Scottish tan, eh?' with a grin and a wink. But 'Oh my God' and 'I'd hate to be...' are really rude, no matter what your relationship.

TheCookieCrumblesThisWay · 10/06/2024 13:01

She’s not your friend.

betterangels · 10/06/2024 12:59

OMGsamesame · 10/06/2024 10:39

Oh, she just sounds like an out-and-out bitch. She's no friend. Why do you spend time with her?

This, she's a rude fucker who probably thinks she's funny. Perhaps she needs to put you down to feel better about herself.

You can do better than this.

GoodAfternoonGoodEveningAndGoodnight · 10/06/2024 12:59

I’m not sure what that means… just googled it. She’s always been a bit… off. Once she told me that she described me to the rest of her friends as “fat and ugly” because she thought it would be funny when they eventually saw me and saw that I’m not. Like.. that’s just not normal is it?

Ok, was going to say that I'd have to laugh back "nowt wrong with my white legs, much rather that than your orange look" or whatever.
This though?!
Wow, she's not a friend.
Not just a one off, was it.
She's a nasty cow you'd do well to be rid of.

Sunnyandsilly · 10/06/2024 12:56

MarkWithaC · 10/06/2024 12:54

I have pretty close, honest, piss-taking relationships with my good friends, and I still can't imagine any of us saying that to each other. YANBU.

Then you actually don’t.

MarkWithaC · 10/06/2024 12:54

I have pretty close, honest, piss-taking relationships with my good friends, and I still can't imagine any of us saying that to each other. YANBU.

ItsFuckingBoringFeedingEveryoneUntilYouDie · 10/06/2024 12:54

Nah, its about her dislike of herself. Not something I could get animated about in isolation. The other comments calling you fat and ugly etc, far more problematic. So, taken in that context, I can see it would cause offence.

5128gap · 10/06/2024 12:49

Very rude. Either she has no filter and just blurts out whats in her head, or she was trying to be unpleasant. You know best which is most likely. I'd have just replied 'That's the colour of my skin and I prefer it to tanning or fake tan. We all think different things look good, don't we?'

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