Do you find this comment rude/hurtful?

“I’d hate to be as pale as you” is rude and hurtful.

I’m a pale person and had friends comment but it’s done in a jokey way like “wow you’ve blinded me with those white legs” hahaha. I don’t take it with any offence because it’s not meant in that way. But if they said “I’d hate to be like you….” In relation to anything I would be fumming to say the least.

That always makes me think "Not half as ill as with skin cancer."

That's what I was thinking! I don't see how it's any different than someone saying they would hate to have eg ginger hair, a gap in their teeth- SHE is the one who made it out to be a negative then said she would hate to be the same, as if it's something bad that you should therefore care about. Rude for sure

“eh, i can tan my legs but you’ll always be a dickhead”

but you’re probably a nicer person than me :)

I only reasonable reply is to chuckle and say "I know what you mean, I would hate to be as rude as you".

dump this non friend OP, she is not a good presence in your life

Nasty cow, even without your updates. It's flat out rude to pass comment on someone else's appearance in any kind of negative way, she must have been dragged up.

I've had so called friends laugh at my skin too in the past, they're no longer friends.

Oh, behave!

It is definitely rude to comment on someone’s appearance in a negative way.

I hate comments like this because it’s almost implying things like this aren’t said to black people or if they are people get angry about it and a massive deal is made about it. No, comments like this are made often re. black people and others don’t bat an eyelid.

I assume they are both white so a white person saying “you’re so black” to someone who is non-white is not the same thing.

For the record I don’t agree with her friend and think she sounds massively unpleasant but she’s not racist, if she (assuming she’s white ) would’ve said it to a black person it would have been racist hence the outrage so you’re comparing apples and oranges.

A more sensible comparison would be a black or Asian person saying to a fellow black or Asian “look how dark you are I would hate that”

And trust me, comments like that are unfortunately said within the black and Asian community a lot! It’s not racism but it’s called colorism. Especially common with the older generations. The Indian caste system is even linked to colorism.

And colorism is much more deep than squealing against the colour of someone’s leg, it’s a prejudice against darker tones that can affect promotions, gaining employment, prison sentences, likelihood of getting married, being an actor, music artist etc hence skin bleaching is common in certain communities.

OP, this doesn’t sound like a friend. She’s negging you and might be jealous. I’d keep my distance.

Of course she was being rude. I'd hate to be like you is very offensive, even over something minor.
From your updates it seems like she enjoys putting you down. I wouldn't confront it. But I would majorly withdraw from the friendship

It is rude , can you imagine the outrage if someone said "I'd hate to be as black as you"

Yes, very rude OP. "As the fool thinketh, so the bell tinkleth" is an old saying which means 'some people just automatically express every dim thought with no filter'.

Here's one to say back to her (or others!) next time:

Well, fake tans are common and real tans are dangerous, so there!

She’s a cunt, not a friend.

I wouldn't like this either. I've had years of people taking the mickey out of my white legs. Even a grown man who I used to work with used to say oh here comes old lily whites if I dared to show my bare legs. Imagine if you said to someone, I'd hate to be as brown/black as you. It's equally as insulting. I have learnt to embrace my paleness. I used to try to tan just to stop the comments but it wouldn't work. Irish heritage so I just burn or get freckles. You be proud of your legs and try not to let this comment get to you. I've just read your updates and it sounds like this person is jealous of you. I would say try to rise above it and know that you aren't stooping to her level by retaliating.

I had a friend who would just say whatever she was thinking, it was like she had no filter.

Some people just don't think before they speak. I wouldn't let it upset you too much

Yes I agree with you here. It's not the comment on your appearance, it's her opinion about it. Who gives a flying fuck how she'd feel, she's not you! She sounds tactless

Ditto. My pale skin has often been the subject of discussion. A fave has to be “you’d be so pretty if you didn’t have freckles”. 🤣😂🤣

And not forgetting “You need some sun, you look ill”

I bet she’s not perfect, who is? Next time you see her say “I’d hate to…..” picking out whatever her fault is, or even dream one up.
Petty, but we hardly ever think of a comeback at the time.

''I’d hate to be as white as you”' that part is really rude.

There was a meme about a super white woman blending into the sand that did the rounds a good few years ago. I was tagged in a lot. But no one said they'd hate to look like me. My legs do glow a bit but, some places I've visited thought it was beautiful, it gave me a different view of myself.

Tell her to feck off!! Also those other things she said she doesn't sound nice at all.

It's rude but it's also just a stupid comment so I wouldn't take it to heart.

I'm also pale OP and have had a few derogatory comments aimed at me over the years, ranging from "you really ought to get a tan" to "pale people are so unattractive it's a good thing your DH is asian so your DC will have nice skin" and other nonsense like "pale people look transparent". It's idiotic and personally I have never responded because I expect I would be called over sensitive by the type of numbskulls that make those remarks.

Up to you if you do want to say anything but she definitely was rude to criticise your appearance.

I wouldn't give a shit about this particular comment and would have told her so.

In general though, she does sound like a bit of a twat.

I'm as white as white comes with pure brilliant white skin and red hair. I love being pale, never been self conscious of it at all (and I grew up with people mentioning it all the time, constantly asking if I was 'ill' etc...).

I pretty much never go out without tights though as I'm self conscious of my legs so someone drawing attention to my legs would bother me, but not because of the 'whiteness' but because I already am touchy about my legs.

Yes the comment rude but the response to laugh it off or feel hurt really comes from your own views on your own body.

It’s not just rude (I mean it really really is rude) but it’s designed to make you feel insecure about your skin. She’s not a nice person @Greenwithenvyblues she seems to enjoy making you uncomfortable and self conscious. Find friends who build you up.

I agree that the 'I'd hate to be ...' comment is extremely rude. I remember, years ago, having a discussion about weight and I mentioned that my weight had crept over 10st. One of my colleagues exclaimed 'Jesus, I would rather die than be 10st'. I wasn't particularly offended, but I just thought her comment was incredibly rude and unnecessary. (I'd love to be that weight now tbf🤣🤣)

My FIL said this to me about 15 years ago

i immediately started crying (I rarely do) , this is how shit he made me feel
i took DH and left

he didn’t make one single comment since that day !