Do you find this comment rude/hurtful?

I'm clearly meaner than others here. I've have picked out the thing she's most self conscious about and said "at least I'm not.... whatever it is".

Yeah, very rude. Nasty personal comment. I can’t imagine they’re fun to spend time with.

I had that comment daily growing up and still do now. People are dicks. Realising this is the key to happiness! 🙂

I would've said I'd hate to be as rude as you! But seriously how old is she? People only tend to put people down like that if they're jealous of you in some way

I don’t understand why people don’t think this is rude. If she said to a black person they were so dark and she’d hate that, people would be up in arms, and rightly so! If you don’t have anything positive to say about her a person’s appearance, you shouldn’t say anything! Beauty is subjective

I enjoy being pale and interesting. I'm guessing this was a close friend and meant as a joke. I have a friend who is fake tan crazy and we often take the mick out of each other 🥛 🍊 jokes.

I actually think it's incredibly offensive. Imagine going up to someone of ethnic background and being like 'omg, I'd hate to be as dark as you'.

I have a male friend who is really pale and our workmates make fun of him for it and I think it's wrong on so many levels. His skin colour is fundamental to his appearance and he's effectively being told his skin tone is undesirable and not appealing...

My paleness is the butt of all the jokes. If I get my legs out I am told anything from “omg your legs are actually blue they are that white” to “those are the whitest legs I have ever seen in my life”.
So I rarely get my legs out, but then people say “its no wonder you are so white if you don’t get your legs out!”
I can’t win. It’s actually really quite annoying because I just want to be able to wear shorts in the summer but people make me feel so self-conscious.

I hear you! I think I must have chosen poor friends. Throughout my life I have had similar comments relating to my
red face
white skin
thin hair
fine hair
brunette hair
Poker straight hair
grey hair (recent)
short legs
flat chest
big boobs (post menopause)
being too thin
being too fat
lip hair
chin hair
leg hair
dowdy clothes
sexy clothes
big thighs
having children with ginger hair etc etc
I honestly always give people praise and don’t say negative things about people. So I know they are not paying me back. I have come to the conclusion that one thing that can be relied upon in life is that there is nothing like the need of some women to bring other women down and be kind is usually said by those who are not.

Why are you friends?

I agree

I find it rude. My cousin does the same with me. I'm not actually pale, just average skintone all over. But she often tells me I need a bit of sun or fake tan. Never mind the fact that she looks like an oompa loompa and has terribly crinkly skin on her chest from sun exposure. I'd never say anything about that because I wouldn't want to be rude. I'd just laugh if I were you, and tell her to bugger off. That's what I do.

Some people are just tactless but yes most people would find that hurtful. It is rude to comment negatively on someone's appearance and given the massive increase in skin cancers the continued obsession with getting a tan is ridiculous.

She sounds hideous

I wouldn't have taken kindly to that comment either .

I think people forget they're actually talking to a person and get above themselves. I used to work with a woman who used to go on and on about my perfectly average 5 foot 3 height. It was boring and rude.

Of course it’s rude , “ I’d hate to be as white as you “. She is saying it’s bad as she’d hate it . Op if you came on here saying that someone said “I’d hate to be as fat/tall/old as you you’d get different responses , as if people wouldn’t be offended 🤣

Does she look like Trump by any chance?

You would never, I hope, say to a black person, your legs are so black, I would hate to be you. It is rude whatever the context. It is basically saying you don't meet some criteria or you are repulsive in some way.

You should of replied 'and I'd hate to be as rude as you!'

I have had comments like this many times (I’m Scottish, very pale and don’t tan). It IS hurtful. It would be unacceptable to tell someone they’d “hate to have dark skin like you”! Any nastiness about skin colour is totally uncalled for.

Like you, I wouldn't be massively offended but I would make a mental note that this was somebody to keep at acquaintance level and not trust. People who indulge in spiteful oversharing/negging usually seem to have other traits that aren't great either and I wouldn't trust them. Given your updates I would say that is definitely the case here - doesn't sound like she has outgrown it after all, and it is who she is. Horrible, competitive and enjoys putting other people down to make her feel better.

I've got a colleague like this - it is particularly bad when she's stressed about something/jealous of someone for some reason. Jumps as the chance to put people down/joke at their expense - sometimes so quickly that she ends up making a complete dick of herself by getting the wrong end of the stick/making assumptions. Latest was ott laughing when she thought someone had mispronounced a word - turns out she had been mispronouncing it. When she realised her face fell and she said nothing more - let alone offer an apology or joke at herself. Revealing. Describes herself as a 'people person' 😂.

Really! If you find that offensive or rude i would say life is going to be tough! Sorry!

I would definitely have said something back “I’d hate to be as haggered and sun damaged as you, oh yes and have the anxiety of checking every freckle or mole to make sure I don’t have skin cancer, how vain of you to literally die for a tan”

From reading all your comments I would happily ditch said “friend”. She’s a nasty piece of work. You don’t need people like that in your life

Your ‘friend’ sounds like a dick.