To be absolutely sick of DH's family poisoning him with gluten

If they can’t ensure the food is gluten free then I would just say you can’t eat with them any more, or take my own food. It’s unacceptable for him to be ill every time he eats with them and you all having to deal with the impact.

Well that's something. His DM is clearly not where she needs to be in terms of knowledge though, and while that's true then not eating anything he hasn't either made himself or thoroughly vetted himself is going to be necessary. It's even more critical for him than someone who "only" has coeliac given that he's also a T1 and the impact of unmanaged blood sugars. It's astounding that his family haven't tried harder to learn - has he really spelled out to them the severity of the potential impact on him?

It's not a fad, it's not a preference or even an intolerance it's an actual illness. If his family can't be respectful enough to cater to his NEEDS then stop eating with them or take a meal with you that is suitable for him. Cross contamination is difficult to avoid in a domestic situation (not impossible but it does take a lot of effort to avoid any possibility) even eating chips from a fryer that has been used to cook battered fish (for example ) can cause problems. Hope you and your DH recover soon 💐

My niece is coeliac my sister just brings her dds food places. Like mine for a family BBQ last year. I had offered and she does (I think) trust me but said she is just more comfortable bringing her own. I guess that's her kind way of saying she doesn't trust me😂which if fine she does not want to risk DD getting sick. think you DH is annoyingly going to have to bring his own food in future.

Like @JustMarriedBecca , I had no idea the extent of the dietary restrictions until my diagnosis. I didn't even know that coeliac is an autoimmune disease - I assumed it was an allergy. Even now I probably explain daily that "Yes just one biscuit will hurt". I was in a four star hotel a few weeks ago who "cater for dietary requirements." There was two packets of GF cornflakes, half a gf loaf but the toasters were on the main buffet. Ignorance is rife.

DD2 (also diagnosed coeliac) is a bit more direct than me. Her response is "That biscuit/sandwich/cake will increase my likelihood of bowel cancer. I don't want to die."

I carry cereal bars and bananas around with me so I always have something to eat.

He did - there’s an issue over cross contamination in non gluten-free kitchens. The issue is that is a full allergy, not an intolerance, which many restaurants don’t really appreciate - they simply want to tick a marketing box with no understanding of how ill a full allergic reaction to gluten can make people. Unless it’s nuts/peanuts, no-one understands.

Well this exactly, there's clearly no malice but they don't sound the brightest and he doesn't sound the best communicator. Rather than let it rumble on as an issue at all, just remove the problem from the table by him providing his own food. No monitoring or worrying needed and the nice family dinners can continue. He can say to his sister 'i appreciate you trying but it's hard in a domestic kitchen to prevent cross contamination so I'm going to stick to this way from now on. The symptoms the next day just aren't worth the risk. Nothing personal'.

All due respect OP, but if your DH willingly ate something he was told was cooked in beer... he really does need to be a bit less passive. And if his family actively made a beer-based dish for a coeliac... they also need to try a bit harder.

My GF and one of my friends have coeliacs and I now only do dishes that everyone can eat, otherwise the risk of cross-contamination is just too high, so perhaps that's something he could gently suggest? I find it much easier too.

Being proactive and volunteering to bring GF dishes too might work - cuts down on the cost for them too? I am veggie so often do that too, cuts down on the organization for the host!

@Dippidydoppidydoo yes, my DH feels the same. It would be a lot easier if they just could just leave him to it and manage their own feelings about the situation. Think they need a family therapist to navigate it

My 8 year old knows how to avoid poisoning me with gluten so I always call BS on otherwise competent adults who "can't understand it". They don't want to or they can't be bothered. It's easy if you just read up on labelling and avoiding cross contamination.

Host at your home.

cornflour even!

Figuring out everything that has gluten in can be quite complicated for someone who is only trying to cater for it occasionally.
I have a friend who is gluten intolerant - so slight cross contamination not a problem but definitely have to avoid foods with gluten in them. I've done a lot of label reading and once had an on the day panic when something we were preparing had soy sauce in - and we're 5 miles from the nearest shops which may or may not stock GF soy sauce. Fortunately friend lives locally and had a bottle which we were able to collect.
I also have a SIL who is coeliac. I don't very often need to cook for her family but when I do, I stick to plain things (meat and 2 veg - with gravy made with cornflower). I now also have a repertoire of gf puddings/cakes so that's not a problem.

But it all takes time - not something everyone is blessed with. Plus you don't know what you don't know.

So your DH needs to take his own food to family meals until such time as he can properly educate his family - and by that I mean give them a comprehensive list of foods he definitely can't eat plus instructions on not mixing utensils used in any gluten containing foods being cooked ( although giving everyone gf on the day would be a far better option).If however they don't want to be educated then he needs to stick with supplying his own food.

It doesn't sound like they're cunts, just that they've made mistakes.
There's a big difference between wheat-free and completely uncontaminated with gluten. The SIL probably went to an effort to ensure half the food was gluten free, but then might have accidentally used a knife or chopping board that was contaminated. It's really hard to cook gluten and gluten-free foods in the same small family kitchen and keep it totally separated.
Same with the beer - easy mistake to make. If you asked 100 random people in the street if beer contains gluten, how many would know?

I can't see how the parents can be blamed for the DH eating gluten free options in a restaurant and getting ill.

I would purchase something ready made that can be microwaved when you get to their place - take his own food and eat it. There is no way I would give my SIL food containing gluten, its unfair to make someone ill. If they are not listening or understanding then its safer to take your own ready made food and eat that.

Id also explain that each time you visit sadly he is very ill afterwards and its got so bad that action has to be taken as it could affect his longterm health.

Maybe they will then realise how serious it is but regardless you ll both know he will not be unwell after a visit.

I remember 30 odd years ago, my (lovely, but v. trad.) MIL being really thrown by the fact that I was a vegetarian. I often used to offer to bring my own food to family meals/gatherings, and was almost always gratefully taken up on the offer! I’d rather eat my own food than be constantly on the alert, I think.

It does sound like your DH needs to take some control/responsibility for what he eats and not rely on his family to provide gluten free food.

For whatever reason, they're not able to do so to the extent he needs.
Providing 'gluten free options' is pretty different to avoiding any contamination to a level suitable for someone who is coeliac. Realistically that's hard to do in a home kitchen where there are lots of gluten containing foods too.

Don’t eat with them again.

It's frustrating that his family is not willing to do the work to support him on this. I know from a few coeliacs I've met over the years that it's not as simple as avoiding wheat. I have a friend who is gluten intolerant, but not coeliac, so she's quite happy to eat at my house as log as I'm not providing actual wheat based food. But I'm aware that if she was actually coeliac, I'd have to take a different approach. I don't think it's bad that lots of us don't know this. But it is bad that his family is so indifferent to the issue.

If this was a child then it would be your responsibility but he’s an adult and should be capable of working this out himself, surely he should always check food and if unsure not eat it? His family sound horrid but I think rather than you getting involved it needs to be him

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