To be absolutely sick of DH's family poisoning him with gluten

Anyone who has clicked YABU on this post should be ashamed. This is literally an allergy, and an illness, not a choice. You OP are 100% right to be fuming I would be too. My best friends sister is coeliac and she suffers so bad with it, everyone in her family are more than capable of making the correct meals as all it takes is a little bit of effort. They are being lazy and creating a huge risk for your child. I’d refuse them to look after your little one until they educate themselves. It’s pure ignorance.

Don’t eat their food and to bring his own meals with him.

Not quite the same but as a child I was (and still am) severely asthmatic with some of my many triggers being cigarette smoke and aerosol polishes . My late mum was a lifelong 30 a day smoker and obsessive user of Mr Sheen.

Despite it hospitalising me on numerous occasions and being told by Medics that she was making me sick, she carried on regardless. I'm fairly sure my bladder cancer diagnosis is the result of years of passive smoking as a child.

The power is in your DH's hands to change things as it doesn't sound like his family are going to take it as seriously as they need to when catering for him.

Why aren't they bothering to educate themselves about coeliac disease? I don't get it.

Yes, I agree with this. It's a dramatic thread title. Presumably, they're not doing it on purpose. He can make the decision for himself not to eat their food. That's what we all have to do with allergies.

Have they actually seen him when he's ill? I wonder if that would make the connection for them...

Stop eating there and stop accepting this. Coeliac disease is serious when not controlled without starting to add in diabetes. Constant glutening does damage that takes time to heal. Why is he accepting this? It doesn’t matter how lovely they are, he either stops eating there or only eats food he takes. Not safe is not safe. Do they double dip? Do they use contaminated trays/ pans etc? So they cook gf pasta in water they’ve used for regular stuff before? If they can’t safely manage a dual kitchen to cook then this will keep happening.

Set something up yourself via a local coeliac FB group. One that's not CUK affiliated (should be easy to find, CUK don't do social media groups).

As a coeliac myself I take my
own food to family dinners ect as just like your husband I’ve been made ill by food not prepared by myself. They are not doing this to make anyone sick it just happens. Restaurants are another matter unless it’s a restaurant I’ve eaten in before I wouldn’t be 100% confident. It’s abit
of trial and error with eating out.

I’m a coeliac and my family always accommodates me. Especially my mother, she would be mortified if she gave me something with gluten in it to make me ill. She is also aware of cross contamination but she loves me and doesn’t want me to be ill so she is careful. I think your DH’s family sounds like they don’t really care or believe it’s a problem. I can’t believe he hasn’t shared with them how ill he gets when eating their meals, he needs to speak up for himself so they understand what impact it has on him.

My ds’ girlfriend is coeliac and is highly sensitive with it. Every packet is checked before I cook anything for her, like pp have said there’s gluten in so much. So far we’ve been ok, and no illness from my food. Before I met her I think I was ignorant to how awful the symptoms are .. maybe they just don’t ‘get it’?

I would just stop eating there tbh

Off topic from the thread but I wanted to be a 'cafe volunteer' - meeting coeliacs in a local cafe, through coeliac UK. I've been subjected to 2 hours of online training so far including being told to make sure we don't use the coffee machine in the cafe because it's a safety issue and having to look at a picture of a man up a ladder and point out any safety concerns. I get that they need to cover their backs if it's going to be advertised on their website but it's just so much to literally meet other coeliacs in a cafe. The only meetup currently in my city is 10-12 on a weekday.

I'd love to see their campaigning focused around how much we CAN eat and how much money restaurants lose by not having decent gf options. It's not just 1/100 people not going there if they don't, it's their family/friends who are eating with them that they lose out on too. But anyway, I agree!

They have proven themselves to be incompetent and incapable of providing your DH a safe meal on multiple occasions. They cannot be trusted. They mean well but they are continuously making your DH unwell.

You need to draw a line. Never eat what they have prepared again. take your own food.

I get that it's hard.

Except it's not. Not in this day and age with totally gluten free or otherwise very aware restaurants, and a wide range of gluten free products readily available in the supermarkets.

They've had 5 years to get up to date with his needs on this and I am sure you and your husband have given them information plus there is so much good information on the internet about it too, including recipes, restaurant finders, food lists - you name it!

They are either very stupid indeed, or very controlling and passive aggressive and weird around food (which in my experience is more common than you might think).

Who would find it acceptable that their relative is getting sick because they can't sort themselves out? People with psychological problems, that's who.

Your husband would be very wise to refuse to eat at theirs from now on, I can't understand why he still is to be honest, but I understand how families can be, and I am very sympathetic that this is not only causing him illness (and it's damaging him long term, not just making him ill short term - make sure he and they know this!), but also upsetting the balance of family life more broadly. You both need to put your foot down!

I voted YABU. Only because you keep eating there. Does your husband enjoy being ill?

you both know they don’t give a shit about him. Stop being willing participants in this

L&P and barley malt vinegar are my only pre-schism vices. With the own-brand cereals you're too dependent upon the recipe not being changed, an assumption that becomes less reliable with every year that passes since the schism.

I got why they did it, they just did it in their usual cack-handed manner. Whilst a worth cause, CUK are bloody awful at engagement and have a terrible attitude towards making their services accessible to coeliacs. Have you noticed how their Speak To A Dietician events are always at the same time on a Friday morning - no concept that coeliac disease is not a disability that prevents you from working normal hours.

I'm a coeliac. Why doesn't he grow a backbone and ask his family why they are deliberately causing him harm?

Either that or he could just not put the food in his mouth.

I've only recently realised I'm gluten intolerant (and not to the level your DH is) but I've found M&S very reliable for gluten free food and Wagamama very reliable for eating out. Maybe they'd find it easier to have very simple ideas like that.

And yes he should take his own food and avoid meals there too.

If he has coeliac disease then they probably all have subclinical disease too.

I have two coeliac grandchildren, and now have a separate set of cooking/baking hardware and a separate pantry shelf/freezer drawer for their gluten free food. And I only buy gluten free stock/gravy etc so there is no confusion during family meals. I have seen how dreadfully unwell gluten makes them both. I've got the Coeliac UK app on my phone and am religious in checking labels.

DD has stopped attempting to eat out with them though as 9 times out of 10, they are glutened. People just assume it's a food fad.

I was diagnosed post schism and my pre-schism diagnosed coeliac friend knows which own brand cereals she can eat because she's been eating them for years. I get why they did it but I need a list of previously allowed food with BME!

Oh dear, someone mentioned Worcestershire Sauce and Lea and Perrins in a coeliac thread. Will we need to explain the great schism that occurred a couple of years ago when CUK changed their guidance on BME and BMV?

I can’t get the picture huge man-sized toddler out of my mind now. It’s bizarre that he’s allowing this over and over. Does he realise he has autonomy?

Gluten intolerance and ceoliac disease are very different. It's very difficult to produce a gluten free meal in an environment alongside gluten containing foods for a ceoliac who will be much more sensitive to any cross contamination.

It's can be tricky not to gluten someone If they are very very sensitive to it. Its so easy to cross contaminate surfaces, trays, knifes, spoons when cooking. Just bring food for him. It doesn't sound worth the risk. I wouldnt eat out if I was that sensitive. I can count on one hand the number of restaurants and people I trust to feed me.

YABU to expect everyone to get it right as there are so many risk factors and even well meaning relatives can misunderstand. It doesn't help that lots of people are going gluten free for non medical reasons.