To be absolutely sick of DH's family poisoning him with gluten

My daughter has celiac disease and gets terrible pains n her legs and stomach if she has gluten. There are plenty plenty gluten free meals to be had. Your husband’s family need straight talk. You and hubby as a united front need to sit them down and tell them
straight they need to have respect and treat his illness seriously. Surely they understand type 1 diabetes! If not, share a website with them. They need to educate themselves. It’s not hard! You both need to be firm.

And reading all OP's posts.

This is the reason why anyone with a severe allergy should not put their lives in the hands of others.

Even DH's siblings and parents keep messing up,

Imagine if you had a nut or another allergy that was going to kill you?

Just if your health relies on what you eat or don't eat - It's inconvenient, but it's not that difficult - carry your own food around with you.

If his own biological siblings and parents, knowing his illness, keep making food that makes him severely ill?

You've got to be stupid to put your trust in minimum wage workers, with varying levels of English and education, whose primary job is generally not medical knowledge or preventing analphaltic shock.

I honestly think if what you eat is so critical - Always bring your own food.

And then not make it an issue - and focus on the socialising.

This is sad… my DD is type 1 and it’s hard enough managing diabetes on its own without the added complication of sickness..
I have to check drinks at my parents because they usually only buy full sugar drinks.. we started taking our own after a while because my parents just don’t get the danger, or how crap being high makes her!
Could you/your husband shop with MIL for the ingredients prior to her cooking? Or get a photo of the ingredients so you can point out anything with gluten?
When my DD was at juniors she would take sweets in on her birthday to hand out… I sent a pic to the mum of the child in her class that was allergic to eggs and gluten and nuts and asked if what I had bought was ok, and if not please tell me what I could buy for her DD as didn’t want her left out…. I didn’t even like the child much if I’m honest, but did it because I don’t want to make a child feel excluded or make them sick….
I would just thank them for all their effort but sadly some sort of cross contamination must be happening … so please don’t be offended but DH will bring his own food in future… I wouldn’t be offended if someone bought their own… I’d be relieved that I didn’t have to take responsibility for potentially killing someone!!
Good luck with your operation and hope your DH is feeling better.

I have the same issue, gluten and lactose. The problem is that people try really hard but I've been with family where they assure me what they are cooking is safe and then I see them subconsciously without thinking putting a dash of Soy Sauce into the 'safe' dish. Or going to the effort of making gluten/dairy free mince pies but accidently using regular flour to cover the surface before rolling! At that point, I know I can't eat or trust anything and end up feeling guilty for making a fuss or being seen as picky. BBQ are the worst, I watch Halloumi starters grilled then my burger thrown on top of the lactose covered grill afterwards 😂

She’s not his mum no, however we
all know that when a DH gets sick it affects the whole family… and I’m guessing if he was sick all night OP didn’t get much sleep if any either… So it is very much her problem too!

As with everyone else, get him to take his own food when visiting family. If arranging to meet at a restaurant, suggest restaurants you know are safe or restaurant chains that you know are able to cope with gluten free meals. Eg. My daughter works in a Giggling squid and other people i know have told me they are their go to restaurant for gluten free, allergy safe and vegan meals.

It's all a question of how much you care about the person with the healthproblem you know. If you care enough you will make sure that person stays healthy and happy. For me it was an exceptional situation, so I had to learn a lot in a very short time. For your PiL it should be more easy since they cook for your DH on a regular base and should get used to catering for his health. A person close to me but living abroad visited, first time she travelled to another continent. She has severe cœliac disease, so her mother was very worried - as I understood of course. I thoroughly checked every item I bought to use in the kitchen, prepared food with even more attention than I already do. I only then discovered that there are gluten in spice-mixes! So I prepared everything from scratch with fresh ingredients! She was fine the whole time, not one instance of ill health. I even packed all she needed when she went to stay with other people for a few days. I hope your PiL see the light before your DH lands in a hospitalbed.

Yes, it is much easier to make the whole meal gluten free.

If I had people coming to eat at my house who were coeliac and as sensitive to gluten as you say I would just make the entire meal gluten free, and would definitely not be serving pizza.

Googling for gluten free recipes is extremely easy.

Always surprised by how little some people know about it including staff at restaurants. we now call ahead and ask whether they have GF options if a new restaurant. If going to friends we offer to bring our own food. People do make mistakes - just recently a friend prepared the pasta for non coeliacs and then was about to use same spoon for the GF dish. We both called out stop! He clearly thought we were OTT but if the same spoon had been used that cross contamination would have led to our DS being up ill all night. So yes it is all a nightmare and so disappointing his own family have not got to grips to it especially given its genetic so a parent gave the condition to him!!!

He needs to bring his own food. It is very hard cooking for coeliac people. I have two close family members who have coeliac disease. It requires every inch of concentration and planning to make sure they are kept safe as they are so sensitive. People just don't understand and are surprised by the things that contain gluten, or don't think about things like it floating around in the air at one end of the kitchen when you have just made pizza etc.

Yes, Ocado are good too (and obviously have M&S food).

I’m a coeliac and I don’t eat at the ILS house any more. I take my own food or we just don’t eat there. MIL was ok with it for a few years but now she has Alzheimer’s so it’s not feasible to expect her to get it right. My dad is also coeliac so my parent’s house is relatively safe, although my dad can eat oats and I can’t so I’m still careful.

I agree.

I simply don't understand why people find it so difficult. It isn't as if they haven't been told multiple times. It's either laziness or plain ignorance.

His mother sounds pretty clueless for cooking the meet in beer assuming that she didn't use gluten free beer!

I have a close family member who was diagnosed with coeliac disease as a adult. I tend to inform them exactly what ingredients I am going to use in meal so that they can say whether something is or isn't okay as while some things I would expect to be okay are actually not. If they haven't checked, I only buy things which say that they are gluten free for them. When they visit we all eat the same thing as I can't be bothered with different meals and worrying about cross contamination. If they stay at our house I let them add food to the shopping order and then put it in a separate cupboard/fridge shelf from our other food to make sure there is no contamination.

If we go to a restaurant they check the menu and contact the restaurant in advance to feel confident that they understand about cross contamination. It's no good using a gluten free base but then putting it on a surface with flour for example.

I am sorry this is happening but tbh I am confused. I have several coeliac friends and it’s just not a problem cooking for them now that I have had a bit of practice. Sort of feels like they don’t care… which must be upsetting for him

Um, just take your own food to events????????????

I wourldn't have waited three times for dh to become ill, especially if you're facing planned surgery.

The family aren't up to the job or your expectations. So keep the peace. And just take a packed meal for dh.

He needs to check with them before he attends any more family get together exactly what they are cooking , how it is cooked , remind them and check again and again . It isn't nice but it's the only way they will get it into their heads.
On the plus side I would know what everyone is having for Christmas this year.
A gluten free cook book . 😉

My Dad was allergic to most types of rice. This didn't stop all his siblings from making him eat rice salads on the basis that something else must have made him ill! Eventually he just got firm enough (I suspect my Mum here!) to not be fed rice but none of them were ever careful. I always thought I was allergic to chilli but it turns out I'm allergic to certain types of rice too.

My MIL has tried to feed me and my DC our allergens but luckily we've realised in time.You just need to pack a bag with food and live off snacks if you're staying with them. The restaurant contamination issue was poor though - no coeliac should face that.

Ask what's in the dinner and just don't eat it if it's got gluten in. He needs to learn to ask and be firm by not eating things which aren't safe. Start bringing pre-prepared food and eating that if they really don't want to listen. It's rude but so are they for not listening.

Do they realise that coeliac disease is autoimmune and that by giving him gluten they are (OK it's melodramatic, but still true to some extent) slowly killing him?

You can understand, if not excuse, fuck ups by people used to not thinking about where it may be 'hidden', but I'd have thought his parents would have changed their mindset and be taking it seriously!

I'm a coeliac, my Mum was diagnosed in her 60s because she was so anaemic the GP thought she had cancer. That was 30 years ago. I tried hard to ignore my own symptoms as it was difficult for other people until my reactions made me so ill I had to STOP people pleasing by just having that one bit of cake etc. It's so much easier nowadays to buy in GF free ready made meals if they're unsure what's okay? I've had many experiences in restaurants where they don't understand that it's an autoimmune response not an allergy, or a choice like being Vegan. It's particularly bad when they advertise GF options. The chains are better than independent restaurants generally. Re your partner, like others said I'd say take your own food!!

It’s really not hard at all to cook a really delicious gluten free meal. His family are arseholes.

For a sensitive coeliac the whole kitchen has to be gluten free due to the risk of contamination. He can eat there if the whole meal isn't gluten free. Half the table being gluten free isn't clean enough for a coeliac.

Dippidydoppidydoo

Wishing you a speedy recovery from your surgery.

Coeliac disease is not an allergy 🙄