To be absolutely sick of DH's family poisoning him with gluten

I have to admit that in the early days I accidentally poisoned a coeliac friend twice. One time with soy sauce and another time with a stock cube. It never occurred to me at the time that flavouring might have gluten in it. I was completely mortified so now I just make the whole meal GF for everyone and am a bit obsessive about label checking. There's not been an incident since, thankfully.

It sounds like his family either don't understand or aren't taking it seriously. If you otherwise get on with them, the only way round it is to take your own food and if you're eating out, check the restaurant menu beforehand (and ring ahead to check about cross contamination).

It's really hard, but I think he needs to take more responsibility for himself here now. He knows now that he can't eat with them - whether it is lack of care, accident or ignorance it doesn't really matter the outcome is still the same.

I have a sibling with coeliac, "everything down one side of the table is GF" just wouldn't cut it. Cross contamination at the point of cooking for a large group or during serving is just too likely, and that's before you add in people who don't really "get it".

Your ‘dh’ can’t be that bothered about if he continues to eat there despite being made ill every time. He is an adult and surely as it’s his family it’ll be easier for him to say sorry mum I’m eating my own food just now due to symptoms etc if he doesn’t want to outright say they are not taking it seriously.

what’s you going into hospital got to do with anything, your husband will need to do what you do when you’re there cook, clean and take care of the kids and feed himself food that won’t contaminate home almost self sabotage if he doesn’t isn’t it! Yes it would be nice if family where a bit more helpful but they’ve proven otherwise sadly, he will just need to get on with it and cope as we all do, or stand up to them. It’s his choice.

Or better, he gets to choose where to eat based on his knowledge of where is safest.

Taking him to a pie shop as "their treat" is what gives away the fact that they don't give a fuck, IMO.

That and cooking the meat in beer. That's not accidental cross-contamination because of crumbs in the butter - it's choosing to use a sizeable quantity of an ingredient that they must have known full well contained gluten.

He states he was diagnosed 5 years ago. Coeliac disease isn't always something you're born with. There are two parts to developing the condition, the inherited gene and a trigger that initiates it. Most of the coeliacs I know were, like me, diagnosed well into adulthood.

The symptoms/illness can develop any age.

READ the OP properly, she’s talking about meals in homes and food eaten out.

Venue? Commercial outlets? - it's stuff they're cooking themselves.

No way is this true. I mean for a start why would your dh eat somewhere that 'virtually' every time he ate there he is ill?

secondly why would you be posting for your adult husband when clearly he's not that bothered - see above 😂

And if eating out, contact the restaurant in advance with dietary requirements. Some require notice to cater to specific diets.

So if he has a face to face conversation with his Mum, (not sending a message! )And finds out that they are doing it because they ‘don’t give a fuck’, he needs to know so he can distance himself and focus on relationships with family and friends who do give a fuck about him. It’s an emotionally unhealthy limbo to be in. You wouldn’t stay in touch with relatives that punch you in the face every time they see you, would you? You wouldn’t just brush that kind of behaviour under the carpet.

But in all likelihood it’s ignorance / denial. People can be diagnosed with celiac disease as adults. It could be a newish development that the family is still adjusting to, that could be improved with some honesty and practical information.

If he doesn’t ask, he won’t know.

He needs to be assertive

Take his own food when he visits them. Talk directly to the kitchen at restaurants and decline the invitation if the kitchen can't guarantee his food is suitable.

What he can't do is carry on eating food that by now he knows is likely to be harmful to him.

Yanbu. Has he explained to them just how seriously ill he gets and that even a crumb of bread can contaminate the butter etc? I have a coeliac family member but have been made aware how serious this is and I check and double check every ingredient and packet before I cook for them as it’s too serious not to.

He needs to just not eat at their houses and be unapologetic about it - his health comes first. Also don’t agree to eat at restaurants that he hasn’t chosen or at least been able to check that they will be suitable. He needs to take responsibility for what he’s eating and not worry about offending people if he’s not 100% sure something is ok to eat.

He needs to take a packed lunch with him whenever you go there. Sorry OP it is very hard when people lump coeliacs in with gluten avoiders and assume they’re “faddy” rather than ill.

It sounds really hard but it has obviously got to the point where it's happened enough times that he needs to take responsibility. He can bring his own food, which sucks but it's just the way it is.

I'm not sure they can really be blamed for cross contamination. Anyone would think there being a gluten free option would be sufficient.

Take your own food.

I think one of the main issues is that most homes aren't set up to manage a gluten intolerance.

The food itself may be "gluten free" but if they're using the same utensils, oven trays and chopping boards as they are for the "normal" food then everything is going to be contaminated.

A friend of mine is gluten free and if she comes over, she gets unopened packs of gluten free food so that I can guarantee not to contaminate her.

The simple answer is don't eat with them . I have coeliac, most people understand and go out of their way to not make me sick, some people just don't think it's as serious as it is and don't understand the repercussions. I can't just have a little and be OK.

Not necessarily.

Just take your own

This is for your dh, as a grown adult to manage.

Best take his own food from now on if eating at one of their houses. If eating out, they need to tell him where so he can contact them a head of going.

Cease eating with them completely.

If he's got to this age without them caring about the fact that he can't eat gluten, it's entirely possible that they just don't give a fuck, or think he's exaggerating the effects to garner sympathy/attention. (I bet he gets called "fussy".) Not every family is nice and caring.

Sending them a message like that might well be met with accusations of being overly dramatic if the dynamic is as I suspect it is.

Of course he needs to not eat their food, but what most posters are missing is the why.

Why are they not taking care? Do they not ‘believe’ in his serious health condition? Are they ignorant of what to serve? Do they not understand how tiny the traces of gluten can be to cause damage? Do they understand the longer term consequences on his health of continuing to eat gluten?

If my (adult) child was diagnosed I would do everything I could to help. I’d even do an online GF cookery course. He needs to have an open conversation with them.

For example,

Mum, last time I ate with you at <venue>, I was up all night with y symptoms. Not only does it mean time off work and feeling poorly. Every time this happens it causes my blood sugar to go out of control and damages my gut a little more and which could necessitate needing <surgery, etc>.

I want to eat with you on family occasions because you’re my family and I love you, but unless there’s change, I cannot. This makes me feel <insert emotion>. What can we do to fix this? How can I help?

And on another note, if any commercial food outlet claims to be serving GF food and it makes you unwell, please report them to the Environmental Health department at your local council. They have a problem with staff training and or management of cross contamination.