Would you send this message?

I'm sorry you're going through this.

Can you send him to a different school? I absolutely would. Sometimes these situations are just too toxic.

You're correct to identify it's probably going to happen again at the new school, poor boy

Don't have the conversation or texts. It would be fine coming from the school but not the individual parent.

All it will take is one parent mentioning it to their child and that will spread and put a bigger target on his back .

You say they have "days" left?

But surely they have 6 weeks??

I'd be going the head teacher tbh.

Personally I wouldn’t send that message nor would I say anything to the parents at sports day. It won’t be received well!
The school is at fault for not doing more. I know you say you’ve done everything you can so I would focus on getting him excited for secondary school and preparing him for it. I’d phone and ask to speak to the new head of year for his first year and explain the situation, That way they are aware of it.

Secondary school these bullies will find they are now small fish in a bigger pond. Children generally make new friendship groups with children from different schools. I would just keep working on your sons confidence and resilience to these kids. Ive always told my son that sadly he will always have at least one arsehole in his class and will be the same once he starts working so its a good life lesson in how to deal with other people. They spend so much time in year 7 lost trying to find their way around bigger buildings and its not so cool at break time to be playing primary school games that im sure these bullying boys will stop. If not, talk to your sons form tutor they won't want any of that happening on their watch.

Unfortunately some of the recipients will immediately tell their children that they have received your message and what it says. While I think the message is a good one in tone those children who are bullies will use this as an excuse to treat your son badly.

Instead, speak to the school he is going to. Explain the issues he has had. I see what you say about streaming but they may be able to do more than you think. For example, head of y7 could have a word with the whole year when they start about not tolerating bullying, and that y7 is a chance for all of them to make new friends and grow up a bit. Hopefully in a bigger school your son will find his tribe.

A big brother in a year above always helps!

I wouldn't send it. I don't think it will help and it could potentially make things worse.
Just because the other kids knew about it doesn't mean they all took part and I think individuals parents would be cross you had made assumptions about their child.

No chance of this planet would I send that, if my child started and had issues I would address it with the school which is the only appropriate action

Mum and teacher here of children similar age. Absolutely do not send this.

This could make things a lot worse for your son.

My advice would be to contact the secondary school and ask for your child to be given a new start by not placing him in a tutor group with any of his previous classmates. I’d also request a meeting with his primary teacher to discuss what has happened and ask if they can address it without singling him out eg through some PSHE work.

Work to develop his confidence over the summer holidays with activities and adventures. Help him build the resilience to deal with stuff on his own.

Do not send the message.
Do not raise it at sports day.
Do speak to the new school - even with streaming they can help. If they don’t know, they can’t.
Do empower your child to deal with this kind of behaviour. DC went though a similar issue in Y6 and it was only when we gave them a few key phrases to use at the others that the bullying stopped. We made sure we were in the playground at drop off when those messages were first delivered to back up our child.

Don't send that.

Spend your time empowering your son and building him up so that he doesn't get bullied and can stick up for himself.

You write - 'He's had a really tough time being low-level but constantly bullied and ostracised this year.'

I bet you wouldn't have gone into work for a year if you were being low level bullied!

He probably just accepts it as the norm after all that time.

Get him involved in judo where he can learn to defend himself and build up his self esteem.

Sending that letter will just make him be ridiculed further.

Absolutely do not send this. It's very inflammatory and will cause even more problems for your son. (By inflammatory I don't mean it's untrue, just that it will stir things up and provoke nasty responses)

Speak to the secondary school. And if you're not happy with the response then I would move heaven and earth to get him to a different school. Even if the logistics are tricky. He'll have 7 years at the next school, it needs to be right.

And please don't rely on 6ft big brother as some sort of 'deterrent' - that's not fair on either boy.

No no no no no no no

Sending the message will make it even more of an issue

Get the current primary to address it better and now.

Year 7s don't really play that sort of playground game, so it's unlikely to continue into secondary.

Help your son develop strategies to deal with bullies, as there's likely to be far worse stuff that may happen at secondary.

Please do not send this...... it will cause your son to be bullied!!!

He will meet new friends at high school. They will cling to each other in the first week or so as theyre little fishes in a big pond. He will be fine.

Just add a cheery message saying you can't believe theyre all about to go to high-school. Hope they all settle quickly

my experience is the opposite but DC go to a private school - which I know on MN is the devil’s work but they seem to deal with this stuff pretty well.

I find it shocking that this situation has been allowed to continue.

This is bullying!!!!!!!! Had you spoken with the primary school about the issues? If so what was the outcome?? If you had spoken to the primary school I would absolutely be contacting the parents! I would have a long time ago! To the person who said it will ruin your son bullying is absolutely a life ruiner!!! I would definitely send the message and also speak to the school!! The parents need to made aware of the situation so they deal with there children accordingly! I absolutely hate bullying and I would be ever so grateful if I received that text!!!

My experience is primary schools don’t speak to parents and are also terrible at dealing with bullying. They don’t have the staff to supervise at properly, specially at breaks, and the staff on playground duty spend the time chatting to each other, not really observing what is happening.

They’re all boys? Do you mean it’s an all boys school? Or that all the boys were involved in the bullying but not the girls? Actually I remember you mentioned they tried to recruit your DD so not an all boys school?

Depending on the size of his new school there will likely only be 3 or 4 children from the same primary in his form. This is usually a mix of 2 boys and 2 girls. You may find that they will try to stick to your DS initially as he is a familiar face as they start to feel they are very much "a small fish in a big pond" . Issues from primary hopefully are left behind as they all try to navigate their new surroundings and establish new friendship groups. The parents may want them to remain in the current friendship groups but this if often not the case as due to to set up of classes etc the reality is they simply won't even see each other