Would you send this message?

At best, each parent takes it very seriously, speaks to their kids who all take it on board and feel ashamed of themselves.

At worst, (and let’s face it, more likely) the parents all start gossiping about it behind your and DS’s back, talk about it with their kids who also all start talking about it, and all of a sudden it’s an even bigger issue than it already was and your son is completely humiliated.

He wants you to drop it. Give him a chance of a fresh start without riling up the kids who could give him a hard time, AND their parents.

I know you'll have got the general consensus already but just to reiterate please don't send that message. I know you didn't mean to, but the tone will be massively misinterpreted and you'll upset people and ostracise yourself as well as make things worse for your son.

As others have said, empower him with strategies, make the new school aware so they can keep an eye, and remember that bigger schools mean that kids are more liekly to be able to find a tribe.

Please don't make your older DS feel that he has to be your younger DS's protector - it will not help DS2's self-esteem or coping abilities.

I'm another 'no'!

I would be going to the new school and discuss the problems DS has had and ask if they can put him in a different class to the ringleaders. I wouldn't send this message and I don't think it's likely to help and could make things worse.
Hope your DS gets his fresh start!

OP, your ds is having huge social issues and you say he's 'a bit different'. I don't know what you mean by that so might be way off the mark but as soon as I hear those two issues together - especially at the end of Primary school age when things become more obvious - I immediately wonder about ASD. Just a thought as my ds was diagnosed at 11 after similar issues.

I would write to the HT and/or Governors and say that this really wasn't handled well and give examples.

My impression of secondary school is that some kids stick like glue to their friends from Primary and some kids branch out. It is often the popular kids who do the former.

Often secondary school years are divided in two, and the streaming etc is done within that half year. His primary school peers might be more diluted than you think.

Is there a nuture room or similar where he can go?

Good luck, I hope things improve for him.

@Johnhasalongmoustache I completely disagree re
@MissDaisyDot .

I'm sure 'losing my shit shizz is just a phrase.
I doubt there was screaming and shouting, at any teacher.

But Parents can remain calm and polite even when frustrated. If a parent had been dismissed for years, and the old school not taken say bullying seriously, then the suggestion by new school that the dc be put with the bully and made to 'work out out' could actually be deemed highly inappropriate.

HRTFT but that note accuses all their little darlings of being bullies. Whether it's true or not they won't see their DC that way, especially if school have never raised it with them. You'll be putting a target on you DS's back.
By all means attempt to get him placed away from them in his new school.
You describe DS as a bit different and an easy target, is this just because he's the new one? I'd work on his confidence and build friendships away from school, confronting any of the parents won't work.

No, absolutely do not send it! No good will come of it and will cause more harm. I wouldn’t bother joining the group either. How big is the new school? Surely there will be some splitting up of primary school groups. It would be good to tell the new school and, if you know who the ringleaders are, ask for DS to be put in a different class.

I'd alert the new school. And then when he gets there, I'd have a word with his tutor.

I'd not send the message. I'd use the grp to find out info in the same way you have (IE to avoid the other group for setting in etc). They might also post stuff about things you might not know- particularly if they have older siblings. I'd stay cordial and non committal.

Kids will scatter and find new friends at Secondary. Encourage him to seek clubs that align with his interests- hopeful won't be overlap with kids from primary.

Important I think to maintain any out of school friendships that he already has....

And, this might not be politic, but I'd make sure for any plain clothes day he has stuff to wear so he blends in

I don’t see why you’d send it now at the end of the year. Surely if you thought it would do any good you’d have sent something to parents earlier when you realised what was happening? Also you should target the parents of the ringleaders, not just the whole class as nobody will take responsibility. Personally I’d have put him in a different school to these little shits but I guess ensuring he’s in a different stream and form to the worst bullies might work. Also make sure you go in very very hard at the slightest sign of trouble at the new school.

Sorry this is happening to your DS, it happened to me as a child so I can relate.

Do not send that message. The other parents will either think their little darlings could not possibly bully another child, think your child should stand up for themselves and some won't care. All you can do is raise it with the school in advance and hope they have a strong anti bulling policy

This is why your son’s experience is particularly painful for you. It is triggering your own experiences of being bullied.

One of the wonderful things about having children is that these things resurface for us and we get another chance to heal our past pain.

Whatever you decide to do in your son’s best interests - can I just invite you to give your own child (younger you) some compassion and space right now for what she went through?

❤️

No don’t send it. Is it the ring leaders going to the sand school OP? The “lower level colluders” are probably going to be more concerned about fitting in that carrying on the bullying…

Do not send it!

Most secondaries I know/have experience of, split the cohort from each primary up. This is to avoid gang like bullying, and allows/makes the kids make new friends. Additionally, the kids will get split by ability for various lessons, so it also helps split the bullies that way too.

What you can do is write to pastoral head or head of yr 7 at new school, explain the bullying issue at primary, and say you'd like to nip this in the bud for a fresh start so please can (son) NOT be in the same tutor group as particularly x, y or z due to these bullying issues in primary. He would be happy with none from his school or prefer to be with a or b (ask son for who if he had to be with he'd prefer) if he has to be with others from his primary.

For the WA group I'd simply reply as eg @Life2Short4Nonsense says, but maybe also drop in you have DS1 in yr (whatever), by saying eg I'm hoping DS will have a great time at the school like DS1 who will be in year Y

Unfortunately my LO's experience has been awful. Moderate bullying in small primary. This year 7 in secondary it has escalated. The small number of students from primary have targeted any new friends she's made and enrolled them into far worse bullying. It's been a terrible experience. The parents have been called in by the school on many occasions and take no notice of the complaints against their children.

I'd not sent the message OP because most of the parents are as bad as the children and simply don't care. Secondary school has been more proactive, but with little effect. I hope your DS has a better transition. If not, the only thing is to find another school which is almost impossible where we live.

I agree with others who say don’t send that message. Don’t draw attention to your DS and make this an issue before he’s even started.

It’s worth noting that whilst the parents are happy their kids will know other kids at the new school, this will almost certainly become irrelevant to the kids themselves within a few weeks/months. All parents worry about secondary school, and want their children to have the reassurance of familiar faces. But in my experience many primary school friendships are jettisoned pretty quickly and new friendships are made.

No def don’t send the message.

I think we live in the same place. Would an integrated secondary be possible?

Please don’t “lose your shit” at teachers, this is why there is a shortage of teachers

To be honest, they don’t have to tell the secondary school anything apart from the most obvious details and often they don’t

DEFINITELY tell the new school & be VERY firm! If you don't advocate for your child no one else will.

My DD was bullied at Primary & I was all nicey nicey with school & went along with all they suggested. Long story short we ended up having to change her school & all was well for 3 years.

Fast forward to High School & the bully went out of area for her & joined the same school...we were heartbroken but thought maybe she'd matured & fresh start blah blah but no!!

I let the High School know & then on an induction day they had put my DD & the bully in the same house DELIBERATELY "to make them work together 🙄" and any meekness I'd had previously went out of the window... I lost my SHIT!!!!!

It did carry on to the High School & DH & I went in hard EVERY SINGLE TIME to school & it did eventually get sorted.

So, in a very long winded way I'm saying, do let the new school know & go in hard if it happens.

Good luck to your son, I know first hand how awful it is

Also by raising it every time it happens school will have to tell the high school and can make sure your son is not in a class with the worst offenders and make sure a note is on all their files so if it continues they know the background. You will need to keep on top of it and every time something happens, even small, go on in/ send an email and complain. Our high school was brilliant at responding.

I was in charge of year six year seven transition for five years and can tell you that things often change radically in secondary school.

First because the secondary school is bigger, and also because the primary school didn’t deal with things as robustly as secondary schools might.

I lost count of parents being surprised at their child has been sanctioned for pushing and shoving when primary school did nothing about it but seem to see as a developmental stage.

If you really need to then phone the head of year at the new school explain your concerns but do not try and sort this out between you and the other mums.
Let’s face it no one wants to hear that from another mum so leave it to school to sort if and when it happens.

No

no

no.