AIBU and emotional - teenager called me embarrassing

I’ve been called embarrassed by my 2 sons more than I can remember! I just laughed each time to be honest, I think it’s a part of growing up to be embarrassed by parents. That said it depends on what he said, if it was cruel and uncalled for then he definitely needs pulling up on it.

If it's any consolation my kids (11 & 8) find me embarrassing on the regular. I'm just not cool in their eyes. It's a rite of passage for them and for me I actually revel in it just a little bit as I think every parent embarrasses their kid ar some stage. I don't go out of my way to embarrass them, I'm just being me but it does make me chuckle when they call me "cringe".

Try not to take it to heart OP, they will grow out of it.

Typical teenager. Not about you. They are spreading their wings and growing up.
I can understand why you're upset but it really isn't personal
Meanie teenies I'm afraid

It’s his age. At that point my son wouldn’t let us have music on in the car in case anyone heard, the convertible roof wasn’t allowed down despite it being his favourite thing in the world, I could go on. We had to be invisible. My son is nearly 16 now and is over it now. Hang on in there! And don’t take it personally. They all say it.

DS2 physically blocked the doorway once when he was 12 - to prevent me from going to parents evening with toadstool earrings in!

I understand that it is extra upsetting if his embarrassment is linked to your disability - but are you sure that's the case? If it is, then you need an open dialogue about it so you can understand each other better and find a compromise, even if that's bruising for you.

He told her she was embarrassing and she was in the wrong for invalidating his feelings? Honestly he’ll have to get over that.

My dd is always on at me for being loud and too chatty. That’s me. I’m not apologising. Tbf we’re more jokey about it but I’m sure there’s truth there.

I totally understand, and you're going to need to grow a thicker skin! Sounds like you're just at the beginning of this tricky phase. I have older teenagers now and they (one in particular) can be fkg horrible. Especially to me (their safe place... it's a compliment.. blah, blah, blah). I get really hurt and upset and it feels so unfair when I do more for them and love them more than anyone. I try not to show it, and try to remember it's a phase.. that will pass 🤞 but i find it very difficult. I have a traumatic past (not my kids fault / problem of course) and I've worked so hard to give them a better childhood than mine. The way are to me sometimes, feels very unjust and I wish I could take them back in time like Scrooge to give them a glimpse of my early experiences. But, I guess this is the sacrifice we make as parents. We put them first, and thats the right thing to do. It's not all bad, but it's nothing like I thought it would be. I'm at the stage now, where my children's priorities are elsewhere (16&18) and I need to start focusing on thinking of myself and my needs and wants. I'm always here for them of course and always will be... but I do have rights and so do you. I try not to whine, or 'guilt trip' it's not fair or dignified and makes everyone, including me, respect me even less. Hope you have support. Best of luck 🌷

Honestly, just my parents speaking in front of my friends embarrassed me as a kid. I look back now and think how utterly ridiculous I was over it, but it’s just part of growing up.
Smile, nod and say “never mind dear, you’ll get your own back when you have kids”

I can understand why you're upset but I think most teenagers will call their parents embarrassing at some point. I remember as a teenager being embarrassed by my parents at times

Regarding the Xmas gift he's probably just growing up - maybe get him a gift voucher so he can choose what he wants.

I doubt he meant the way you speak/act relating to your brain injury is embarrassing as he's grown up and he's used to you. It's probably something unrelated. I embarrass my 8 year old. Unfortunately for him it's my job to be embarrassing. But if he was actually upset about it and not embarrassed I'm a jokey way I would ask him specifically what it was and try to change because I'd hate for him not to be able to talk to me or tell him if he thinks somethings wrong. Or to feel he can't talk to me for fear of upsetting me.

It’s also a manipulation technique to treat someone badly and then blame them for getting upset about that.

He's a teen, and won’t have meant it but that doesn’t make his behaviour OK.

My oldest is so embarrassed by me (he’s twenty but very young for his age so emotionally more like a 16 year old for reasons I won’t bore you with) when his friends / work colleagues say something complimentary about me he looks at me as if it’s the first time he’s ever seen me. Like it’s a huge surprise that I’m there 🤣 it’s totally because he doesn’t see me like they do.

Par for the course with teenagers I’m afraid but it sounds like his comments touched a nerve for you and you’ve assumed it’s to do with your speech.

My reply to my teen with these sorts of comments was “Good, that’s my job” or “You’re welcome”. She got over it and we now have a lovely relationship.

It's a very unusual 12 year old who would be pleased to receive an HG wells book for their birthday. Maybe time to switch to birthday money.

You could say “It hurts my feelings when you talk to me like that, it’s not nice for me”

in my case I tried to laugh it off and said it was my job as a parent to make him feel embarrassed , and that he hadn’t seen anything yet 😁

find a way to respond that suits you, and try to not take it to heart so much

Pretty much all kids that age find their parents embarrassing

please do not take it to heart so much, I think you are over reacting

Have you ever had counselling around the abuse and the brain injury? That’s a lot to go through and sometimes it unconsciously affects behaviour with others and with parenting.

When kids are young, they're generally led by us and our tastes, and it's nice like having a little mini-me. Then they hit puberty and hormones arrive, and parents are CRINGE. It is a bit hurtful when your mini-me rejects everything you used to love together, but it might help to remember that this is a really important stage in their development- its not them deciding they hate you!

Finding your parents embarrassing is completely standard for teenagers. I can remember thinking mine were excruciatingly embarrassing at that age, literally couldn't bare to be seen with them.

Tbh I think at that age I would be asking for xmas and birthday lists and sticking to them. My eldest is 9 and I buy from her list with only a couple of small surprises that I am confident she will love. Tastes change so quickly at that age.

Welcome to teenager-hood. All children find their parents mortifying. It is usually just a (longish) phase.
I look a bit alternative even now and when my son was in his teens he thought I was SO embarrassing. Nothing I said wasn't embarrassing, never mind the way I looked. I wanted to accommodate him and I asked whether there was anything I could do or not do/say or not say that would not be embarrassing. His reply was a simple but definite NO so I thought I might as well please myself and just carry on as before. My one concession was that for a while I wore a hat to cover my green hair when I was picking him up from school.
He grew out of it - eventually.

I voted that you were not being unreasonable, only on the grounds that you have a brain injury, so are, possibly, more sensitive to this comment than most.

However, it's a parents role to embarrass their child. I was admonished by mine for attending her sports day in trainers and jeans. Other Mums were in dresses (this was circa 1980). I was much younger (well, 10 or so years than other Mums) so trainers and jeans seemed ok. Apparently not to my child.

hang on in there. By the time my child was 17, they thought I was very.cool. I asked them to pick out an outfit to go to their opening day, at school. I'd learned my lesson that you can embarrass your child inadvertently. She chose some suede trousers for me. Still 1980s, by the way. my child revelled in the fact I was a little different to other parents, mainly because of my age.

You never know, you may have a moment of being quite cool 😀