AIBU and emotional - teenager called me embarrassing

Not awful. Just not to his taste.

The most unusual aspect of the whole thing in my opinion is that your ds knew he'd upset you but didn't seem to care. Sure, they find us embarrassing. But if they hurt our feelings, they should still be able to show some empathy. My 13yo ds has gone too far with comments in the past, most of which I'm able to shrug off. But on the odd occasion that he's actually said something that upsets me, he always gives me a hug and apologises, pretty much immediately. I don't really care much when he thinks I'm being embarrassing. I might tone it down a bit, but I refuse to alter my personality and become dull and boring.

Ds2 found me deathly embarrassing when he was 12. By the time he was 14 he worked out that I came with the ability to pay and he got over himself.

Just ask him for a list of books he’d like to receive.

Again I think it’s quite normal. I got my 13 a top that I thought he’d love (a Stranger Things top) and he obviously doesn’t like it and hasn’t worn it once. I should have known better really as he picks his own clothes and has for ages. It’s just part of growing up, making your own choices and feeling independent in areas that they can control.

YANBU to be upset but this is normal teen behaviour unfortunately.

Oh god yes, parents are totally embarrassing for a teenager. It's our job. In fact if they hadn't been embarrassed I'd have felt I'd failed. All adults and over it now.

Sorry you've had a hard time 💐.

All teens find parents embarrassing. My eldest began finding me v embarrassing in yr 5 , hated me turning up to school in exercise gear - even though loads of other mums were.

Youngest didn't want me to attend year 9 parents evening- wanted DH to go instead ( assume he was less embarrassing).

Many other examples..

https://www.bbc.co.uk/programmes/m0014gnc

Great programme about teenage brains and why they find parents excruciating. It might help give you some perspective.

But your op is very clear you cried when you spoke to him and left the room crying,

this is often a manipulation technique.

Sorry but I think you're being overly sensitive now. It's perfectly reasonable for him to ask that you don't buy him books or that he chooses his own. I would hate for someone to buy me books. Your comment "I must have awful taste" just seems a bit touchy, he just doesn't like the book you got him, that's not a big deal.

Don’t you ask him what he wants for his presents ? I can see why a 12 year old might not be thrilled with that book.

We will have to agree to disagree.

No
Telling someone "you wouldn't react like that" is an awful way of invalidating their feelings and making it like they don't even know their own mind

And crying is a well known guilt tactic. He didn't treat her badly, just said something typically teenagery.

It is okay to be upset by it, but it is just a horrible phase young teenagers go through.

I love my mum and she isn't actually embarrassing at all, but I remember being 13 and on a walk with her when she pointed out an "amazing owl up in that tree!" And I was so embarrassed by that I wanted to run away from her. I didn't, I just rolled my eyes and said "um..ok whatever". It was stupid but I was so annoyed that she was being so cringey and excited by owls that I was angry at her.

Which is ridiculous for many reasons, not just because we were alone, it wasn't an embarrassing thing for her to have said at all and it was a cool owl (it was huge). I was just being a hormonal arsehole and I grew out of it.

To be fair the book thing is a sign of growing up. His preferences are changing I imagine.

And then you invalidated his feelings, told him how he would react and he was wrong in how he thought he would react, then walked off crying. Which isn't good.

Totally disagree with this. He underplayed how he would respond which is a classic technique to wiggle out of a confronting question. She called him out on that. That’s a totally legitimate response. She cried, because he treated her badly and it was upsetting, also a legitimate response.

Myb12 yr old said exactly the same as that. She won't do most of the stuff we used to do together as I'm embarrassing it's just an age thing

Oh @TheQuickCat it's bad and infuriating enough when they do it because they are plain bastardy teenagers. I think if you have a disability it's a very cruel cut.

When you are both calm I think you should sit down and discuss this. I wonder if a little coaching/therapy would help you here.

FWIW my DS was very embarrassed to be seen with me as a teenager. I am a pretty standard mother. I used to play on it. Behave and I'll walk behind you, misbehave and I shall not hesitate to car dance, pitch dance or shop dance, with singing.

You're not doing your job properly if your teenager isn't embarrassed by your existence.

But if it is to do with your disability, he needs pulling up on it sharpish. That's not acceptable.

Oh I’m sorry that sounds tough - I’d have been devastated if my DC had said they were embarrassed by me.

I suspect it says more about his confidence than anything else.