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AIBU?

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I’ve bumped my husbands new car 🚗

605 replies

StaceyAl · 09/06/2024 20:39

I’m in a panic. My husband bought an expensive new car last week. He was having an afternoon nap so I just borrowed it to collect my son from sports training. I’ve reversed into a low wall in a car park (couldn’t see it in my rear view mirror) and have dented the rear bumper.
He’s working from home tomorrow- is there any chance I can get up early and take it to a garage to get fixed and return it without him knowing?
what should I do, I can’t tell him he’ll be furious and I took it without asking

OP posts:
Bushtika · 10/06/2024 15:43

There are often threads on here where a woman is beyond angry that here husband has washed something of hers on the wrong setting. There are hundreds of comments about incompetent men and advising her to make her husband pay.
Of course, if it is a woman who takes her husband's new car without asking,
the same posters rush to reassure her that she has done nothing wrong.

HollyKnight · 10/06/2024 15:41

Mothership4two · 10/06/2024 15:36

@Maelil01

It could have been a child and not a wall.

Don't be silly. She pranged the car, not an uncommon event, she didn't jump a red light or drive over a zebra crossing when there were pedestrians on it. She's not a joy-rider!

She was picking her child up from a sports club. Other children would have been around. She was neither looking behind her, nor listening out for danger, nor paying attention to the parking sensors. Of course she could have hit a child!

Allfur · 10/06/2024 15:39

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/06/2024 15:35

I'd be bloody furious if my DP took my new posh car without speaking then damaged it!!!

Some anger issues there

Mothership4two · 10/06/2024 15:36

@Maelil01

It could have been a child and not a wall.

Don't be silly. She pranged the car, not an uncommon event, she didn't jump a red light or drive over a zebra crossing when there were pedestrians on it. She's not a joy-rider!

LakieLady · 10/06/2024 15:35

Iloveshihtzus · 10/06/2024 11:57

I’m shocked at the amount of women (I assume they are women?) posting here that the husband’s anger was justified.

The OP has just said she will never be allowed to use his car again - they are married, legally it is their property - that’s what marriage means, like it or not, and she is now not allowed to use it, as if she were a child.

What kind of weird dynamic do you all live in that this is normal????

I find it weird, too. And a bit worrying.

When DP was alive, we never had "his car" and "my car". My job involved a fair bit of driving about, whereas he just drove to the office and back again. He mostly used the little hatchback bought for commuting and I used the A4 Avant because I did a fair bit of driving on rural roads, plus I was using it all day and it was the only one that had aircon. But if he'd had to do a long drive for any reason, we'd have discussed it and it would have been better all round for him to take the Audi and me to use the smaller car.

Even though we each had our "own" money, cars always came out of "joint" money, and he'd never have batted an eyelid if I'd scraped either of them.

OrlandointheWilderness · 10/06/2024 15:35

Prelapsarianhag · 10/06/2024 11:04

He does not sound very nice. We are human and we all make mistakes.

I'd be bloody furious if my DP took my new posh car without speaking then damaged it!!!

Allfur · 10/06/2024 15:33

DannyLovesFanny · 10/06/2024 15:17

That's completely irrelevant. It isn't your husband's car we're talking about.

It's as relevant as all the other posts saying its just a car, or are you the thread police?

dahliadraws · 10/06/2024 15:31

im so sorry to read your thread and the panic you’ve been in hasn’t seemed normal

no husband should teach his wife a lesson - I hope you’re safe

ask for support if you need it. it’s not nice to be scared in ur own home

Maelil01 · 10/06/2024 15:30

Prelapsarianhag · 10/06/2024 11:04

He does not sound very nice. We are human and we all make mistakes.

She doesn’t sound very nice. She took something that wasn’t hers, without permission and damaged it through careless driving.

Not good.

It could have been a child and not a wall.

Chipsahoy · 10/06/2024 15:29

Sounds like a power imbalance in this relationship which is never a good thing. I don’t work, husband earns well, still we have cars and lovely things and they are half mine and half his and if I broke them he would shrug and pay for it.
The idea of being scolded like a child and told I couldn’t drive it again and had to pay out of my own money is just awful. That’s something you might say to a teenager who borrowed and damaged a car, not your spouse! This isn’t a healthy relationship.

Mothership4two · 10/06/2024 15:27

Of course it's 'just a car'. It exists to take you from A to B. I love my car, but I know it's just a thing. Of course he has every right to be annoyed initially. Then get it sorted on the insurance. Nobody died. Not sure if she is OTT in her worry about his reaction or his attitude is.

Iaskedyouthrice · 10/06/2024 15:19

Magnastorm · 10/06/2024 13:50

Of course you get to be upset and annoyed, but if one partner in a marriage is literally afraid of their partners reaction to what was, ultimately, an accident, that is not a good state of affairs.

It's just stuff. It can be repaired or replaced. A relationship in which one partner is frightened to make mistakes is not a healthy one.

It's stuff that I work really bloody hard for. I don't smoke, drink, buy a lot of clothes, stick to a pretty tight budget because I want the nicer car. I've had the same car for 10 years, before that I had little old Fiesta for 12 years. This year I am treating myself. I would be furious and I would have every right to be. The point I was making is, you are assuming he is abusive, what if he's sick of this kind of thing? The OP was quite flippant in explaining why she took the car, perhaps this happens a lot. Perhaps that's why she knew he was going to be angry. You are allowed to be angry when someone takes something expensive of yours, that you haven't had for very long and breaks it.

DannyLovesFanny · 10/06/2024 15:17

Allfur · 10/06/2024 15:15

I couldn't be married to a man whose car was his pride and joy

That's completely irrelevant. It isn't your husband's car we're talking about.

Allfur · 10/06/2024 15:15

DannyLovesFanny · 10/06/2024 15:11

Nonsense. It isn't "just a car", it's probably his pride and joy which the OP took without his consent and damaged it at her first attempt.

I couldn't be married to a man whose car was his pride and joy

DannyLovesFanny · 10/06/2024 15:15

I haven't read the whole thread but has it been mentioned that if he'd woken up to find his car gone he could have reported it to the police who, if they'd stopped it, could have arrested the OP for TWOC?

Allfur · 10/06/2024 15:14

SoupDragon · 10/06/2024 14:50

So you know what makes a car really difficult to use? Having it stuck in the body shop being fixed.

The dent doesn't interfere with the mechanics of the car

lovenotwar149 · 10/06/2024 15:11

and apologise of course

lovenotwar149 · 10/06/2024 15:11

I would be honest and tell him the truth

DannyLovesFanny · 10/06/2024 15:11

Allfur · 10/06/2024 14:49

Him not allowing you to drive it again makes him look like a controlling twat, its just a car it was an accident and you're not a child

Nonsense. It isn't "just a car", it's probably his pride and joy which the OP took without his consent and damaged it at her first attempt.

sillygoof · 10/06/2024 15:09

If you’re that scared of your husband’s anger that you want to secretly get the car fixed, I’m not sure you should be married to him.

notzen · 10/06/2024 15:02

Perhaps DH has to treat her like a child when she’s acted like one. Why would it be okay to take something of anyone’s, damage it & ask for advice on how to get away with it? I don’t think marriage entitles you to treat your partner worse than you treat other people.

Outliers · 10/06/2024 15:01

I think it's reasonable to be pissed that your brand new car has a dent

Mothership4two · 10/06/2024 14:55

I’m not allowed to drive it again which is I think a fair decision.
I will also pay for the damage from my own account rather than our joint account as it will cost quite a lot of money.
my husband was very angry with me which he has every right to be, I made a stupid decision.

It's a fing car. It's not a living thing. It happens Claim on insurance and pay the excess.

HollyKnight · 10/06/2024 14:53

Him not allowing you to drive it again makes him look like a controlling twat, its just a car it was an accident and you're not a child

It is not controlling to not lend to someone who previously took your property without asking and then damaged it so carelessly.

WallaceinAnderland · 10/06/2024 14:50

Nowhere has OP said how her DH behaved.

Did he shout, did he swear, did he threaten her, did he slam doors, did he throw furniture, did he damage something of hers, did he fume, did he go silent... what?

There's a lot of assumptions on this thread.

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