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AIBU?

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Original poster

Driving instructor after lesson was due to start

36 replies

Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 13:18

I had a driving lesson booked for 8.30am yesterday. I was so tired as I hadn’t slept well but set my alarm for 7:45. My instructor is often running 10-30 minutes late, so I looked at my phone as soon as I got up in case he had sent a text to say he was running late and then I could get a few minutes more sleep.

No such luck - so I got out of bed and showered had coffee woke myself up basically, to keep me going for the next few hours. I was wide awake by this point and texted him at 8:30am asking if he was going to be on time. He texted back at 9am saying he had just woke up and didn’t feel well.

AIBU for thinking he should have woke up by 7am (which is the time he would normally have had to wake up by in order to make it to my lesson at 8:30am) and sent me a text earlier rather than texting to cancel half an hour after my lesson was meant to start?

The thing is I need to spend the rest of the day exhausted for absolutely nothing. If I’d had the lesson in the morning, it would have been worthwhile to feel tired in the afternoon but the way I feel seems a waste considering he cancelled.

And to avoid a drip feed no I can’t do a catch-up sleep during the day . I have sleeping issues and if I nap I usually struggle to sleep at night,plus I just struggle to day-sleep anyway. I realise it’s not his fault I have sleep issues but surely common courtesy is he should’ve texted me in advance?

OP posts:
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bozzabollix · 10/06/2024 18:47

Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 14:15

That’s great you don’t charge for cancelling! All the instructors I’ve had do!

Yeah I was hoping he would offer a free lesson but he never so I’ve just left it - don’t
want to ask if that’s not what he is offering.

Completely agree with him cancelling if he feels too unwell but yeah it’s just the timing of it! I’d have been grateful for a text an hour or so before it was meant to start.

Show quote history

It doesn’t seem fair you have to pay for cancelling and he doesn’t, but I guess that there’s a shortage of us out there and people can get away with it! But on the same foot lucky to get a Sunday slot, most charge extra for that.

I feel all happy about myself having read all this!

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 17:21

Thanks for the comments & votes!

Bit surprised to see 30% of the vote seemingly thinks it’s BU to expect a professional to cancel at least 90 minutes in advance of a scheduled lesson, rather than cancelling half an hour into the lesson time 🤔 Glad it’s not the majority though or I’d feel like I’d totally lost track of etiquette even more than I have 😅

Definitely is considered rude and inconsiderate in my world - even for hanging out with friends we’d let each other know beforehand if we couldn’t make it anymore but I guess that’s the ‘joy’ of AIBU - you get to hear a range of perspectives and see how others outside your bubble may think 🤷‍♀️

I agree though re. not doing pre 9am lessons again. Lesson learnt - pun unintended.

Also: He’s still faffing about with rescheduling, so if next week doesn’t happen I may need to cut my losses, postpone the test and find a new instructor who can respect my time more.

Onwards and upwards and all that jazz 🚘

OP posts:
whyhavetheygotsomany · 09/06/2024 14:40

Why are you so tired ? 7.45 is not early to get up

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 14:24

Pemba · 09/06/2024 14:14

On a weekend it's early. The OP says she sleeps badly and this has affected her day, all for nothing. I have similar sleep problems.

Some people are also not natural early birds and imo early risers tend to scoff at others and be quite smug about their sleep patterns. God forbid they are disturbed later on in the evening though, they get very grumpy about that.

exactly this.

I was actually an early riser for years until my sleep issues kicked off during the pandemic, but I’m glad I was never smug about it and understood some people need to sleep a bit more /later.

Bit off topic but I’ve been keeping it under control through walking a lot but recently had a wee injury while exercising 🤦‍♀️which is partly why it’s flared up a bit as I can’t walk as much right now.

Sorry to hear you deal with sleep problems too, it can be so awful!

OP posts:
Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 14:15

bozzabollix · 09/06/2024 14:07

I’m a driving instructor. Because I’ve got two kids and am the more available parent I don’t charge anyone for cancelling, as Sod’s Law one of my kids will be vomiting a few days later and I’ll have to give a free lesson (as the penalty should go both ways IMO).

He does sound unreliable, which I’d be annoyed at. I don’t blame him for cancelling when sick as illness would affect risk management, but he should’ve let you know earlier. Also he shouldn’t be late either, it isn’t professional.

But with only six weeks left I’d stick with him. You know the car and instructors generally all have waiting lists at the moment.

That’s great you don’t charge for cancelling! All the instructors I’ve had do!

Yeah I was hoping he would offer a free lesson but he never so I’ve just left it - don’t
want to ask if that’s not what he is offering.

Completely agree with him cancelling if he feels too unwell but yeah it’s just the timing of it! I’d have been grateful for a text an hour or so before it was meant to start.

OP posts:
Pemba · 09/06/2024 14:14

On a weekend it's early. The OP says she sleeps badly and this has affected her day, all for nothing. I have similar sleep problems.

Some people are also not natural early birds and imo early risers tend to scoff at others and be quite smug about their sleep patterns. God forbid they are disturbed later on in the evening though, they get very grumpy about that.

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 14:11

@ThinWomansBrain Yes I’m the first slot of the day on a Sunday. We have had this slot two weeks running, this would’ve been the third .

When I first took lessons in my 20s this kind of thing was unheard of - at least with the instructors I had - but a decade later seems to be quite common unfortunately.

And it’s not just my experiences, it’s also what I read online in reviews.

My last instructor would text while I drove, the one before that was on the phone during my trial lesson. I reported both to their respective schools. So I think I’m being a lot more patient with this one because at least he’s not being unsafe during my lessons.

OP posts:
TheOnlyLivingBoyInNewCross · 09/06/2024 14:08

I mean, he’s unprofessional if he regularly runs late and cancels late

but such drama over having to get up at 7.45 🙄

bozzabollix · 09/06/2024 14:07

I’m a driving instructor. Because I’ve got two kids and am the more available parent I don’t charge anyone for cancelling, as Sod’s Law one of my kids will be vomiting a few days later and I’ll have to give a free lesson (as the penalty should go both ways IMO).

He does sound unreliable, which I’d be annoyed at. I don’t blame him for cancelling when sick as illness would affect risk management, but he should’ve let you know earlier. Also he shouldn’t be late either, it isn’t professional.

But with only six weeks left I’d stick with him. You know the car and instructors generally all have waiting lists at the moment.

ThinWomansBrain · 09/06/2024 14:05

regularly running 30 minutes late? - doesn't sound v professional, even without the latest complete no-show

Do you always have this time slot - in which case must the the first or second of the day, not unreasonable to expect him to ne on time.
I had lessons in London, so the instructor was occasionally late because of traffic conditions, but rarely.
Find a decent instructor

Anotherparkingthread · 09/06/2024 14:05

Honestly you should never hire anybody who doesn't respect your time. It's disrespectful and unprofessional, ditch him and find somebody else.

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 14:02

@Singleandproud the average in my area is £35 an hour. I pay £38 an hour so he’s not especially cheap. Not sure how much BSM are charging. I got him through a driving agency that link people with instructors.

They did say I can go back to them if I want a new instructor, at the time they had at least one other available instructor in my area.

But all the big schools like BSM and AA were booked up when I called! Hopefully I’ll pass this summer and be done with it.

OP posts:
DelythBeautyQueen · 09/06/2024 14:00

I have always worked in an office and we are expected to call in sick before the time we were due to start work. Half an hour (and a message from the boss) later would be unacceptable.

His conduct is unprofessional and inconsiderate. The fact that he is self-employed and not office based doesn't make it OK.

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 13:57

Floralnomad · 09/06/2024 13:46

You need to dump him and find a new more reliable instructor , I’d worry about how reliable he would be at turning up for the actual test .

Oh gosh don’t scare me 😅 I really hope not. Test is in 6 weeks. I’ll see how next week goes. Any more issues and he goes too.

i think what also irritates me is I’ve woken up with period pain sometimes and just had to grit my teeth and go ahead with a 2 hour lesson. Because if you cancel within 24 hours you get charged anyway, and yet the instructor can cancel half an hour AFTER the lesson is due to start and there’s no such penalty for him.

I’ve been reasonably flexible with the lateness - especially on weekends - as I do appreciate he is travelling from a distance. But yeah I think whether he lives close to me or not wouldn’t have affected whether he’d text me in a timely fashion regarding today’s cancellation.

OP posts:
Singleandproud · 09/06/2024 13:55

Are you with a big school or one man band?

I learnt with BSM, yes they were a little more pricey but my instructor was great and very professional possibly because being part of a larger organisation there was someone you could complain to if they were less than stellar I felt like I got what I paid for in terms of instruction and service.

kitsuneghost · 09/06/2024 13:53

kitsuneghost · 09/06/2024 13:50

Agree he should have called earlier but why would he be up at 7am? It doesn't take 1.5h to get ready.

Sorry just saw the update. Maybe a closer instructor may be better so agreed times are less likely to shift.

kitsuneghost · 09/06/2024 13:50

Agree he should have called earlier but why would he be up at 7am? It doesn't take 1.5h to get ready.

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 13:49

@Singleandproud Yeah no more early morning lessons. If I don’t set an alarm /have anyone wake me up, my natural wake up time on a weekend is usually about 9am so won’t be scheduling any lessons before then.

No, I don’t pay in advance thankfully! My last instructor believe it or not was way worse (constantly over 30 minutes late, had other learners in the car , cancelled more than once etc ) and I had paid in advance for 20 hours so I’m grateful that I just pay at end of each lesson with this one.

OP posts:
Floralnomad · 09/06/2024 13:46

You need to dump him and find a new more reliable instructor , I’d worry about how reliable he would be at turning up for the actual test .

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 13:43

It was hard to know if I’m just feeling grumpy due to lack of sleep catching up with me this afternoon or if he was bang out of order hence I did the AIBU so good to hear alternative opinions as I’m biased! But thanks @Pemba @uhOhOP I also still do feel it was unprofessional and inconsiderate.

He was actually late by over 30 minutes on the one occasion towards the start of our lessons and I did have a chat with him about it. Since then has ‘only’ been late closer to 10-20 minutes. So he was getting better… and then this!

He is at least polite and fairly patient with me during lessons, so I’ll give him another chance as I’m keen to pass this summer, It’s slim pickings out there with instructors - at least in my area.

OP posts:
uhOhOP · 09/06/2024 13:33

OP, despite the 33% of people who have voted that you're being unreasonable, you are NOT being unreasonable.

He is often running 10 to 30 minutes late and on this occasion he's cancelled the lesson AFTER OP asked him if he'd be on time. This is unacceptable. Yes, if it were a one-off, as people are saying, but it's part of a pattern of unreliability and unprofessionalism. Sack him, OP, and find another instructor. Probably not in that order, though.

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 13:31

SilentSilhouette · 09/06/2024 13:24

I'd find a new instructor. This one isn't very professional if they're often late.

Not turning up then cancelling 30 mins after the lesson should have started is crap. Surely they had an alarm set earlier?!?!?

Surely they had an alarm set earlier?!

Yeah this is what I was struggling with. I didn’t want to push it any further as I did sent him quite a blunt text and he did apologise to be fair, but I did want to ask did he sleep through his alarm or what?😆 I’d have expected him to wake with his alarm, realise he’s feeling crap then text me then go back to sleep.

OP posts:
Pemba · 09/06/2024 13:30

Very unprofessional of him to only let his client know he's not coming half an hour AFTER the lesson was due to start! He really let you down.

Ill or not, unless he was at death's door he could have set his alarm and woken up earlier, then realised how he was feeling and given you plenty of notice of cancellation. He could then have gone back to sleep and so could you! Thoughtless.

Original poster
Latetocancel · 09/06/2024 13:28

User478 · 09/06/2024 13:22

Annoying but as a one off I'd accept that he was ill and move on.

But any other messing about and I'd ditch and find a new instructor. It's too expensive to be not behaving professionally!

Yeah that’s what I think. These lessons are very expensive - at least for me - and as a former EFL tutor I couldn’t imagine texting my students parents half an hour AFTER I was due to arrive to cancel unless it was a very severe illness

OP posts:
UrbanFan · 09/06/2024 13:26

If he is routinely late and it impacts your day (and it does clearly) then find someone else.