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Original poster

Agreed to something I shouldn’t have, AIBU

289 replies

whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 12:55

Months ago we agreed to cat-sit for our neighbour for 4 days while they went away. We’ve done it once before, a year ago. When she asked again in possibly January time I said no problem. We do this for free btw

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow. They don’t get on holiday much and I felt guilty. Anyway I was under the impression it was just to feed the cat but we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day. Also the cat will need litter tray changing more frequently due to this and I’m pregnant. DH could do it but he works much longer days than me so isn’t going to be able to do the 3x a day. Longwinded way of saying we cannot do it and I’m now stressed and feeling guilty there is no way out of it. We are moving house in 3 weeks anyway so in theory don’t have to have much to do with them then but I’m possibly the biggest people pleaser going and I would always try to honour any commitment for somebody.

What can I do? They go away tomorrow. We have other neighbours who have previously done this for them before but I’m worried they’ll be annoyed at us if we don’t.

OP posts:
Original poster
whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 18:26

squidgybits · 09/06/2024 18:23

You left it till the last minute?

Go feed the cats and go on an assertiveness course
You do realise you told them you would?
Selfish is not a good look
The cats actually deserve better than you

Hahaha that has made me laugh 😂😂

OP posts:
BudgetQ · 09/06/2024 18:26

You need to be honest with your neighbour.

Tell her your DH can do cat litter 1x a day only. You will try with the medicine but cannot guarantee cat will take it etc.

It’s only 4 days. Do what you can do, but tell her what that is. I’m sure cat will survive. If neighbour doesn’t like it, she will need to find somebody else to look after dcat alongside you. She should have told you the full details to start with.

But you cannot pull out altogether with less than 24h notice.

Bignanna · 09/06/2024 18:24

squidgybits · 09/06/2024 18:23

You left it till the last minute?

Go feed the cats and go on an assertiveness course
You do realise you told them you would?
Selfish is not a good look
The cats actually deserve better than you

That was nasty and unnecessary!

squidgybits · 09/06/2024 18:23

You left it till the last minute?

Go feed the cats and go on an assertiveness course
You do realise you told them you would?
Selfish is not a good look
The cats actually deserve better than you

PadstowGirl · 09/06/2024 18:22

No, your unborn child is more important than her pet. We have cancelled holidays in the past when pet care fell through. She can put an emergency ad on the local FB page.

Motheroffourdragons · 09/06/2024 18:22

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

CaribouCarafe · 09/06/2024 18:21

Tbh unless OP found out she was pregnant yesterday, then she should've been more proactive about telling the neighbour she couldn't do the catsit. In any case, the litter only needs to be changed once a day anyway and OP's husband could've done it.

As for medication, yes neighbour was being unreasonable to wait until the last minute to bring it up - administering pills 3x a day is very different to topping up food/water bowls and changing litter 1x a day.

So both being unreasonable. Glad OP had a good outcome though with no hard feelings from neighbour.

aloris · 09/06/2024 18:18

You shouldn't be changing cat litter when you're pregnant and by the same token you probably shouldn't be giving medicine to an unfamiliar cat because you might get bitten if he's anxious and, again, you're pregnant. Toxoplasmosis.

Original poster
whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 18:18

whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 17:57

Update from me, family can help after all. She doesn’t seem bothered at all by it and said she’d forgotten about the risks involved and understood entirely I shouldn’t be doing it. No ill feelings either side, I’d imagined it to be a lot worse in my head.

Big lesson learned though that next time I should just say a firmer no, and lesson to her that she should be clearer about the frequency of her visits and what she needs.

Thank you to everyone who has left a helpful comment, I really appreciate it! And huge no thanks to anyone who chose to be condescending and rude and call me names- you didn’t offend me, but I find it very funny how this site brings out very ugly behaviour in some people!

:)

Resharing my update for those that missed it

OP posts:
DreamTheMoors · 09/06/2024 18:17

ONLY three times purr day…

Here kitty kitty kitty - come take this bitter pill. You’ll looove it.

Shaldar · 09/06/2024 18:09

You've known how many times per day it was supposed to be, but we're going to try to half arse it instead of saying it wouldn't be possible. You're the one who has limited their time to find an alternative.

You need to just do what you've agreed to. The cat litter is not nearly as big an issue, or even as regular an inconvenience, as you and PP are making out. That won't need doing three times daily and you can ask for help if you really can't handle (literally, not dramatically) it. However, pregnant pet owners do many to look after everyone by being careful and hygienic.

Helengreggregson · 09/06/2024 18:05

You can’t change cat litter when pregnant. It was short notice but you have your own welfare and welfare of the baby to think about so don’t feel guilty.

Motheroffourdragons · 09/06/2024 18:03

This reply has been deleted

This has been withdrawn by MNHQ on behalf of the poster.

Ponoka7 · 09/06/2024 18:03

Annanirvana · 09/06/2024 16:43

I'm shocked at the votes so far! Don't people realise how dangerous it will be for you to empty those litter boxes, possibly giving the cats medication too. Have people not heard of Toxoplasmosis? It is a parasite which can cause illness in humans as well as cats. It occur in the faeces and it is STRONGLY recommended that pregnant women don't touch the litter trays. The parasites can cause serious illness in the mother AND the baby. Please find someone else to look after the cats and never offer again, if they can afford a holiday,they can afford a cattery.

It's very rare for looked after, wormed etc cats in the UK to carry toxoplasmosis. Cats who hunt could pick it up, but research has shown that it is still unlikely. The parasite doesn't become active until a day after the cat has gone in the litter. So when litter is changed daily, there's no risk. You should be washing your hands after changing litter anyway.

You don't let people down like this, it isn't ok the day before someone is due to go on holiday.

Original poster
whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 17:57

Update from me, family can help after all. She doesn’t seem bothered at all by it and said she’d forgotten about the risks involved and understood entirely I shouldn’t be doing it. No ill feelings either side, I’d imagined it to be a lot worse in my head.

Big lesson learned though that next time I should just say a firmer no, and lesson to her that she should be clearer about the frequency of her visits and what she needs.

Thank you to everyone who has left a helpful comment, I really appreciate it! And huge no thanks to anyone who chose to be condescending and rude and call me names- you didn’t offend me, but I find it very funny how this site brings out very ugly behaviour in some people!

:)

OP posts:
Branleuse · 09/06/2024 17:56

You've had plenty of opportunity to say no, but youve been pretty vague and wishy washy instead of using your words.
Hopefully other neighbours can help out too.
Its only 4 days and its a neighbour so not far. I think you should suck it up, and maybe learn a bit of assertiveness

SerafinasGoose · 09/06/2024 17:55

blastedtea · 09/06/2024 16:47

Buy gloves, deal with it like a grown up like every other pregnant woman who owns a cat or has to look after a cat does. People are fragile now days aren't they

Who are these people who are constantly offering other women's services and goodwill for free?

SerafinasGoose · 09/06/2024 17:52

You cannot change litter when you're pregnant. Please, OP, don't.

ByBrightSloth · 09/06/2024 17:51

Ask if they have a pet carrier and say you will have the cats stay at yours

MaidOfBondStreet · 09/06/2024 17:48

Too late to change your mind now IMO, and it's only 4 days. You are going to have to suck it up. Say 'No' next time

Benshawsberries · 09/06/2024 17:37

You really shouldn’t be changing cat litter when pregnant so I would use that excuse as it’s true

LookItsMeAgain · 09/06/2024 17:35

@whoopswhatdoido - you wrote "I feel as though I’ve made it so so clear to her without actually saying".

Ah, I've found the buyer of the crystal ball and the recipients who must have been given it as a Christmas gift but it appears not to be working!

Well I hate to be the messenger here but you haven't made it so so clear. It's obvious you haven't.

Do they know you are pregnant? If they don't know, they wouldn't be aware of the risk of toxoplasmosis for you and you have to use your words here so that they are 100% crystal clear as to why you can't look after their cat.

You or your DH needs to go around and lay out exactly what you can and cannot do. If the family of the neighbours are busy, then they can take whatever time is required to give the cats their medication. Your DH can do their litter tray and you can do their food. That's it and the option of doing it on a regularised basis stops. You don't want a cat and it's medical requirements to come between you and your neighbour and this is precisely what is happening here.

StormingNorman · 09/06/2024 17:30

Surely pregnant women change litter trays?

It’s too short notice to back out now.

HisNibs · 09/06/2024 17:25

Calamitousness · 09/06/2024 17:07

Agree with @littleredcaravan go back round. Tell her you’ve discussed her ask with your husband since previously it was only Once a day and that’s what you were expecting. Tell her you can still do the once a day. You cannot change her cat litter or give meds though. She either takes or leaves your offer. She’s known what she was doing when she hid the enhanced needs of her cat from you. This is not your problem.

^
This

Whilst you were wishy-washy a month ago, your neighbour still had a chance to sort something else out anyway. It would seem they don't give a stuff about your pregnancy so why should you take any risks. Your neighbour is happy to put the pressure on you but not their own family? Bugger that!

Annanirvana · 09/06/2024 17:10

blastedtea · 09/06/2024 16:47

Buy gloves, deal with it like a grown up like every other pregnant woman who owns a cat or has to look after a cat does. People are fragile now days aren't they

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/toxoplasmosis/
This is from the NHS A-Z of conditions. Toxoplasmosis can cause miscarriage.

nhs.uk

Toxoplasmosis

Read about toxoplasmosis, a parasite infection that can be dangerous, especially for pregnant women and people with a weakened immune system.

https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/toxoplasmosis

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