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Agreed to something I shouldn’t have, AIBU

289 replies

whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 12:55

Months ago we agreed to cat-sit for our neighbour for 4 days while they went away. We’ve done it once before, a year ago. When she asked again in possibly January time I said no problem. We do this for free btw

I found out about a month ago that this week is going to be really busy for us and minding their cat is an extra pressure and stress that isn’t needed. I made an excuse politely then and asked my neighbour to ask her family instead. She seemed a bit annoyed and said it was only three times a day, but she would ask. Her family all have ‘a lot on’ so nobody can do it for her.

I am not the best at being assertive in these situations so I said I’m sure we can make it work, somehow. They don’t get on holiday much and I felt guilty. Anyway I was under the impression it was just to feed the cat but we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day. Also the cat will need litter tray changing more frequently due to this and I’m pregnant. DH could do it but he works much longer days than me so isn’t going to be able to do the 3x a day. Longwinded way of saying we cannot do it and I’m now stressed and feeling guilty there is no way out of it. We are moving house in 3 weeks anyway so in theory don’t have to have much to do with them then but I’m possibly the biggest people pleaser going and I would always try to honour any commitment for somebody.

What can I do? They go away tomorrow. We have other neighbours who have previously done this for them before but I’m worried they’ll be annoyed at us if we don’t.

OP posts:
whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 13:00

Shinyandnew1 · 09/06/2024 13:00

we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day.

When exactly did they tell you that the visits needed to be 3 times a day, @whoopswhatdoido ?

I would have gone straight round there and said no. I agreed to once a day which I told you was now going to be hard but I agreed as you are so desperate. I cannot do 3x a day-it isn’t possible. They need to cancel their holiday if they can’t rearrange plans-that is a big ask and they need a pet sitter.

Did they literally tell you when you write your OP? That is an unreasonable request to make the day before their holiday.

Edited

Yesterday

OP posts:
Asparename · 09/06/2024 13:00

I don’t think you should be changing cat litter when you are pregnant should you?! And you did let her know a month ago it would be difficult for you. Could you send your husband round to tell her no? Her family should be stepping up to help her.

whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 13:00

LongSinceGotUpAndGone · 09/06/2024 12:59

Could you offer to pay towards the cattery fees, given that you are letting them down at the last minute?

They also gave the reason she doesn’t like other cats 🙈

OP posts:
Shinyandnew1 · 09/06/2024 13:00

we have literally just found out she is on medication also which needs giving so 3 visits a day.

When exactly did they tell you that the visits needed to be 3 times a day, @whoopswhatdoido ?

I would have gone straight round there and said no. I agreed to once a day which I told you was now going to be hard but I agreed as you are so desperate. I cannot do 3x a day-it isn’t possible. They need to cancel their holiday if they can’t rearrange plans-that is a big ask and they need a pet sitter.

Did they literally tell you when you write your OP? That is an unreasonable request to make the day before their holiday.

whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 12:59

napody · 09/06/2024 12:59

Tricky one- with more notice id say YANBU but you can't expect them to be pleased with one day's notice! Were you there 3x a day last time? If they've only just mentioned it's 3x I think you can tell them it'll be once/twice like last time, and they'll have to make their own decision about how to do the medication/ask the vet if they can extend the course. Next time, say no! It's quite a lot to ask.

No once.

OP posts:
LongSinceGotUpAndGone · 09/06/2024 12:59

whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 12:58

To save money

Could you offer to pay towards the cattery fees, given that you are letting them down at the last minute?

napody · 09/06/2024 12:59

Tricky one- with more notice id say YANBU but you can't expect them to be pleased with one day's notice! Were you there 3x a day last time? If they've only just mentioned it's 3x I think you can tell them it'll be once/twice like last time, and they'll have to make their own decision about how to do the medication/ask the vet if they can extend the course. Next time, say no! It's quite a lot to ask.

whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 12:58

LongSinceGotUpAndGone · 09/06/2024 12:58

Is there a reason why your neighbour can't put the cat in a cattery?

ETA - asking to give an idea of options available.

Edited

To save money

OP posts:
Feelingstrange2 · 09/06/2024 12:58

Giving medication changes it completely in my view. If its pills then its a no no as I can't even get our cat to take them it's a right palaver.

You are right, it's rather late in the day to say no, but surely you've only just been told about the medication? You shouldn't be told, they should have asked as it changes things completely.

whoopswhatdoido · 09/06/2024 12:58

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 09/06/2024 12:58

You agreed. Months ago. And then when asked again you said you would make it work.
they won’t be annoyed at you if you don’t do it, they will be downright furious, and rightly so.

there are times to back out of a commitment like this. The day before they go on holiday is not one of them.

Only found out about the frequency of visits yesterday.

OP posts:
OrangeBlossomsinthesun · 09/06/2024 12:58

If they go away tomorrow I think you suck it up, really. What else is she supposed to do now if she goes tomorrow. I would be really fucked off with you if it were me.

LongSinceGotUpAndGone · 09/06/2024 12:58

Is there a reason why your neighbour can't put the cat in a cattery?

ETA - asking to give an idea of options available.

PotteringAlonggotkickedoutandhadtoreregister · 09/06/2024 12:58

You agreed. Months ago. And then when asked again you said you would make it work.
they won’t be annoyed at you if you don’t do it, they will be downright furious, and rightly so.

there are times to back out of a commitment like this. The day before they go on holiday is not one of them.

Blarneytalk · 09/06/2024 12:57

If they're going tomorrow, it's going to be very tricky. If you really can't do it, you need to tell them now.

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