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AIBU?

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Was I in the wrong here?

57 replies

Camden456 · 09/06/2024 09:06

DP was playing sport yesterday and straight after, we were going to a friends party.

I met DP just as his game was finishing. I arrived ready and all dressed up, and some of his team mates said I looked nice.

DP then comes up to me, ready to go. The day didn’t go very well so I give him a hug and ask if he’s ok. He says he’s okay and that he is ready to leave. I then ask him what the plans are regarding food, whether we are driving and leaving the car etc etc. I am stressing a bit because it was his friend and he hadn’t organised logistics etc and then he calls his friend and they start talking about something else.

Eventually we leave and I am still stressing because it’s fairly late and we haven’t eaten so we settle on getting a McDonald’s. I then apologise for being stressed.

30 minutes into the journey he tried to make conversation about “how long did I take to get ready” but says nothing else.
I then ask him if I look nice. He said yes I look beautiful. I said I was a bit hurt because his team mates could say I looked nice but not my own boyfriend.
DP got really annoyed saying “you haven’t given it any time” and “you never let things happen naturally”. He then said it was a bit difficult seeing as the first thing I did was stress out at him. I thought that was unfair seeing as I gave him a hug and asked if he was ok.
He said “how nice would it have been if I’d just told you how lovely you looked when we arrived, but no it’s ruined now”.

He then said I stress him out frequently. I asked why bother then, and he said because he loves me and I give him so many happy moments too.

Anyway, all fine and we arrive at the party.
I have a few drinks and outside it’s cold, he put his arm round me and we have a little peck.
Inside I say to him flirting “can I have a proper kiss now”.
Anyway this backfires and he said to me that this felt really forced and out of the blue, and also didn’t really know what I meant. He said it made him feel the kiss outside wasn’t good enough.

I’m then getting really confused, saying how I thought he used to like me being flirty and I don’t get why the fuck it seems forced. I used to ask similar things when dating and he loved it.
I said maybe it’s because he’s not into it anymore but he said that’s absolute nonsense. He said we just got our wires crossed and of course he likes me flirting but sometimes we swing and miss??

I just feel so confused and I don’t know if I was in the wrong all night?

OP posts:
Menomeno · 09/06/2024 09:16

I genuinely want to know what I can do to be better if I am in the wrong!

Listen to him, he’s already told you what the issue was. He felt that you stressed him out, so maybe reflect on that and see if you could have done things differently.

Don’t beat yourself up though, you obviously felt stressed yourself too. Once he felt “got at” he’ll have just got his knickers in a knot and then you’ll feel like you can’t do anything right. But if you take a step back it really is a storm in a teacup.

ToxicChristmas · 09/06/2024 09:15

That all sounds very dramatic and hard work over absolutely nothing at all. Exhausting.

FTPM1980 · 09/06/2024 09:14

You seem a bit pushy and needing to be complimented/kissed in front of people, not just on your own. It all seems a bit performative and yes forced.

DH played team sport so I know that meeting him ready to go as soon as he finished wouldn't have been ideal. His adrenaline would be racing, he would be wound up. People need time to decompress afterwards.
I was there before during and after most matches and I knew not to pester him afterwards. The last thing he wants is a hug and "are you ok" I am guessing he wanted to have a drink and chat with his team mates.
I am wondering how late it could have finished? Unless it was cricket?

And then when he did show you affection you implied it wasn't good enough.

TaylorBrown · 09/06/2024 09:14

Sounds like I just read a part from a teens relationship 🙄are you a teen?

Camden456 · 09/06/2024 09:10

I think it just hurt because I rarely wear makeup etc and so I thought he’d notice, plus his team mates could compliment me. When I said this he said “well you didn’t stress them out as soon as you saw them today”

OP posts:
Camden456 · 09/06/2024 09:09

for the record I’m not looking to see everything he did wrong, I genuinely want to know what I can do to be better if I am in the wrong!

OP posts:
FourEyesGood · 09/06/2024 09:09

“I then ask him if I look nice.”

This makes you sound quite needy, plus a bit critical of him for not immediately complimenting you.

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