Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

I actually feel quite sorry for him in this scenario - you both backed him into a corner and tried to shout him down until he basically shut up and agreed with you.

Im baffled as to how you can read the OP and infer the above? Where was the shouting? Where did it say he was in agreement?

Clearly comprehension is a rare skill these days!

The danger is when people compare themselves to others, and take on a victim mentality. Which us insufferable and so annoying.

Don't ever compare. Once you get to know someone, you realise that everyone is struggling or suffering in some way. Anything could be going on behind the scenes - depression, family estrangement, sickness, anxiety, bereavement...etc. Money helps but it doesn't solve everything. Mansions are just big empty buildings. If you're not happy, what's the point.

Don't demean your friend, or anyone else, because they have extra digits in their bank account. Focus on your own life. This whole 'privilege' thing is nonsense. It comes from a place of bitterness and a poor me mentality. My parents grew up with no bathrooms in Ireland. Had to do their business in a shed. They had no self pity though. Stop looking over your neighbours fence in anger. If you act the victim, you'll always be a victim.

His money is none of your business. You sound jealous and I doubt you’re a true friend anyway. Move on!

Why end the friendship?
Why even talk about your friend's wealth? That is so rude.
Is he a good friend?
It would be sad and not the best outcome for anyone to ever have to sell their home if they wish to stay living there? What type of friend would suggest that their friend sells their home or that their friend doesn't work hard for what they earn and contribute?

Your wealthy friend couldn't help who his parents were and he is not fussed how wealthy or poor his friends are. It's a pity those friends are acting with some cruelty and bad manners.

Who pays the most tax? Who pays the most to charities?

I actually feel quite sorry for him in this scenario - you both backed him into a corner and tried to shout him down until he basically shut up and agreed with you.

His personal situation is not something that should have been brought into a discussion about politics unless he chose to bring it up himself. He was clearly uncomfortable so why did you keep pushing?

I'm also not sure why you'd end a friendship over this, but I can certainly understand why he would!

Why would you end a friendship over this?

Presumably you're friends because you enjoy each others company, like to spend time together, would help each other out etc.

Why would a difference of opinion over financial circumstances affect any of that?

I take your well hidden point that it's my opinion of what the real world is - everyone here is giving an opinion, no one is right or wrong.

Generally people that live with enormous privilege are out of touch. Royal family, for example. No idea what it feels like to struggle with childcare, electricity bills or have to cut back the food budget. The majority of people have experienced this at some point.

I'm pretty sure he does know he's privileged but was probably feeling slightly embarrassed and defensive so was trying to minimise it - it's not very British to discuss one's wealth!
To be honest, I think your other friend was rude to bring it up.

Not really. How would we ever know she get all her home improvements paid for?

Why would you think that was anyone’s definition of friendship? 😆

See, friendship to me is not constantly reminding your friends of things and expecting them to flagellate themselves.

I worked hard at school, career etc but my financial security has come from getting on the London housing ladder. I only did this with significant help and without that no matter how hard I worked I wouldn’t have what I have now. I’ve never felt judged for that but I’ve never not recognised the benefit of that help. Of course there are plenty in far better circumstances than me but plenty are in worse.

Yeah tbh I agree.
I feel like he was being defensive and trying to justify himself because in this upside down world lots of people act like "privilege" is a bad thing and people use it to have a dig at others.

I'm piss poor, I live on a grotty council estate, I own nothing and sadly have nothing of worth to pass onto my children. I would love to be privileged like the friend and although I'd probably have some jealousy (honestly i think that's natural when you don't have much), I wouldn't ever hold it against a friend or expect them to hold particular views about their wealth. He's supposed to be your friend.

@CharlieDickens presumably no one believes you wanted your dad do die young or your marriage to break up. Perhaps they are reminding you that plenty of people lose their parents young or have broken marriages but don’t inherit anything?

Sick of these threads where people are just so bitter about someone who have more.

I understood the thread to be not about the fact he has more but the fact he doesn’t appear to think he has more. The OP has been friends with him a long time so presumably she hasn’t spend the last decade or so resenting him for having more?

Sick of these threads where people are just so bitter about someone who have more. He isn't the twat here.

I have issues with this. I have some privilege as a consequence of my dad passing away when I was quite young, marrying someone who had a good job and being sensible with money in my 20s. I know it's a privilege but at the same time I don't need to be reminded of it. My net worth at 50 is nearly £2.5m. I struggle when people want to remind me of my privilege.

Firstly, I didn’t choose for my dad to pass away and leave me money. I would have rather he lived to a good age. I also didn't choose for my marriage to break down and as PP have said, the everyone works nowadays.

Secondly, what are you trying to achieve from reminding me? What do you want me to do about it? I give money to charity, work in a regular job and live a regular life. There's nothing else I can do about it.

I'm not surprised he got defensive as he was defending himself from judgment and criticism.

It sounds as if the point he was making was that he and his dc do need to work, and that he works hard. You hit a sore point. He doesn't want to be seen as someone with no value, or who doesn't contribute.

I wouldn't end a friendship if I was in your position, but if I was in his shoes I wouldn't rush to see you again.

It sounds like you and your friend attacked him and when he didn’t respond as you wanted you’ve labelled him.
I think the friendship probably is at an end but you’re not on the moral high ground you think you are.

YABU to want to end a friendship over ThIS, but he is also annoying to not see that getting 10mm worth of stuff for free is enormously lucky and that he won the womb lottery… best response in those dialogues is acknowledge it and just move on.
I have a friend who will inherit roughly 10-15mm ( after tax) at some point.. she told me “it’s not that much” , I told her she was being ridiculous and then we moved on…

Sometimes people go into shock/denial if you point something out they're not ready to hear. He might not have contemplated this before. Give him a minute to process it perhaps?

@Lentilweaver But the OP is titled ‘unaware of privilege’, what about that makes you think he was/is aware of his privilege? Where does it say the conversation was unrelated and the comment came out of nowhere? They were discussing politics which I assume adds to the context.

To those living in war zones or where you have to work to eat or starve everyone in the uk is extremely privileged.

He is certainly privileged but he hasnt inherited billions and he's working. The houses may be mortgaged to the hilt. If he denied any sort of advantage he'd be a bit of a twat but denying he has worked with and for what he now has makes anyone else present also twattish.

It's not unusual for privileged people to fail to understand how poverty can adversely affect life choices. They tend to assume they'd escape because they have drive and ambition and dont realise how much of that is down to the environment in which they were raised, the food they were given, the schooling they received. If you have a problem with that either help to educate him or stop talking politics.

@LadyTiredWinterBottom2

What’s your definition of ‘the real world’ and why are you so certain that you do live in it?

Unless he is more than a friend, his financial affairs are neither yours nor anybody else’s business to criticise or pass judgement on, -just the same as your own finances are completely private.
HMRC is the only government body any person needs to answer to about their finances and they will ensure he is paying the correct amount of tax on his earnings and income.

The friend who questioned him and made him account for himself and his finances is the friend I would drop as that friend has no manners.

If your wealthy friend has an active dislike to people less well off than himself then you wouldn’t be friends with him in the first place. So I’m sure that isn’t true of him.

Only if he started to reveal himself as uncaring/intolerant/flippant/superior towards people less well off than himself, would I begin to question my friendship with him.