Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

P.S. I posted that once, not twice. But I suppose it was worthy of re-iteration 😉

I personally have ended a few friendships because they are resentful towards what I have. This obsession with acknowledging privilege is idiotic. People can hide money and properties and pretend they are much less well off. I believe is the English way.
I was the recipient of hate by the wife of someone I used to consider a friend. She just couldn’t stand I was raising my children as a SAHM and did not have to work. Now I understand why she felt entitled to do this. It is actually socially acceptable in this country. By all means end your friendship. Pretty sure you would be doing both a favour. What is your friend getting from this friendship? He probably has thought of this anyway. I was drained after being out with that lot. So glad they are not part of my life anymore.

I can't stand this 'check your privilege' bullshit. It's related to the 'white guilt' bullshit. So people must feel bad for even existing. No-one chose a particular life that was handed to them.

Everyone has hardships even rich people, shock horror. Perhaps a richer person might have experienced more horrors than another poorer person. People have no idea what others go through. And money is far from everything.

Also, by that token everyone is more privileged than someone or something. Aside from perhaps the most unfortunate specimen in the world, whoever that may be?!

That being said, it is obviously a fact that your friend has had a "hand up" in terms of finances and is in a better position than most were he to lose his job. I'm not sure that warrants him feeling overly aware at all times of how lucky his is, but perhaps being privately greatful of it, like everyone should appreciate the good things that they have in life as a way to remain humble. But definitely not as a whipping stick to flog themselves with.

I can't stand this 'check your privilege' bullshit. It's related to the 'white guilt' bullshit. So people must feel bad for even existing. No-one chose a particular life that was handed to them.

Everyone has hardships even rich people, shock horror. Perhaps a richer person might have experienced more horrors than another poorer person. People have no idea what others go through. And money is far from everything.

Also, by that token everyone is more privileged than someone or something. Aside from perhaps the most unfortunate specimen in the world, whoever that may be?!

That being said, it is obviously a fact that your friend has had a "hand up" in terms of finances and is in a better position than most were he to lose his job. I'm not sure that warrants him feeling overly aware at all times of how lucky his is, but perhaps being privately greatful of it, like everyone should appreciate the good things that they have in life as a way to remain humble. But definitely not as a whipping stick to flog themselves with.

DH and I always considered ourselves financially "ok". Then we gained a DSIL who grew up in an overcrowded social housing flat, who considers us posh, and another DSIL who grew up on his parents country estate and thinks we are poverty stricken.
It's all relative innit.
However much we have, we always want more.

I reckon the above is why lots of people find mediums accurate. When they tell a 50 year old woman (my age) that she’s a very caring person and she’s cared a lot in her life but she’s not always taken enough care of herself and maybe it’s time to start doing that; not many of us are going to think “Hang on! I’m a right selfish cunt me! What is she on about?”

I dare say if someone tips up in a nice car with expensive hair and trappings they get told “You’ve done well in life but it’s come at a cost and it’s not always been easy…” and most people will be only too happy to agree with that.

If you don’t care how wealthy he is, and why is it any of your business anyway OP, then why do you feel he has to understand that he is privileged.

Presumably he’s been a friend for a long time and his wealth hasn’t been an issue so far so why is it an issue now?

It’s a bit irritating but if he’s a good bloke otherwise then I wouldn’t end the friendship. Loads of people are a bit deluded about at least one aspect of their personality or circumstances. I know a good few people who do a lot of moaning about their health/ family relationships/ husband and in the same breath always go on about how the thing is, because they never moan and just get on with things, everybody just assumes “good old Lauren” is fine, but actually she struggles too etc… Similarly people who are pretty demanding but insist that their problem is that they always put other people first and at some point they are going to have to start saying “no” and have you scratching your head because they have loads of family support, flexible working and no known history of leaping to the rescue of your mutual friends or their wider family.

Most of us have our foibles.

I was in a houseshare.
One evening, a top businessman was brought over, and two of my housemates really thought we (the other two) could learn a lot from him.
He had inherited two successful pizza shops from his Dad. He set up a third, that struggled badly and he was advised to close it down. But then Dominos arrived in town and bought all three from him for an absolute fortune.
It was clear that those three really thought there were useful lessons in that for us. Bonkers.

This is really none of your business, OP.

I find it astonishing when people can't see their privilege, especially when it is as obvious as that.

DH and I had a rather heated exchange a few months ago when I referred to him as privileged (good comfortable childhood, not brilliant but ok parents, opportunities around when we were younger etc). I told him all the ways in which I was privileged (childhood was marred by the very early death of a parent, occasionally abusive parenting and dad and step mum losing all their money in the late eighties/early nineties when I was a teen - but I can still see the privilege I did have!).

I wouldn't end an otherwise good friendship over this though. He sounds very 'blinkered' to put it politely - maybe he needs more thinking time...

If you have a good friendship don't end it.

I can see why it would irritate the hell out of you, because he's not being honest with himself or anyone else.

The icing on the cake for me would be him putting his parents down for not investing wisely!! That's were he sounds like an entitled twat.

You could gently try and educate him about the real world he lives in, but he sounds too far gone in the sense of being deluded.

I don't resent people being ridiculously wealthy, but I do find it distasteful when they aren't aware of their privilege.

I don't exclude friends from any part of my life, but I do make a point of not bringing up certain topics in front of certain friends. Property is the big one - some of my friends own their own home and others will never be able to afford to buy. It's about reading the room and not trying to create division.

I think in the OP's case, I would reconsider the friendship. Not through jealousy or resentment, but because someone who bangs on about how difficult life is when they are so very rich, in front of people who are so far away from that income-wise, is someone who probably doesn't have a lot of empathy for others.

Actually… a man who I was in touch with as a friend (and maybe dating) told me about his big house, bought for him by his DPs, he rented out rooms in it but had a couple of other properties bought by his DP’s which were rented out and he didn’t have to work but could go to vigils weekly for a well known public figure.

He sent me a text message from his ex GF and mother of his DD who said basically the same as me “you don’t have to work as you’re gifted property so you can hang out at vigils all day”. Not long after that he stopped talking to me but to be honest I couldn’t be bothered with his bleating. His DP’s also have a seaside flat in south of France where he takes his DD every year too. And his DD only sees him at weekends not living with him part time. Could see why he didn’t marry his ex GF (mother of his DD).

The reason I'd be disinterested in him as a friend is his lack of insight. I have very wealthy friends and hard up friends, most are middle-income, and it's never been an issue, but that's because the one thing most of my friends have is an ability to reflect on life, and their position in it.

I’d not be friends with him because he would bore the hell out of me with his rainbow lenses to life’s great struggle.
send him the link to Gary’s economics and block.

My family is pretty privileged in several ways, great supportive mum to offer family support, and financially as the years have gone on we are more wealthy than I thought we would be. I do talk to some friends but only a couple, and I would always acknowledge that luck has played a large part in it, but I might also talk about decisions, difficulties, stress relating to it as well, as it takes quite a lot of my time and energy, plus like a lot of people who own businesses, things go wrong, you have to pay out loads unexpectedly and so on.

It is a delicate issue and not one I'd chat about with most people, only a very few inner circle friends, they also share their money worries, inheritances, fortunate happenings, but it's a very small amount of people I'd have this chat with and I'd caveat it heavily.

Yabu - he was put on the defensive by people having a go at him when it was meant to be a friendly occasion- the people attacking others for what they do or don't have are the ones to watch out for.

My parents are boomers have given me absolutely nothing once I graduated. This is not a complaint. They were decent and loving, and paid for my education.

I expect some of my friends have had deposits and at least one lives in a house her parents gave her. I don't bring it up..None of my business.

I don't want to make friends only with people in my income bracket.

No, she is just downplaying it in conversation out of superstition :) doesn't want people to feel jealous,etc.

Your life holds no comparison to the OP’s friend though! Why even compare!

I think it's really rude to bring up another person's personal finances and then cast judgement on them. He obviously is privileged but you were in the wrong here.

Besides, 1 in 5 baby boomers are millionaires and many of their offspring will have had help getting on the property ladder. Yes, it's absolutely galling for people not in that position, but he's actually not that unusual to have received money from his parents so there's no point acting like he's unique in this way.

This. Remember when parents used to tell their kids that life isn't fair? Now we're teaching them jealousy and resentment of others is just fine.

I ended a friendship for very similar reasons recently. There’s a saying that’s something about friends above your station? I think honestly it’s nicer for me to be around people ‘like me’.

Wealthy people always compare themselves to Bezos and feel hard done by, instead of comparing themselves to someone earning 2 minimum wage jobs to make ends meet. People like him are the reason this country has fallen into the mess its in. They vote to keep more and more of the pie for themselves, because they're not rich, they're really not. FFS.

I had a friend who, nothing like the scale of wealth you're talking about, continually banged on about being mortgage free in his early 40s because he'd worked hard. In the end I pointed out that he hadn't done anything the rest of us couldn't have done with a £60k leg up from Grandma for a massive deposit, as well as selling a house in a tourist area at the height of silly prices just before the crash and buying a small town house up North. He didn't like it. But it was the truth, and sometimes people need to hear it. He was lucky. None of that involved hard work. A bit of good timing perhaps when he sold the first property, but nothing more.