Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

The council tax, insurance, maintenance etc bills on these properties must be eyewatering. People tend to forget about all the hidden extras of property ownership.

It's called the politics of envy, there's going to be a lot of it in the next few weeks.

You sound like a jealous jerk. It’s none of your business about how much money he has. Wealth brings unseen problems too - like having to deal with jealous fools

Its obviously important to your friends self esteem to believe he has and is working hard for what he has. Otherwise you're quite right, he'd jack the job in and live off his privilege. If he's a decent enough person, and not one of these who goes round spouting about disadvantaged people not working hard enough, if he's kind, generous and puts something back into the world that's been so good to him...well I'd allow him his delusion, as its not hurting anyone. (Which is more than can be said of his excess properties, but that's another topic!)
Most people have a need to feel they are making a contribution, are achieving something to make their life feel like it means something, I'd give him that if he were a decent person.

Who are you to tell him what he is and how to live?

If he does have a lot of money/assets, he probably socialises with people who have a lot more assets, who have bigger homes, cars, boats, or easy entry into top restaurants/shows, spend thousands on an outfit, etc.

It's all relative.

He might think if his parents had been smarter, he'd never have to have a job.

Everyone in the UK incredibly privileged - of any race, gender or income - if you want to compare yourself to someone else in another country.

So it sounds like you had more of an argument than a debate.

He wouldn't accept your point of view. You don't know how hard he's worked or what his challenges have been or what his aspirations are.

But you're honestly going to end a friendship because you have different interpretations of the word "privileged"???

Did you admit during the argument that you were privileged?

his wealth or lack there of it is none of anyone’s business!

ive been unemployed since September— should i be defriended??

I wouldn't fall out over this. This is his opinion. You also have your opinion. It's a non issue x

Exactly this. Perhaps this friend is privileged, most of us in the first world are, but everything is relative and IMO what's more important is being a decent person. There's lots of wealthy privileged people who have no awareness of their privilege and who treat other people as lesser if they're not as fortunate. On the flip side, there are also wealthy, privileged people who are very conscious and aware of that and who use their privilege and wealth to help others and make the world a better place (granted they're probably a minority). Surely you can still be friends with someone from a different class/background as long as your values are similar ? I think it's when your values completely diverge and you realise someone is not the person you thought they were, that it can be difficult to maintain a friendship or relationship....not impossible though with a little bit of tolerance and understanding.Maybe you could help your friend to realise how privileged they are and encourage them to help others less fortunate?

What has money got to do with friendship? How he sees it , how you see it is each if you prerogatives. If you cant hit common grounhd is it a friendship anyway.?

I am old, I have richer friends and poorer friends. If you want to stay friends that's fine but if you run out of steam and want to move on then that is fine too. One cannot keep up with everyone, choices need making. Don't judge others and don't judge yourself harshly either. Just do what it takes to get by in this tricky world. It's worth hanging on to folk who can be bothered though, lots cannot. Simple x

That comment was intended to make him feel uncomfortable, wasn't it? In "normal" friendship group one would not put that question out.

He’s not being asked to justify his privilege, though?

He’s given a political opinion and someone has basically said - “but can you see how it might be different for people who haven’t inherited several million pounds?”

You’re so up yourself it’s a wonder you see the sun ever shine. What a load of drivel.

This man was blindsided by someone who called themselves a friend. It was they who brought the subject up, not he. Why should he have to justify the ‘privilege’ he worked hard for ?

He wouldn’t have had to if a very rude ‘friend’ hadn’t asked.

Deeply disappointing that the OP creates such an unkind thread and doesn't even bother to come back and engage. Hopefully the responses have given them food for thought and makes them change their shallow attitude.

Giving him the benefit of the doubt…. It’s easy to get into your own bubble and not realize how much of a bubble it is… I grew up in a family with income in top 1-5%, my parents have wealth that would put them in the 1%. DH and I have income and net worth that would certainly put us in the 5%… but so does everyone around us. DH is considerably better paid than me and I sometimes get glimpses from other people I work with that suddenly makes our level of privilege glaring, but on a daily basis it just feels very ordinary. We had a nanny, our DC is at a private school etc etc. I don’t feel especially well off. Other families at DC’s school are much better off than us and we have one of the cheapest houses in our neighborhood 🤷‍♀️.

I think it is about poor social skills and empathy.
We all need to judge what we say based on those around us. I would not go on about how happy my marriage is to a friend who is newly widowed. I would not go on about how brilliant having children is to a friend who just found out she is infertile. When you are around people who are poorer than you you have to be aware of that. So saying you have to work when others clearly could live their life with your money without ever working. Saying I do not need to work to live, but I want to have a more expensive lifestyle so I need to work to afford that, is being far more aware.

They will never have "enough"
I cant stand wealthy people trying to justify their skintness

I think "not who they thought they were" is a bit dramatic. In these circumstances the friend was blindsided by a rude question/comment and defended himself. Perhaps clumsily but still within reason. If he was swanning around every day complaining about how hard his life was I'd agree.

I work in Financial Services. Plenty of 6 and 7 figure salaries. Yes, the people who do those jobs work hard, but anyone who thinks it's a level playing field to get into most £200k jobs is delusional. Privilege isn't just whether your wealth/security is unearned or due to hard work, it's about what opportunities you have open to you to capitalise on with that hard work.

I am honest with myself about my own privilege, from clean water and safe rule of law upwards. I would think less of someone who did not recognise their own privilege because it speaks to someone who is, I'm afraid, a little dishonest with themselves.

I'm guessing that it is this rather than the wealth itself that has put the OP off their friend - they have realised their friend is not who they thought they were.

Oh yes, absolutely! I just mean when the privileged friend says he's not that well off, I'd just say "You're having a laugh, aren't you?!" or "Don't be a wanker, of course you are." But that's probably because I wouldn't care whether he was rich/privileged or not, and he wouldn't be my friend if we couldn't enjoy a bit of banter about this sort of thing. I feel sorry for him getting all defensive, that's what you do when you feel judged. And there's no room for that kind of judgement, based on economic status of all things, in a true friendship.

I think the you are just jealous comments in contexts like this are from the hard of thinking.

But in this instance the OP should be saying that to the third party that threw the hand grenade into the conversation?

I cant remember the name of it, but there is a psychological theory which says people often underestimate the amount of help they have had in getting to where they are, and overestimate the amount of success is based on their own efforts.