Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

Honest truth is, we socialise with and are best friends with people we see often and have similar lifestyles. Not exclusively ( I’ve got friends from all backgrounds) but generally.
I haven’t and wouldn’t, drop friends because their circumstances change. I haven’t dropped the friends I was referring to. The point I was making is that you drift apart because it’s harder to stay close friends when your lifestyles are not the same.
Having said that, I and most people definitely go the extra mile for a friend who is having a hard time.

Would you say the same about someone who suddenly became poor? Disabled? Would you drop them in the same way because their life has changed?
My life changed dramatically when I had a disabled child. I’m glad my friends didn’t drop me because I can no longer do the things I used to do. They go off on exotic holidays/weekend breaks etc while I’m at home with my disabled child, but I’m still the same person and it would be pretty shit if they dropped me just because I can’t do the things they do.

Hmm. I observe people change when they have unearned wealth. Perhaps it’s more that you just don’t have much in common anymore apart from the shared past. Perhaps this is how it is, if your friend also had a 9 to 5 job you would be closer with more shared experiences.
We have friends whose daughter married in to great wealth. They have a 6bed house in the grounds with staff who clean and maintain it. Their holidays are by private jet. they chose which car they are using from a fleet.
Over years we just have seen less of them because our lives are different, we haven’t dropped each other as friends but we are not the same anymore.
Just let things develop rather than “dropping him” He’s not a twat, his life has changed though.

Agree - discussing finances is rude and makes people feel singled out. Because I lost my parents in my 20s people are always assuming I'm loaded from inheritance - poking around for info on it and leaving me with the tab if we go for drinks, Zoopla'ing how much our family home sold for - they don't realise inheritance tax is 40%, there were massive care debts etc. They act as well if I'm lucky my parent died and I haven't earned anything for myself and have endless money - which is completely untrue and unfair because I've only just received the small bit of inheritance 6 years later that I did receive (which I am grateful for), but believe me it's not a quantity that would make or break a person. People are so into jealously politics and have massive antipathy for those they believe to be rich - just let them live their lives, their finances are none of your business and you don't know their struggles.

You don’t know how much the rentals and holiday homes cost or whether any of the properties are mortgaged. If anything, I’m surprised he hasn’t got more rental properties on £200k

If my doctor said I was overweight, it would be factual. If a friend was discussing your health and said you were overweight, it might be perfectly fair. If they use it as an insult that is different.
You can be fortunate and lazy or hard working.
You can be unfortunate and lazy or hard working.
Being fortunate is not an insult, we woudl do well to recognise how fortunate we are.

No-one thinks they are privileged, they think they earned it somehow.

It's an uncomfortable conversation and bound to put someone on the back foot as they feel they have to justify themselves.

I wouldn't excommunicate someone for that.

@Ukrainebaby23 I am fat. I will not deny reality.

Many wealthy people would believe that the only reason you are unemployed because you are a lazy scrounger. Their world always provides them with a fallback position if their line of work fails them and are blissfully unaware of anything different in other people's lives.

If someone called you fat or stupid you'd defend yourself?
I think its the same thing. And yes obviously IMO, he is privileged but doesn't necessarily mean he behaves "entitled".

If he's your friend, consider if you can tolerate the privileged gap between your lives, and then decide if you want to stay friends.

If he's someone you know, an acquaintance, I'd probably fade out.

He wasn't being asked to defend his lifestyle, just to acknowledge his luck in life. We had a friend who via a very privileged upbringing ended up with the obligatory £150k job thanks mostly to family connections etc and a private education, and gifted a small London flat from granny's estate, however adamantly believed that she was only just in the middle of the pack. I made the mistake of saying that "middle of pack was £25kpa (at that time) to which she replied that that was what road sweepers and Tesco workers were paid, never mind benefit scroungers that she was spending half her taxes on. I couldn't wear this attitude after it kept being repeated ad infinitum so eventually cut ourselves off.

You either like someone, or you dont, regardless of their wealth and attitudes to it. Decide which it is and go from there!

I don’t know why you bothered to have the discussion. If he has more than others , or less, is it really good manners to discuss it?

What does it really matter?

Oh gosh.. he’s a twat! Surely he knows you can work hard but still be very privileged. Hate people like this!

He’s a pratt but you don’t need to end your friendship!

Start looking a home sales way out of your reach and sighing, complain about the local state schools, your friends kids would love to play hockey but can’t etc - maybe he’ll appreciate he has more than others.

just curious- is he generous to his friends or acts like he can’t afford shit like the rest of us?

I’d end the friendship - Because I’d be jealous of his wealth and not want to be reminded of it all the time. If you don’t mind the fact of his privilege as you see it I don’t think it matters whether he thinks he earned it or not.

But that’s just me 💀

I once had a friend tell me I was privileged, my total household income was about £85k and we were DINKS (this was maybe 3 years ago), it wasn't said out of kindness or to generate discussion, it was said aggressively and said to try and prove that I was wrong. As such I got defensive. Compared to how I grew up I am VERY privileged and would happily acknowledge that in 99% of settings, but when it was put to me the way it was I argued back. They were so adamant, and so rude to me, it was the beginning of the end of a previously fairly close friendship.

Although I do believe your friend is incredibly privileged, maybe he felt attacked/backed into corner or perhaps that his own hard work (and it would be at £200k a year, even with a helping hand into a job etc) wasn't being recognised. I don't think this is worth ending a friendship over, if he hasn't previously done anything to upset you.

I think it depends on how you interpret ‘privilege’…
Telling someone they’re ‘privileged’ can be quite an insult. He obviously sees himself working continuously to support his child and secure her future…
whether he’s rich or not is not for anyone else to comment on… it’s in fact a bit rude.

For crying out loud, this bloke has a house worth £5million, 3 others he rents out and 2 holiday homes that sit empty most of the year. I think people need to give their heads a wobble. If this isn't privileged, we really have gone down a rabbit hole. He argued he wasn't privileged because he worked, like everyone else. His wealth comes from a family business that was sold. In other words, absolutely nothing he did himself. That is the very definition of privileged. No way he could afford all those assets on £200k a year. He's defensive because he knows none of it is down to him.

Wow some people are really touchy about their wealth! It's not enough for them to be grateful and happy to be among life's winners when it comes to wealth, they also need everyone else to agree how much they deserve it. Makes me think they don't feel quite as ok about it as they claim.

And what would him admitting he has “privilege” do other than allow you to feel morally superior?

Think it’s a shame that someone who has more money than someone else could have a friendship bought to an abrupt end just because he maintains the belief that he works hard and feels like he has to keep working for financial security. People are always looking for a reason to “cancel” people these days, I could understand if this friend was making racist or sexist comments, or had committed an actual crime, those type of things are of course a valid reason to end a friendship. The fact that you’re willing to end a friendship over just the fact that he has more money than you and believes that he works hard and couldn’t give up work smacks of jealousy and he’d be better off by the sounds of it.

This reminds me of my mother complaining that she needed to organise five separate kennel stays for her dogs throughout the year as she has so many holidays to go on . Meanwhile I’ve not been on one in 4 years. 🙄, she does my nut in

I am getting so bored of this privilege nonsense. There is always someone better and worse off than you, whilst you are still breathing at least. I think you should walk away from the person you refer to as a friend and choose friends who are less fortunate than yourself in every respect and then you can practice being smugly aware of your privilege - I'm sure you'll be much happier as will your "friend".

“I have one friend who is well off”… I can see why it’s only one…