Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

Lol - yeah, it does sound a bit pious reading back 😆

I can see why was upset by the conversation. The wealth is his parents' achievement. He needs to work and earns well, so he must have worked hard, whatever his background, to be able to get a job that enables that. Saying he's had it all handed to him invalidates his own life work and achievement for himself.

He might also be fortunate financially due to an accident of birth, but I'd rather be fortunate in health and those around me being well and healthy. No money can make up for those things.

Even if my parents handed me a million tomorrow (ha! Won't happen), I'd consider that lucky but there are other things I've experienced in life that make me much less privileged than many. Someone telling me how easy I have it is invalidating all the significant battles I'd had to fight, and still do. I'd be moving onto friends who understood that.

OP, One of my best friends inherited the family farm - literally. With probably 15 rental properties. She also 'married well', although not someone I would choose to share a house with.

She works her arse off and has her problems, just the same as I do. We are friends, equals. The fact she's probably worth millions (in trust) is irrelevant. I value her for her kindness, and her humour. Why should she have to parade her 'guilt' for an accident of birth? That's horrible. Her finances are none of my business.

God you must be fun at parties

My question would be is he a good friend to you OP? Good friends are worth their weight in gold.

he Sounds very out of touch and unsavoury, I have an distant in law who likes to profess how ‘hard up’ they are, but constantly brags about how much they earn as how much they spend, 20 grand holiday, 100 a week on wine etc, it’s highly unsavoury. I don’t think it’s polite to discus money so ignore but I’m itching to say do you want to know how much I earn! How much my weekly food budget is, you are so out of touch and dare to main about being hard up!

Why on earth would you end the friendship because of that?

Someone living on a council estate in England might not realise how privileged they are compared to someone being physically attacked in Sudan. So what? Reason to end the friendship?

Only if you yourself are a heartless person who was never their real friend in the first place.

Who starts pontificating about what their friend could afford if they downsized, to win an argument about how privileged they are? That's really intrusive. Even if he doesn't get how fortunate he is, it's incredibly rude to start dissecting someone's finances like that because of a disagreement over politics.

I think the issue with Op is that she’s gone from being friends with the guy to suddenly deciding he’s “a twat” based on a single exchange in which her friend was trying to defend himself to a third party. If this guy genuinely was a friend, I think that’s pretty poor.

Exactly. Nearly everyone could be described as privileged to someone else.

If the friend earns £200k a year that is likely to be a pressured job. So he's not just sitting at home playing tiddly winks. And as the well paid on MN would tell you, lifestyle expands to fit salary.

“I make my own luck” says male born into wealth.
I couldn’t be doing with that lack of awareness and insight in a friend and would say why. He will be defensive and deflective (“you are jealous”) but ask him to reflect on his true beliefs - does he think he works harder than everyone else? Is cleverer? More deserving? Why does he think this.

Does it take you long to polish that halo?

I honestly don’t see why people are calling you jealous, utter nonsense and the usual immediate response by those who don’t want to see the point you are making.
If someone was purely jealous they likely would not be friends in the first place.
I have a wealthy friend myself who genuinely believes life is a level playing field and she has millions because she is clever/ worked when in fact huge inherited wealth and privilege has shaped her life. I love her dearly but some of the things she says are at complete odds with reality so I do my best to provide an alternative view with information of the lives and struggles of those who haven’t had her enormous advantages. In credit to her she does listen and is beginning to reflect a little. Because we are such good friends we can talk about anything and everything to both our benefit but in response to your point OP if I had a very wealthy friend who refused to see their advantage at all I think I would not want to continue that relationship.

You may find that he has already decided to end the friendship with you.

This whole situation is why it's generally considered rude/a bad idea to talk about money. Someone always gets upset.

Does he work? I’m not clear from your post whether it’s rental income or a work place income. It’s ridiculous that he doesn’t see but if he works a 9-5 job then the wealth may not impact his daily life in a way that’s obvious to him. He might well feel like everyone else. It’s very, very frustrating though if he doesn’t see how lucky he is. I wouldn’t end the friendship but I wouldn’t shy away from telling him things are different for you when it’s relevant.

This bloody word ' privilege' again .
Privilege is everywhere , someone is always more privileged than someone else get used to it .

I'm sure he's aware he could move house, doesn't need OP to point it out. Did he ask for their advice? Or was the poor bloke just trying to defend himself after it seems like the OPs friend brought it up to criticise him. Probably the sort of "friendship" where you get shot down for having any opinion because you "don't know what it's like to struggle" blah blah, who needs bitter friends with big fat chips on their shoulders like that.

Ypur other friend is rude and obnoxious for bringing up you 'rich' friends wealth in the first place. No wondee he became defensive; how ignorant to do such a thing
You are now reflecting on your rude friend's comment and thinking they are correct...
I think your wealthy friend is better off without you and anyone else you know

I'm from a free school meals household, grew up poor but went to a grammar school, university in the 80s, and have done ok. Never a 6 figure income but comfortable.

Yet some people at my last job accused me of being posh, entitled etc which was ridiculous. Everyone has a different upbringing and a different normal. Wealth is not only measured in financial terms. And they had no idea of my true financial status.

Just because he is asset-wealthy, he may still work extremely hard, most of the rich people I know, do. He has his worries and his inadequacies the same as the rest of us. And you don't know what debts he also has.

In the end, his finances are none of your business, talking about money is distasteful and a bad idea, exactly because it leads to these sorts of problems.

If you continue in this vein, you will end up with very few friends.

Privilege is relative. You're welcome to think what you like about your friend's finances but he's entitled to his opinion about his reality. What a silly reason to sever ties. You sound like a terrible friend.

Exactly this.

Yes, definitely break off a friendship because your friend isn't miserable about being wealthy and because he sees his work as being equally valuable to the work of poorer people. He needs right-thinking people around him, so you'd be doing him a favour.

You sound bitter and jealous. If I was him I'd be ending the friendship with you.

People mentally exaggerate their own part in any success and minimise others’ contribution. He’s not a monster. It’s just what people do.
If you can’t stand him then back away. Only you know whether he’s a nett positive in your life. Telling him why you can’t stand him is unlikely to do any good.