Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

I'm sure he's very aware he's in a fortunate position, but it doesn't sound like he's has much luck where his friends are concerned.

How would you feel if someone with less than you started lecturing you on how fortunate you were? Honestly wouldn't blame him from dropping you both like a stone.

People always look up in terms of wealth and privilege. We generally compare ourselves to those who have more. not less. It's so easy to assume your situation is average or deserved, or because of your own good sense, work ethic and choices. Always easy to see someone we perceive has more, has it easier etc. We rarely look down and think how privileged we are. It's human nature. Your friend is just doing what most people do.

Feelings are feelings. If he felt frustrated at his parents' lack of good investment, then so be it. Wouldn't everyone feel frustrated knowing their parents made poor decisions with the outcomes of their hard work?

If you aren't able to allow him space to feel the things he feels, without judgement then you aren't a good friend to him so yeah end it.

I think that if he works as well ,he is not getting 200k sat about on his arse! If everyone was "equal"we might as well live in bloody China. If hes a good friend ,then I would probably ditch the other "friend" who is clearly jealous! I think this is the problem with being wealthy ,people will be jealous .However I look at wealth, slightly differently to others. Nice friends ,good health, a lovely dog, family and so on.A friend said yesterday that we are all obsessed with who has "more"that we dont notice our own privileges.He clearly could do with some non judgmental "friends! Look just enjoy his company if you want to .Jealously is a no attractive trait!

Yes he is privileged and doesn’t realise it but why would you end friendship over it?? Whats the big deal?

I think firstly it depends on how the other friend made the comment as it may have rubbed him up the wrong way and secondly that (as PP says) it does undermine his actual job a bit. He clearly has a decent job. He is very privileged and he should see that but I do wonder what was said. Also maybe he does have to work as how would he pay for the nanny or send the child to
school etc

The friendship is making you feel inadequate. Whether or not you are right to feel this way is beside the point. He does sound s bit of a pain tbh. It really is grim when folk talk about how much money they have. Or even worse pleading poverty on £250k a year like some on here.

Sounds like he was being attacked for his parents good business acumen. He rents properties out for money which I'm sure does take time, was time consuming enough for one flat!) He is privileged but doesn't need a lecture from so called friends, so no I would not end friendship but I would reconsider that position if his politics is tone deaf to the way ordinary people live

Totally agree with this.

Op sounds very jealous. If he's a valued friend, the amount of money and how he got it, shouldn't matter to you.

You sound jealous , that’s why it’s bothering you so much. It’s just a conversation that shouldn’t require getting so worked up over. Probably better for him if you step away

But not everyone recognises it which I think was OP's point.

People like to feel they can be themselves and comfortable with their friends. You have decided to put a condition on your friend ship ‘I don't care about how much he has as long as he knows he's privileged’

like you feel that he deserves to have you teach him a lesson

how would you feel if he decided you needed to think X and he was going to try and make you?

no friend is perfect and it’s up to you if what you see as his faults is something you can live with or not

but no don’t try and teach him a lesson - that’s not what friends are for

I'm trying to comprehend how he is as wealthy as you say due to a company sold in the mid 2000's when we aren't yet past the first quarter of the century. Are you time travellers?

If you meant the mid noughties, it's reprehensible he was made to defend himself. I take my hat off to him for having a work ethic and not eroding his capital. He's far more in touch than a trustafarian who doesn't work, but if with a £10m "fortune" they don't, the fortune will erode.

Ultimately, we have to respect our true friends. You don't respect him and frankly, he now knows it. I bet if you don't contact him, he won't contact you.

Your friend was wrong to criticise him in that way. What’s he supposed to do, apologise for his wealth at the beginning of every conversation?

Unfortunately, this is exactly why wealthy people end up hanging around with other wealthy people. Then people complain about snobbery or cliques etc.

Everyone wants to be friends with someone who ‘gets’ them, not someone who’s taking swipes at them or resenting their background.

Your other friend owes him an apology to be honest.

Just out of interest, look at Lady Edwina Grosvenor for an example of someone using huge wealth and privilege in a constructive way.

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lady_Edwina_Grosvenor

She is pretty impressive, but she could just lead a life of relaxation and leisure if she wanted - and she would still deserve to have friends who don’t take swipes at her!

And what about you - do you use your own relative privilege to help those less fortunate than yourself? Or do you just enjoy what you have and look after your own family? Because that is no better or worse than what your friend is doing.

It is all about perspective. If his current wealth is all he has personally know, it is his norm, and bench mark. Saying he should stop working devalues what he does, and his meaning for contributing to society. If he is on 200k a year he is clearly working hard and has invested time into his career.

It sounds like a lot of judgement is being cast his way.

Of course he wouldn't admit it - because then the next thing is you say he isn't allowed a view on xyz because he doesn't understand it cos he's rich.

if the friendship group is mixed, ie some very well off, some comfortable, some just getting by, I can see why he's downplayed his level of wealth. He might not want to flaunt it knowing how much some people are struggling and also might not want to deal with people asking him for a loan, pick up every drinks tab or invest in a business etc.

But, he knows he's rich, you know he's rich, he's not really kidding anyone.

You do seem to know a lot about his properties and how much they're worth, so I guess he's made this information available.

The thing about friendship is ..... do you like this person ? or not ? If the negatives outweigh the positives then back off for those reasons.

On the other hand, to end a friendship with someone because they own more houses than you is probably also a good idea because nobody needs jealous friends.

Maybe I’m missing something but I’m not reading anywhere how this friend could have felt under attack. The only part directly about events which transpired that I can see is here:

“Tonight we were talking about politics etc. when a friend mentioned that he is extremely privileged.”

It’s not an attack to call someone privileged, and to do so doesn’t negate the fact they’ve worked hard. But I think sometimes when people hear ‘privilege’ in one area they can assume it’s negating anything else that may have happened in their lives. As the child of an alcoholic parent who lost my youngest brother to suicide, I could imagine being frustrated for example if someone told me my upbringing was ‘privileged’ and yet, i still went to a great school and grew up in a decent part of the uk and could access the privileges that afforded me so i should recognize this in comparison to many others. I think it’s good to work on our ego responses at times like this to realise that 2 things can be true at once, having privilege in one area does not negate having struggle in another.

I think the takeaway here is that, if it’s your mate, you want to listen and not assume the worst on both sides, and this is where learning and growth happens through opennesss i guess. But if he’s getting the hump and you’re calling him a twat so easily, maybe there’s not much of a friendship either of you feel like working on

You and your other friend sound jealous. I think he was in a no-win situation. His financial situation should be nobody else's business. And he shouldn't feel the need to defend himself to anyone. His parents were obviously hardworking, smart people. He, despite his wealth, is also hardworking and is not sitting back living off the money that came his way due to his parents hard work and good business sense.

If he was doing that I'm sure you and the other friend would have some other comment about how much of a twat he is.

Maybe ending the friendship is for the best. But not because he's the twat.

When it comes to money I try not to make judgements. I was born into poverty and am not well off now, but compared to where I started I am “privileged” in many ways. When I talk about my struggles people from my early days have no sympathy because I own my own home and car and am now highly educated. I feel that most of us don’t really understand wealth. We think someone with more (in your case much more) than us is privileged and should shut up in the face of our own privations, but I am not so sure. It’s like a moral judgement.

I'm struggling financially, especially this month, but I needed this reality check for perspective. Thank you. Genuinely, it's good to remember. Running water and a bed.

if the entire world's population was lines up in order of privilege and wealth, I suspect the difference between him and you would be a measly couple of percent, if that. You have access to drinking water? flushing toilets? health care? education? food? shelter? electricity?

Check your own privilege.

How awful someone is better off than you. End the relationship immediately.

YABU - we are all ridiculously insanely privileged and never throw half a thought at it. You understand less than half the world's population has access to a flushing toilet right? How many toilets are reserved exclusively for the sole use of just your family? If the answer is one or more, you are in the richest 20% of the world, and enjoying wealth beyond the wildest dreams of most.

I presume he has other qualities you enjoy and not just one minor disagreement over money?
Best just to stay away from the money chat. People seem to drop friendships so easily nowadays.
Obvious he’s incredibly privileged but sounds like he wants to be seen as working hard too.