Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

This in spades.

If he is otherwise a good person, I would cut him some slack. And perhaps avoid talking money/finances? In the grand scheme of things what will you gain if he admits he is privileged? Am betting you will not find the satisfaction or validation or whatever it is you are seeking.

If on the other hand, he thinks every poor person deserves it or needs to be shot to improve the per capita gdp (I see no evidence he feels that way) then end the friendship. You don't have to explain. Might be a tad sanctimonious

@NeverEnoughPants Where does it say he was put on the spot?

The OP said they were discussing politics which lead to another friend commenting he was privileged. I inferred that to mean a conversation & view lead to that comment rather than it coming out of nowhere. I could be wrong though.

This thread is bonkers. Being reminded of your privilege isn’t an attack, it isn’t a demonstration of jealousy. The OP and her friend didn’t expect him “to parade (his) guilt” or look miserable. All they were looking for was a “yeah, I know, I was really lucky”. And if he is so blinkered to not see that luck then he’s unlikely to be someone I’d be able to call a friend.

That goes for the millionaires I know and the non-millionaires. It’s not about their money, it’s about their perspective.

It sounds like you're on different pages. No need to make a big production of it just bow out.

Gracefully.

In that instance, op would be inviting comments from strangers on her financial situation, so people commenting on it is reasonable.

In the situation getting discussed, there was no such invitation. The man with the houses was put on the spot by supposed friends. He didn't ask for comments, they were unsolicited, pointed and unnecessary.

It's not the same.

Totally agree with this.

I would add that from what you describe your group were pestering him repeatedly about his wealth as if he had not made any effort and was living of his parents, which is unfair as he is working at a high level and making good money out of it.

Having a 5 million house is not the same as having 5 million in your current account. He can only use that money if he sells it and I bet it costs a an absolute fortune to maintain.

The fact that most of us are not blessed with equally good fortune does NOT mean that we can look down on him.

This.

I live in an agricultural area where it's not uncommon for families to own huge wealth through farm ownership but they wouldn't necessarily think of themselves as wealthy or live an extravagant life. Depending on your views on capitalism, your friends family created wealth and employment. They eventually reaped the rewards of this and your friend is enjoying the benefits of their endeavours.
Why get hung up on his wealth or concern yourself with it.

Don’t see why you would need to point out his privilege or not in a friendly chat amongst friends. Do you point out people’s lack of privilege aswell in your group? Seems bizarre to me. It’s not got much to do with the general political picture. Just vote whoever you all want to and keep political chat impersonal. It’s not about who has what in the room you’re in. Tbh I would think he is likely to not want to spend as much time with you all now - if he has had to defend himself to this degree I expect he will feel uncomfortable.

What way would you like him to be showing his awareness persistently.

Are you white/male/able bodied/heteronormative/etc because if any of the above, how are you demonstrating your awareness to everyone lest they think you unaware?

The OP is getting exactly the response their behaviour deserves! She and another friend have essentially buddied up to pick on this man, put him in a situation where there’s no way he can “win”, which has pushed him into having to defend himself and she’s now criticising him for that!

It’s actually quite encouraging that most responders here can see that wealthy friend has been mistreated in this situation.

I agree with you OP.

I have a similar friend. I genuinely don't care if you're loaded and privileged but what I cannot bear is the absolute lack of awareness.

He’s defending himself because he’s probably beaten over the head with it daily!! You should never keep a friendship going if it irritates you that he’s in a different position to uou and you can’t at least just say ‘that’s the way it is’. I think if people ask ‘should I end a friendship’ then you weren’t friends anyway or just aren’t anymore, Id hate to think anyone would ask that question about me!!

Doesnt matter how wealthy you are, should our so called FRIENDS be criticising us to strangers in a public forum

Well in that case most MNs threads wouldn’t exist since people criticise their partners, parents & children here!

I’m old school so never discuss money.
Your post shows YOUR values though and as you seem to be valuing the financials over the friendship maybe it would be better for him if you called it a day.
Doesnt matter how wealthy you are, should our so called FRIENDS be criticising us to strangers in a public forum 🤷‍♀️

Someone who chooses to only have friends who are poor are virtue signalling twats. Identity politics is virtue signalling nonsense.

I’m not sure why the OP is getting such a hard time, clearly he is privileged & much has come from parents. A 200k job doesn’t get you 10m in property.

If the OP had started a thread saying she earned 100k but was finding there wasn’t much spare she would be told to check her privilege!

i dont think you are being unreasonable, i had the same. man i know has multiple properties and about 22 mil in assets. He works but he was also gifted his very first few houses from parents. I would say Priviliged, hes never had to struggle or worry that he might struggle, so i would say that is Privilege.

Most people are privileged in comparison to someone else. I’m sure there are people who look at you @Selman and can’t believe the luck that fell in your lap. Don’t be bitter.

Is that 200k after tax or before? However, if that 200k is after tax don't read on. Hes fine haha

If he has expenses, private school, nanny, houses that need maintenance men then after tax I can see a lot of that gone already.

Asset rich, cash poor. I know 200k is a lot but almost 50% of that is tax. Then what, 20k school fee's? 20k - 35k on a nanny?

Household fee's for his main home - at 5 mil I'd say that's a big house that costs a lot to run, does he pay people to maintain his other houses? That's a salary's for every house manager / maintenance guy / housekeeper

Not the same as the usual problems, but when you have "money" you also end up with a lot "thing so that cost a lot.

I think the OP is getting a really hard time here. They mention that they were discussing politics and yes, whilst we are all privileged to a degree, of course our life experience changes our perspective. When it comes to politics it is that perspective which shapes who we vote for and subsequently the policy and practice of how our society runs. It is important.

I have many friends and family who believe they have worked hard for their success and that's it's as simple as that. They all have inherited wealth which has made their plight so much easier (farmer inheriting his farm, SAHM gifted property which provides her a private income which enables her to stay at home). Their lack of recognition of this makes them believe that everyone has the same opportunity as them and if we all worked hard enough then we could achieve the same. We all know the reality is not that simple.

OP I wouldn't drop the friendship but if I found myself in the right context of discussion I would certainly provide challenge.

Someone isn’t automatically a twat just because they haven’t, as yet, had their consciousness raised to their privilege. It can take time. If he is a kind and decent person, then he’s not just ‘a twat’ – why would you be friends with him if he were? People are multi-faceted.

Yes, you should end your friendship with him. He deserves better than to have to put up with people which have a go at him over his circumstances when it wasn’t even him who brought it up, but a third “friend” who sounds like they were trying to stir up trouble! Poor bloke!