Unaware of privilege - end friendship?

"Now generally I don't care how well off or not someone is"

Apparently they do.

is he a “twat” or are you just jealous?

@Opinionwontchangeluv

"Everyone wants to be a victim and act like they come from struggle because it's cool"

Everyone wants to act like their achievements are entirely their own because they feel like acknowledging that they have had help/privilege diminishes their achievements.

The number of people who even in the media are described as "self made" who are anything but is really interesting.

I did spit my tea out when someone called Kylie Jenner a self made billionaire though.

Help others

Everyone wants to be a victim and act like they come from struggle because it's cool
If I came from money I would be happy and unapologetic but of course hell others when I could

Pity OP hasn't come back to clarify the discussion and whether some of out responses are based on our own misconceptions on how it all went down.

OK, so we winy be friends in real life. We have different viewpoints. 🤷‍♀️

See, as a white European woman with a pretty descent career I would absolutely not tolerate the concept of privelege thrown into my face by a "friend". Whether I am aware of it or not is in fact secondary; one ought to have a sense of tact and be polite.

Maybe much of what people have or don't recognise that they have is that they are always comparing up, rather than down.

How much privilege people have and how much gratitude they have for said privileges is out of your control, so it's not worth getting hung up on. You're much better looking after your own financial goals/gratitude levels. I feel wealthy partly because I've created a life with low outgoings. Many of my richer friends feel less wealthy as they live in London where living costs are high and would probably have to move out straight away if they lost their job whereas where I am is so cheap I would probably have some time to sort myself out into a new job without falling to much into debt/getting evicted etc. although on paper I'm less well off, I'm actually under a lot less financial pressure and I'm more time rich too so can grow/cook food. I'll always give a listening ear if someone is venting about financial pressures whatever their situation - I have a friend who is rich and low outgoings - the problem is their spending habits, but as they're in a bit of a downward spiral they are probably more in need of kindness than advice at the mo, so I'll maybe broach it when they are feeling better.

If you want to look it up its called "self attribution bias".

Sadly people who are privileged very rarely realise the impact that it has had on their lives.

There is a very well known poster here who consistently repeats that she never had any help, that she made it on her own and set out to get a job that would earn her over 100 pounds an hour.

The privately educated daughter of a practice owning GP.

Well no eggshells are necessary @Animatic. Because as a rule, we all choose friends who have similar views or who can at least respect our own. So the chances are that a rich, white person with lots of privilege who also thinks that they got where they are entirely on talent and hard work and who gets defensive if asked about their privilege is less likely to be my friend in the first place. Just like racist people wouldn't need to tip toe around me because we wouldn't be friends from the start.

Other people don't see this sort of thing as important so they'll find friends who also don't care and who care about the same things they do. Good. Everyone should have friends.

So basically your friends should walk on egg-shells as god-forbid they would not "acknowledge their privilege " as you deem appropriate 😓

It’s amazing how different people view wealth.
my son has a decent salary, built his own home, has a mortgage and a nice lifestyle for him his wife who also works and his children.
When with friends one evening he said to the group we are all wealthy as he compared his and their lifestyle to being in work, being able to afford holidays etc.
many disagreed. They give generously to charity and try to do their bit in the community.
They looked at things differently and maybe this person does too although it looks to me like he's pretty wealthy

I agree - I have friends on 6× my salary and friends on a half my salary. To be honest I rarely think about it. I respect the high earners because their tax pays for so much education/life saving operations. I respect the low earners as they take care of some of the toughest jobs - nursing/teaching etc. Ultimately it's up to me to work to the financial goals I want to reach and same goes for everyone else.

I wouldn't make someone feel guilty for being privileged

well no, of course not. But this concept comes up occasionally and I'd expect people to acknowledge it. And let's face it, at the time of an election is when it does tend to come up more. I'm white and South African. I have a better education and had a better start than many other people as a result. I also experienced some bias against me when I moved to England because I am not English. So I have a personal experience of privilege and no privilege in these two minor examples. I can acknowledge that.

I am not interested in being friends with anyone who attacks me for being a white South African who grew up in Apartheid (I've met a few of those over the years) but I absolutely 100% acknowledge my privilege and would do so if it comes up in conversation.

Weird to assume the issue is the friend's wealth rather than the friend's lack of self awareness.

As I said upthread, I am brown. I don't ambush my white friends and constantly remind them of their privilege. That's not friendship to me, backing them into a corner and attacking them.

Anyway poster clearly meant to be goady.

It is amazing to me how few people understand this concept of privilege. It's the same when white people get outraged because they're reminded they have "white privilege" and they then tell us all the reasons their life has been hard and can't see that those are all true, but they have not struggled because of the colour of their skin.

Your friend absolutely is privileged. He shouldn't be attacked for that, but I do understand the frustration of dealing with someone who has no idea how this family wealth has smoothed his life out in many ways (while not, of course, removing the need to work or completely taking away the bad).

A free pass for what? Having a decent income and investments?

I think I would get defensive if someone made comments about my financial position too.
Personally whether someone else is privileged or not is not my business.
If you can't cope with a fiend who has a lot more than you maybe you should move on

It just sounds unnecessarily passive aggressively rude

when you attack people they instinctively become combative

Why give him a free pass? His main house is worth £5million. I don't think he's mortgaged to the hilt with several buy to lets, or that they're two up two downs in a run down part of the country.

£200k doesn't cut you the slack to buy these assets, unless you're leveraged to the eyeballs and bought them a good while ago.