To want to do something with just my kids?

Didn't say the biological kids have to 'feel the misery' at all, just an answer to the ludicrous arguments that 'well ex doesn't take OP's kids on holiday, do they' and 'well it's not fair as SC gets a holiday with HER mum'.

But stepmums and OP do what you feel like doing. But to not include a child you have 'cared for' (if that's what OP did), since they were a toddler, it would at least have been nice to have asked her if she wanted to come along.

Another one for stepmum bingo; your kids are privileged to have parents who are together, so sod them - they don’t need one on one time with you, and even if they do, they should have to know how it feels to have a less than perfect life, as this is how DSC feel, so it’s only fair to spread misery. DSC should be put first, at all times, this is what YOU signed up for!!

Thankfully, you can just not do this, and enjoy life with your DC when you want. Enjoy your holiday, OP

That isn’t what they sign up for, no. You may want to believe they do, but that doesn’t actually oblige anyone.

That the stepdaughter has to travel between her parents isn’t the fault of OP and her kids, and it’s not something they’re required to compensate for either.

By the way I totally agree I would not be taking her away on my own either if I was in your position, perhaps in the uk yes but abroad alone no but I think she should be offered the same opportunity as your children with her dad (as he is her parent)

I think @LilyPanda because she is older, lots of parents that are still together take the kids away one at a time too it's not that unusual. The kids aren't all going to like the same thing and it would be nice for her to have some one on one time with her dad. Is her mum taking her away? Not everyone can afford it and maybe this is why she's asking?

yeah actually yeah. If someone absolutely have to enter a relationship where there are kids, yes, you do 'sign up to it'. That's the decent thing.

For those who are saying, but SC gets to go away with her real mum, that's not fair on the OP's 'biological' children. But OP's kids don't have to go from one home to the other so they are massively advantaged anyway having both their parents under one room.

@LilyPanda is her mum taking her away on a summer holiday?

If so, it's less of an issue. All kids are getting a holiday in the summer.

If not, then yes I think it would be nice for her dad to take her on a short break away. Nice for her to have some one on one time with her dad, and to show her she's also worth spending money on for a trip away.

To be honest, even if she is going away with her mum that would be a nice thing to do. And you might say, well why should she get two summer trips when my kids are only getting one? But she's had to grow up with her parents separated and splitting her time between two homes, so it's ok if sometimes the scales weigh in her favour a bit.

She's not being excluded from the family. It's not a family holiday. She's going on the family holiday later this year.

It's the equivalent of DH insisting he has to be there every time I pop round to see my parents. Yes there is a relationship there, he's their son in law, they are all very fond of each other etc.
But my relationship with my own mum and dad is my business and to be honest I'd hate if I wasn't allowed to spend time with them on my own.

I've already said how OP's kids not going on holiday with ex is a different matter because they aren't family and ex didn't choose them. OP married a father. She chose to involve herself with a family and add to it. DSD is not invited despite wanting to go- the definition of excluded, from her own family. Some think that's fair. I don't. I've already said all of this, so rather than repeat myself further, I'm out.

Some of the hysterical shrieking on here from the hard of thinking is extraordinary.

@LilyPanda have a great holiday with your kids and a great family holiday with everyone later in the year. You're doing absolutely nothing wrong and sound like you're managing things pretty well in terms of meeting everyone's needs.

This is just nonsense. She’s not being excluded. DH’s ex gets time to spend with her own biological child and no one is suggesting that OP’s children are missing out because ex doesn’t take them on holiday with her even though they are half siblings. If DH was going on the holiday it would be different. OP is entitled to spend time bonding with her own children for a few days and in the meantime it shouldn’t be beyond DH to spend some one to one time with his own child.

She isn't being excluded from anything she should automatically be a part of though. She's not a part of OPs relationship with her own children. She's got her own relationships with OP, her Dad and her siblings.
And her own special relationship with her own mother who, hopefully, isn't allowing anyone to shoehorn their way into them spending time bonding time together either.

Nope. There is nothing at all signed up for when you marry someone who already had children. That’s for all of you to work out on your own.

It’s always said with an underlying tone of punishment; this is what YOU signed up for, so YOU should be doing it, even if YOU don’t want to, ha!

Disloyal of the child's father to marry someone who would exclude her. She is being excluded. Obviously we all have different opinions on whether that's fair. My opinion is that if you marry someone with kids, they're your family and you shouldn't divide them from the rest of the family. Of course it happens, but I think it's unkind.

Have a great time with your children. YANBU.

I can’t imagine any 16yo desperately wanting to go on holiday with their stepmother and 11yo and 12yo children. So either her mother is stirring or the 16yo sees this as a chance to ditch you the moment you get to the hotel. Or both!

I wouldn’t want to be responsible for an unrelated 16yo abroad, trying to bridge the age gap between the children each day and keep everyone happy.

Your DH needs to cut off comments like this from his ex and not pass them on to you.

Seems pretty cold to not include a girl you've known almost her whole life

This is what you signed up for when you became a stepmum

Could DH take DSD away for a weekend on his own? And then you all do something together too? This might be a compromise?

Disloyal to whom?
Nobody is being cheated out of anything they were owed or promises unfulfilled. What is the issue?
It should be a shock to nobody that OPs ultimate loyalty is to her own children, and having the chance for quality time focused on them sometimes.
I feel sad for kids who don't get this because of misplaced guilt of adults to be honest.

I mean - do what you want - the step child will have no say in what you do - so it’s no skin of your nose - why do you care? Sure she will be upset - sure she might feel left out - but honestly, what can she do? Nothing. It’s horrible for her I’m sure - but that’s life - it’s shit sometimes.

This

Why would a 16 year old want to go on holiday with her step-mum and 11 year old siblings? This is about your DH's ex just being jealous.

Of course you don't want to take her. You shouldn't have to be responsible for someone else's child and it completely changes the vibe. Instead of focusing on your own kids, you need to worry about how to entertain this 16 year old who doesn't even want to be there.