To want to do something with just my kids?

The op implies that the husband isn’t able to take time off work due to finances

Didn't say she did

I'm wondering why her DH won't do it and the implication appears to be that the family pot is for their nuclear family and I wondered if he had money he could use for his daughter.

No you're not selfish.

Your husband may find time to holiday with his daughter at another time.

Might work out well all around.

And what I get up to with my children is none of your business, there will be no further discussion of how I spend my time with you.

Ex is a disgrace.

I think it’s sadder that the child’s actual parents won’t step up and take her on holiday.

Just don't entertain any nonsense.

"No, this is a trip for me, X and Y. DH isn't coming so DSD won't be missing out on any contact with him."

So potentially even more reason to include her dd's half siblings in things if people want to make the argument for siblings spending time together / having shared experiences / bonding as siblings.

Not that I think either mother is wrong to take just her biological children away occasionally, just responding to those arguing that point.

I've not seen a single poster saying they were the other woman. I think you're letting your assumptions cloud your judgement.

‘I have an issue’ - yes, and as such it’s for you to deal with, it’s not anyone else’s problem.

Funnily enough I imagine people will continue to do what they like regarding who they get into relationships with, and will continue to decide for themselves what being a stepparent practically means for them. You may not like it, but oh well, you don’t have to. What you get to do is be mad about it, I guess.

However her dh is working, which I guess he needs to do so op can go on holiday with the children considering op they share money.

op is there an option for you to do overtime so your dh is able to take a few days off to take the children away?

Strange argument. The ex wife has not been raising the OP's kids from when they were toddlers and they have not at any point lived under her roof.

My view.

As I said, I have a real issue with those on here who entered into the relationship via an affair. Despise those situations, no need for them. Then they go on about 'angry ex-wives' - why shouldn't they be pissed off?

But just don't go into a relationship with a man with children. How hard is it to just avoid? I mean - come on!

Make sure DH has something fun to do with his daughter when she visits while you are away.

Thats for DH to sort out, not for OP to ‘make sure’. She doesn’t have to sort it because she is female.

Its my belief that once married, step-children should be treated as your own, as much as feasible.

Consequently, I think it's unreasonable. Poor girl will no doubt feel alienated and othered by this.

That's just my view though.

My DH’s exW used to say this. Then she spilt up with her husband, who had a daughter, so her step daughter and said she didn’t have capacity to help maintain the half siblings relationships. Fair enough, I thought. But it made her a hypocrite.

If your DH can't afford to take time off work then he isn't charging enough. I say that as a self employed person and an accountant. When you are self employed you need to charge enough to cover sick time and holiday time etc.

Aside from that, I think that DH should be going with you and taking your SD.

Sometimes yes. I have holidays with just my two children, sometimes I have holidayed with all of them. DH takes just his eldest, also sometimes takes two and leaves the youngest with me. A mix really. Sometimes he just takes the middle one and camps with his brother and one of his kids. It just depends what we’re doing. I certainly wouldn’t feel comfortable managing all 3 children swimming etc.

Yes to what ? You need to quote the post you’re replying to.

Yes.

Would you think it ‘sad’ that the ex doesn’t take OP’s children on holiday with her ? After all they are DSD’s half siblings. Ex gets to spend time with her biological children, why is so unfair that OP does the same ?

Or, and I know this will seem wild and unimaginable to you, she's not taking her because she wants to have quality time with her biological children.

DM has quality time with her biological children. DF has quality time with his biological children. Why is OP not entitled to the same? 'because that's what she signed up for when she married a man with children' isn't a good enough reason.

Also, a 16 year old abroad absolutely does need the same level of supervision and care as a younger child. In some respects more so, as they have far easier access to things like alcohol and night life. Then when DSD ends up drunk and lost abroad, OP would be hung out to dry by DM and DF for not supervising closely enough.

Why ? She married DH, she has no obligation to be a parent - DSD already has two. Visitation with the non-resident parent is to facilitate contact between parent and child, not step-parent and child. In this case DH is not going on the holiday - it would be totally different if he was. Why should OP feel obligated to take her DSD on a holiday she wants to use to spend time with her own biological children, in the same way that DH’s ex does with hers ?

Definitely this @LilyPanda.

I can completely see both sides and don’t know what to solution is, but it is sad you can’t organise to do something with your biological children. I know the rules probably change when you become a step parent, but if DSD gets one on one time with her biological parents, why can’t yours?

Why is it harder to justify if it’s paid for from the family pot ? If OP’s DH was going then yes, but it’s just OP. I doubt her DH’s ex takes OP’s kids on holiday with her.

So are comments about ‘you signed up to be a stepparent’, and extrapolating it to mean she’s obliged to consider her stepchild her daughter.

She signed up to be her husband’s wife, that’s it. She didn’t become responsible for his daughter, no matter how much you may want this to be true.