To want to do something with just my kids?

If it’s about ‘the sibling bond’ and no one should miss out on something their sibling gets to do, then it’s not a false equivalence at all.

The kids have different mothers. All of them get to go on holiday with their respective mothers. No one is missing out.

Not the point. The ex wife’s child is a half sibling to the OP’s children but strangely enough, no-one is suggesting that they go on holiday with the ex. I would agree with you if her DH was going, but he’s not, so this is not a family holiday. The OP is entitled to quality time with her biological children.

The ex wife does not have a relationship with the op's children, why would she?
OP has been in her dsd's life since she was a toddler.
It's a false equivalence.

"My child"? Assumptions there. I'm married with 2 children, both belonging to my husband. I was in a relationship with a man who had children previously. It was the reason it didn't work out. Kids come first.

To answer your question, this is a holiday, not a shopping trip/ cinema trip. If I spend one-to-one time with one of my children, I do the same with the other. I wouldn't dream of taking a holiday with one and leaving the other (who wants to go) behind.

Well in that case, it is not fair on the younger half siblings if the step daughter goes on holiday with her mum. I'm sure OP's DH pays child maintenance and maybe even gives his dd spending money or buys stuff for her if she goes on holiday with her mum. If he buys his eldest daughter something, does he also buy something for his younger children?

On the basis ex-wife doesn’t take your children away with her, and your DH isn’t coming, I’d say it was totally fine to take your kids away on your own. You don’t lose the right to have a private one to one relationship with your own kids just because their father has a child from a previous relationship.

Perhaps DH could do something special with DSD on his own (Alton towers, trip to London) - then there can be no perception of unfairness, surely?

@LilyPanda unless you and DSD have the same surname you might need quite a bit of paperwork to take her abroad as you are not her birth mum or dad. Sounds complicated even if you were to try

I think given the age gap and that she doesn’t live with you most of the time it’s fine. She won’t be interested in the same things as the younger ones and could well get bored which would make it stressful. I’d just explain to her mum that you’ll be doing stuff that’s too babyish for her, and get your DH to plan something nice for her soon.

Totally. Jeezo, some of the threads on here.

I don’t think you need to explain the finances of the holiday to anyone.
As a pp said you have no parental rights in the case of illness or injury. It’s her mum and/or dad’s responsibility to take her on holiday.

No thoughts for OP’s children then? How typical. What if they want some time with their mum without dsd always being there? Yes that includes holidays/trips.

What would you say if your children’s father spent some nice quality time with his child he has with you because he realises how important it is? And didn’t take his stepchildren with him if he has any. Or even any younger children he has. No doubt you’d applaud him for it because it benefits your child.

Yes. That is exactly what I think. She married a man who was a father and should have done so being prepared to treat her as a full member of the family. I'd never entertain a relationship with someone who would leave my pre-existing children out. How unkind and disloyal.

Nope, it would change the family dynamics. I'm sure the ex wife doesn't take your children away?!

No way should you have to take DSD. If her father isn’t going then you have no obligations to take her with you.

You and your children have every right to spend some quality time together without dsd. Dsd has her own mum to do these with. I don’t think she is hard done by by not going away with you. Her mum is entitled and cheeky, and isn’t respecting the fact that you want some quality time with your own children. As a mum she should understand how important it is.

Honestly given the age difference yanby. The hol that tweens would enjoy is vastly different to a teen holiday. Tell your dd to tell her sis that this time it's just her and ds and her mom z

Not even a day?

In that case can he do one-to-one another time?

I find it easier to not tell kids what is going on until the last minute. Saves a lot of questions. As you haven’t booked anything yet just be nonchalant about it all. Technically at the moment you’re not going anywhere. I wouldn’t want to disappoint a child and at the same time this is a holiday for you and your children. Is her mum in a position to take her away in the holidays?

DH isn't here to answer that, and OP isn't obliged to provide an answer for him. So repeating the same thing constantly is pointless.

Yes, he has money he can use for his daughter. It comes from the family pot. What doesn't come from the family pot is free childcare provided by OP.

Best response. Does a 16yo want to anyway? If op and her dh are happy that it's coming from the family lot, why are so many bitter about that ? Op also wants to make memories with her own children, and there's nothing wrong with that.

Who are you asking though? As OP is the only person who could realistically give you the answer, and you’ve agreed upthread with PP that this not OP’s responsibility to look at. It’s not for OP to work out why he can/can’t.

DSD has heard from her sister that she’s going away and now her mum is asking why can’t she come.

Who is the mum asking this to?