To think it is DH who shouldn't speak like that!

A jokey dynamic is one thing - a grown man calling his young baby dd a loser is not funny or clever. It is a horrid competitive blokey thing that is totally unnecessary thing to say in that situation.

Have you really never wrestled your child into a car seat or something and thought “thank god I won that battle”? The “you lose “ comment is a little immature but I think that most people would at least think “I won” I bet I could find a social media video of a parent saying similar to your h today. I wasn’t there so I’m assuming he wasn’t being OTT rubbing it in like a competitive sibling- if he was then my answer about what he said would be different.

You spoke to your h like he’s a child which is ironic considering that you want him to be mindful of how he speaks to dd. There’s more than one way to raise children and I would argue that it’s better for kids to experience more than one good method than just the one. Remember that your h is an equal parent to you and assuming that you took more parental leave, has had less time to hone his methods and skills. Just wondering but would you have let dd eat without a bib on ? Maybe your h doesn’t believe in permissive parenting ? Allowing her to eat without a bib sometimes and not at others, is inevitably going to create a battle where dd tries to get her preference become the rule.

Of course toddlers understand jokes. Laughing and joking is a good way to get through the frustrating parts of your DD’s current age and should she develop a good sense of humour then it will help make her friends when she’s older. My kids are teen upwards and we have a jokey dynamic which we like.

Surely he was just joking around and trying to make DD laugh?

I think you've both overreacted here.

Vividly remember these conversations with exes family screaming "I win I win!" Over everything DD related I did ask them to not but they refused DD was very adversarial towards them beginning with screaming "I want to win" to outright refusal to co-operate with them in case they "won" I let them carry on because it wasn't effecting me but they couldn't see the effect it was having on their relationship she grew to be quite scathing in the end "I win I win!" "I'm four why does that make you happy" 💀

The ‘I win/you lose’ to a baby would wind me up too. I would tell him to stop being a an immature dick and then you wouldn’t have to pull him up. You did nothing wrong op. The ego on him doesn’t like being told off but that’s tough. We don’t have to pander to that shit.

What's even wrong with what he said? Kids are kinda boring and you end up narrating things just to amuse yourself.

You really can't police how he talks to your child - if my DH tried to shut me down by saying 'oh no' to something I said, as if I was a child, I'd be very unimpressed.

You have to let him parent how he wants to parent. He's not 'the help'. If you chastise him for every move then he'll just end up leaving everything to you and then you'll be on here complaining he doesn't ever do anything.

YOU feel like its best!?!? you don't get to control how your partner acts - he obviously doesn't feel like its best- and his view is just as valid as yours. And of course toddlers get jokes.

This, exactly - he made a lighthearted throwaway comment and you started trying to censure him and control how he speaks to his daughter - you are being highly unreasonable.

First child ? 😁

I wouldn’t be asking him how I should speak. Just say what you have to say. He doesn’t have to like it.

As for how he speaks to your daughter it sounds like he has a weird sense of humour if he thinks getting a win over a 14 month old is an achievement. He needs to grow up and accept YOU’RE not a child and you won’t be told by him how you should speak.

And that’s how you escalate a joke into an argument folks.

You come across as being quite sensitive and passive aggressive. The long-winded way of asking him how you should convey a message is a massive wind up.