I hate my 19 month old

Or even full time over 9 days (9 day fortnight)? You might find one day off every two weeks is enough to recharge your batteries and no drop in pay

Have you done the sums on dropping to 0.8? Could you even drop to 0.9 but compress it over 4 days? If it brings you close to 60K I think child benefit would kick back in for you as well? It’s not loads but might offset some of the loss

Don’t worry about this OP. Mine couldn’t speak much at that age and he flourished with words soon after.
What we did is to teach him that words mean you can get what you want. So if he pointed at something to show me he wanted me to pass it to him, I would say “say drink” or whatever and if he just made an effort to say the word somehow I would pass it to him.
He soon learned that talking could get him what he wanted and his vocabulary exploded after that

It’s exhausting and shit at that age. It does get better.
Could you hire a babysitter for a few hours at the weekend during the day to give you some down time? Yes it will cost money but less than dropping a day at work would cost you.

It's a really tricky age and you are dealing with the hardest bits of the day...getting out the house and getting home after a long day. Also if he only has a few words then he is going to be frustrated and tantrum a bit. Not to mention you are doing it all alone so it's no wonder you are finding it a challenge. Not sure if it will help yet but lots of distraction tactics and always give two choices. E.g if you know the car seat is going to be a battle try bringing a choice of treats...if your a good boy and get in the seat if you're a good boy and get in your seat would you like a rice cake or a babybel....appreciate you might not want him eating while you are driving so it might mean sitting and waiting for him to eat the snack. It used to work with my two, they think they are being given a choice but really just being distracted from the thing they don't want to do. My dd was a nightmare and would never put her shoes on but wanted to walk, always screaming and being unreasonable. I used to just walk out the door with the shoes in my hand and wait till she was screaming about walking on the gravelly road surface down our drive then I'd offer shoes or pushchair and she'd have to pick one and suck it up. Toddlers are so irrational and exhausting but I promise they get more likeable. Meanwhile, pour a glass of wine and find some of those videos online of parents and their unreasonable toddlers "she's screaming because....insert ridiculous reason".

No, it definitely does get better, soon. My 2 year old has meltdowns, but they are usually just once a day now - always when we are getting ready to go out for the day. Hates getting dressed, hates having his nappy changed in the morning. I think it gets better once they can communicate better, which will be happening for you soon.

Also things like giving choices, speaking really quietly so they have to stop screaming to hear you and getting down at eye level (watch out for errant fists though) to talk to them helps. Also sounds really hard but a decent dose of love bombing, however angry you get try to speak in soothing tones, cuddle and kiss.

I remember going through a stage a bit like this when DS1 was around 21 months. He was fascinated by electricity sockets and had just figured out how to pull the safety covers off, so needed literally constantly watching everywhere (‘cos where doesn’t have electricity sockets, right?!). It did pass quite quickly. Hang in there.

It’s a difficult stage and you just sound burnt out to be honest, is there anyway you can give yourself some kid free chill time? Reduce your hours but keep him in full time childcare so you get some time off during the week or arrange any childcare weekends so you get a break?

I found under 3 to be utterly fucking horrible to be frank. I don’t think you are alone there, at the time I thought I hated my Dd at one point too (I don’t I really really love her). But the sheer strain of dealing with a “spirited” toddler was just too much (I was a SAHM which was awful because we spent so much time together).

Try to see if one of the nursery staff do babysitting and get yourself a few hours. It will get better but some kids are really difficult and it’s doubly hard when you are doing it yourself. You do need a break though.

Ok so he’s a bit behind (not worryingly so but it’s probably not helping his frustration). I would look into Hanen techniques to support and encourage language and that should lessen the meltdowns.

https://www.hanen.org/Helpful-Info/Articles/How-to-Tell-if-Your-Child-is-a-Late-Talker-%E2%80%93-and-W.aspx

Drop a day, take the day off to yourself and make it work. Trust me, some make it work on much less. Don’t kill yourself over the toddler years. I have 2 toddlers and it’s hell. I personally don’t believe anyone enjoys being a parent but hey, at least you know you’re not alone in your thinking! Solidarity

And by talk I meant does he say any words (I know 19month olds don’t talk conversationally)

I have an almost 2 year old and while it's been physically tiring for a while I've noticed that he will play on his own now for a few mins (if I'm making tea) and he's less frustrated now he can say a few words - particularly yes and no which seems key in understanding whether he's happy or wants something.
I have a Saturday morning to myself while DH looks after DS and it keeps me sane. DH does golf also at the weekend so he gets some alone time too. Without a partner to help could you get a babysitter one night or reduce your hours even by half a day so that you can do something for yourself once a week. I think that would really help you mentally- I'd go mad with only work and parenting in my life.

This.

I think his personality just means that this is a really rough stage for you. Can you take some days off during the week every few months as annual leave? Then you don't lose the pay.

If you're really struggling and you have a good employment, can you also pull the odd sick day here or there and just have a massage and then relax at home?

This was without doubt the worst stage for me with DS1. It was misery. I can tell you with absolute certainty THIS TOO SHALL PASS.

Your toddler might be reacting to your stress. Cutting down on your hours is a sensible idea. Partners and husbands come and go. Your child is with you for life. Now is the time to build a solid foundation for your relationship. Even if it means you have to make cuts to make ends meet. Write down all your expenditure- then decide what you can economise on. I hope it helps

I don’t think cutting your hours is really the answer. But can you take leave spread out over a few months so you get 2 or 3 days off every months and leave DS in nursery?

Or a whole week and give yourself a holiday and still send DS in each day Ty to nursery.

Or take some parental leave unpaid. The financial hit will only be a one off hit rather than regular.

Things will get better. This is a tricky stage. Just book blocks of time for yourself till you get through it.

And if you have a garden, get a sandpit and sit alongside DS while he plays. Don’t push yourself to do more than you want to.

I thoroughly disliked 1-3yrs old- toddler hell!!! Give me a newborn any day.
I coped by being out- physically wearing them out and limiting the time at home. In the winters lived in soft plays. Enjoyed their naps and out again! It passes.

I echo what everyone else says but I would also see what is he like at crèche/ childminder can you get any tips from them.

Routine is key so try and be consistent.

Get out of the house as much as you can. Walk with him in buggy and do as much interesting stuff as you can. Things like feeding ducks, petting farm, soft play etc so that he's tired out but also to stimulate the brain and help with speech.

Do as much as you can to reduce your stress. Things like get your groceries delivered so you don't have to get through the supermarket with him. Maybe book a babysitter one night a week and have a night off. Toddler proof as much as you can so you don't continually have to worry about what he touches etc put the high chair somewhere with easy clean walls/ floors and encourage good behaviour but throwing food is a phase.

If you need a break can you use annual leave for a child free day? It might be cheaper to make some parental leave (usually unpaid) than drop down to four days.

Most importantly prioritise some time for you and your mental health.

I have no other advice that hasn't been given by previous PPs. However, you don't know it yet, but your little 19mth old is going to become your best friend. Like no other you've ever experienced. I know it's hard, I've been there. Hang on, everything is temporary, and you've already done a chunk of hard work. Better days are coming.