I hate my 19 month old

If reducing work isn't a good option, could you hire a sitter to give you a break for 3-4 hours once or twice a week, or even a whole day? You deserve a bit of time to catch your breath. Parenting is tough. My four yr old (who I think has serious adhd,) has ramped up the bad behaviour lately and he's backslid. It's tough for us and we're a two parent home.

I hope it gets better soon for you! The age before they've learned social skills and how to talk is rough.

Can you compress hours and get half a day to yourself?

As well as the parental leave that @Galliano mentioned (which is just for looking after children so you would have to lie if using it for time for yourself) there's new carers' leave which is for more short term/emergency stuff and can include looking after an ill child.

I pulled a sicky and had 3 days off a few weeks ago as I was so so burnt out. Did me the world of good. Sent my toddler into nursery and just chilled and got jobs done I felt like were piling up.

I’ll only repeat what others have said, it does get better. I found that stage particularly challenging. Hang in there!

It's a nightmare stage but there's good too. Problem is if all your seeing and getting is the horrid bits on the weekend you can't see the nice bits that make up for it! Hang in there ,they're nice most of the time around 4 onwards is nice when you can start reasoning with them!

Toddlers are the worst of humanity. 99% of the time it’s all take and no give, and you can feel downright abused at times. I found 2+ much better.

Id agree with doing the sums on reducing your hours. Given higher rate tax bands and child benefits, you might not lose that much by dropping one day.

Also is your mum around and someone you have a good relationship with? If my DD was in your position I’d be able to picture how tough it was from my own experience of full time work and 3 dc even though not lone parenting and I’d try to be involved as another adult to talk to about decisions, to offer some respite and to spend some time as a bigger family so that you get to spend enjoyable time with DS.

Also just to add my work flexible work policy allows a trial period so you could reduce your hours for 6 months for example and if it's not working out go back to full time

Pulling a sick day for a massage sounds a good way to get fired.

Honestly why don't you take a couple of days off sick next week? It's not unreasonable if you're feeling like this you are unwell. Take a couple of days to relax and recharge.

I also think if you reduce your work hours they have to let you go back full time again? Worth checking employment laws etc but I went down to 3 days then back up to 4 then full time and never had any problems.

Totally understand! Going from freedom and independence to being responsible for a very demanding little person is a huge life change! I admit, I couldn't wait to get of the house on my own, which was rare. I found it hard, I wasn't the natural Mum I thought I would be and felt so guilty. Completely loved my dc of course, just took me a while to adapt to 24/7 caring and the exhaustion of it all. It will come, meanwhile don't beat yourself up, but yes your baby always come first above everything else and even if you're not feeling it, be the best parent, which you will be but don't see it. Xx

I think if you know there are nursery closure days you should ask for the parental leave to cover those as that’s exactly the sort of thing it’s intended for.
knowing you don’t have to cover those days out of annual leave and thus have to save your annual leave might then empower you to take leave now for yourself and drop DS in nursery during that.

Omg just read you're single too- just like me I also have a toddler. No wonder you're losing your mind. See if work will let you compress your hours to four or four and a half days, if not then just take the day off.

You can love your child and hate the lifestyle that comes with parenting them at a certain stage

If you can still pay bills then tbh I would drop a day to get some time to yourself. Even doing it for six months might be enough to reset you. We’re at 22 months here and it’s already better than 19 months but this stage is tough. I also massively appreciate nursery days to a guilt-inducing degree, and I don’t know how you’re coping without any downtime just for you.

I wouldn’t reduce hours for the reasons you’ve said.
The 4 weeks unpaid parental leave you can take is your friend here as you can take this in week blocks to cover the nursery closure: https://www.gov.uk/parental-leave/entitlement
Using this won’t compromise your hours long term.

knowing you have this can you therefore take some annual leave for yourself

weekends are tough if on your own with little ones but it’s harder to make arrangements with others as you feel like you are intruding on family time. However you’ll probably feel happier if you can get some adult company arranged for things like lunch or day trip to make each weekend less relentless (family, uni friends, work friends?)

@hadrnnnough you could consider dropping just 3-4 hours to give yourself an afternoon off once a week but it’s the same challenge. I understand completely, I have started walking for 20 mins at lunchtime and that feels a bit like a break. But I have to put my phone off and just walk with no music etc because I think the constant ‘on’ mode of work, DS etc is worsened by me being on my phone. I find it all absolutely relentless, you have my full sympathy.

Some children are easier than others. It will get better. It can take awhile!

Could you reduce temporarily? For a year ?

One year olds are the worst! I hated that stage of parenting. They have no attention span, constantly try to harm themselves and scream so much!
I promise it will get better as he gets older.

Don’t reduce your hours, get someone to help you part time when suits, I reckon tantrums will subside too, kids tend to behave better for others than mum, speaking from experience. It will get better x

😬 I appreciate this is coming from a good place but saying to a child 'say...' before giving them something isn't great advice. I also appreciate it may have worked for your child but for a lot of children out there this would make the situation worse by causing frustration. I'm paediatric speech and language therapist with a 3 year old so this is definitely my area of speciality! You are much better following the hanen strategies that a previous poster has sent you a link to.

I found that stage to be the worst, too. They're strong and mobile enough to put up a real fight, but completely beyond any rational conversation. My DS turns three in September, and it's already much better. He tests his own linguistic abilities more than my sanity now. And he's able to do things for himself. Like I can ask him to climb into the car seat himself, and he'll do it, happy with the praise (most of the time, I still end up chasing him around the car sometimes). Hang in there, it gets better. They're still really cute when they're sleeping, though.