To not want to socialise with my work colleagues?

We rarely have work do’s as even though a small team, there are people with kids/caring responsibilities, non drinkers (not an issue but quick pint after work doesn’t appeal to them obviously), etc etc. So we try and organise something inclusive….it’s hard but worth it as you do see a different side to people and understand things about them that help at work.

a friends work colleague was admirably forthright when asked to socials ‘I hardly go out with my real friends so I’m not going out with you lot’.

she then expected work to pay for her retirement do….there was some eye rolling.

People should not be held back from promotion because they don't want to socialise with colleagues.
I do have a life outside work. I work in retail and our manager is great but is very friendly with a couple of the team leaders but most of the others have had major issues with one of these leaders and it's not being dealt with because of this friendship. Manager has said she finds it awkward because they are now close.
Anyway don't go if you don't want to, I never do.

Different things are more important at different times of your life. But it is also important to keep in touch with the less important things, not too often but now and again, because you never know when it might become important again etc.

Being friendly (no need to pretend to be BFFs) with colleagues is useful. You never know when it may come in useful to grease the wheels of the corporate ladder, or maybe you need a lift to work and you know - due to informal meetings/chats - that they love close. etc etc.

Having said that - if a company is pushing "team bonding" then it is entirely justifiable to book a 1 hour meeting and play pictionary or something. We do that once a week and it's brilliant fun, and it really helps us work together. But we also sometimes meet up outside work, not always the same group, and that is fine too. Nobody is shunned for not going though

Plenty of people can't really socialise outside of work. I don't, at the moment, because we have four kids including a baby, and evenings are hectic at home! So I don't think it should be held against you.

What sort of job is it?

why does the bonding happen so much?

unquotable, no, but truncated like it is on the mobile version would be good.

I think it's ok to go now and again, that doesn't eat significantly into family time and shows willing. And who knows - maybe you'll like them.
If you don't like their suggestions because they're too expensive how about a light "oh too expensive for a part timer like me, not this time, but maybe we could go to X next time?"

I know many on MN think socialising with colleagues is akin to sleeping with the enemy but it does make things a lot easier at times. And you may not always be part-time, and if they know you better the nice jobs and promotions etc may come easier than if they don't think about you because you barely speak to them. It is a bitof a stretch to think that but you never know.

At least they keep asking you. I'd have given up after about the third refusal.

When you are in the office, you need to work. After work drinks is when you let off steam - it's your chance to vent about your boss, or just to have a laugh. It's best to keep both out of the office, right? You don't want to carry resentment into work, so talk about any issues in a casual way over a drink, and 99% of the time you feel validated knowing that you are not alone or better that you've been heard. Likewise, too much joking about in the office isn't going to get you very far, save it for after.

Once I worked for a very toxic company. Everyone on the team was very competitive, wouldn't share notes or explain how to do something. Then I got invited to a social. 5 or 6 of us went to a colleagues house to play video games and drink gin. (I hate video games and very rarely drink). I went anyway and I promise you, work was much easier after that. Suddenly people were much more open and friendly.

I feel strongly about this because I did get it wrong once and deeply regretted it. Sometimes, you just have to suck it up. Unless of course it's a job that you really don't care about. I've had those too - couldn't be out the door fast enough!

If you don’t want to go to the pub don’t. I hardly ever socialise with work colleagues-at my age I’ve found it preferable to be honest and say while I really like them and they’re great to work with, I’m anti social and don’t like gatherings. I’d quite happily invite someone round for a cuppa if they’re in my area but don’t do social events. Are there any other things which are possible if you did want to see your colleagues outside work? Like a quiz night or country walk? But I’d only offer if you want to. Christ-I’m reliable, good to work with, good attention to detail, drama free-I’m a good colleague! If you’re the same, don’t feel pressured into socialising!

After constant "are you coming to the Xmas party" bothering, I gave up being polite and just said "You're my colleagues, not my friends, I see you all week, so no".

I’m part of a very social team. I’m pretty tired after work and my weekends are precious. I still attend every so often. I get a round in and do my best to enjoy the evening. I’d rather not be there but I think it’s important to make the effort.
We have a colleague who never, ever comes and it does feel like a snub.

Roll on 12 months and you're posting about how you don't have any friends and you're isolated and there's nobody to support you.
Because all you ever wanted to do is get home to your family.

Just go for a drink. They're just people, they might actually be, you know, alright.

If I was your colleague I’d rather you kept turning me down

I think it depends on your job and career aspirations. Interacting with colleagues socially means I build positive relationships with people across the company. Which helps me in my job and gets me noticed. It does help I like most of my colleagues!

Go out for a coffee break or lunch instead during work day? You get to bond and you have a time limit

Absolutely this. Work time is for 'team building', home time is for your actual life.

I think your husband has a point, that going occasionally would be good.

I wouldn't expect you to go to the pub to watch football - especially as you aren't interested - but the odd meal or quick drink sounds like a nice thing to do.

Ah. This is one of the hardest lessons I learned. I'm ex military. I made the mistake of turning down the pub (as a non-drinker). I became an outsider because I missed out on all the bonding. Now I see why it is so important. I wish I could turn the clock back. You don't have to drink, you don't have to stay late every time (but don't always be the first to leave) but if it's that kind of job you really need to turn up. It's an unwritten and very important part of the job ESPECIALLY if you are part time.

I would never socialise with my current colleagues. I don't have anything in common with them and I don't trust them...so I would never be relaxed around them.

I also have a life outside work and I like to choose the people I want to spend time with socially :).

In previous jobs, I had better colleagues and occasionally did join in for drinks after work, lunches and similar.

You should never be pressured to join in and they should be respecting your choices.

I am going to go slightly against the grain here: I don’t think you should feel obliged to go out every time and I also dislike “team building” pressure.

But I also think once in a while making the gesture of showing people you value them enough to spend a bit of social time with them is worth its weight in gold.

Fuck the euros I can’t be arsed with football but it would cost you nothing to just once spend an hour with them after work.

I don’t think people should ever have to socialise with colleagues but I also think the extreme position of regarding it as an imposition, which is very fashionable at the moment, is a bit OTT.

Because the 1st poster quoted your OP